Guys and Girls

Spiritual Lessons

Girls and Guys 

 "Is it alright to text guys?"

"What do you think about holding hands during courtship?"

"Can I be a guy's friend?"

"What does submission really look like in this circumstance?"


Thankfully I'm not doing a post to answer these questions.  In fact I think these questions have to be answered on an individual basis.  The older I get the more gray areas I realize there truly are.

But what I do intend to share in this post is what I've been learning on what men and women are meant to be to each other...and what they are not.

Men can be our best friend, our protectors, providers, leaders, supporters. But they are not meant to be our source of strength, confidence, self-worth – or even our source of love.

Likewise, we aren't meant to be men's affirmation. We cannot “make” a man. We are not his source of masculinity – we were never created to be. We aren't supposed to be the “center of his universe”. We can be their best friend, an inspiration, supporters, co-laborers, followers – but we cannot be their mission any more than then can be our emotional security.

We ask men to be God when we rely on them as the validation of our worth. And we present a stumbling block to manhood when we offer ourselves as the answer to a man's quest. Men need a vision, a purpose, an answer to who they are. And only God can supply them with that.

This isn't to say that our beauty isn't to be appreciated and we have nothing to offer. And I'm not saying we have to shy away from what men have to offer us. We just have to be diligent not to depend on these things as our validation. And why not? Because people fail. Because we could hurt them. And because our true source is God. We set ourselves to fall hard when we rely on men to be our everything.

Jesus is meant to be our knight in shining armor. He is our pursuer. He gives us our worth. He no longer sees a deceitfully wicked heart – as a child of God He sees you how you're meant to be. He sees who He created. He is captivated by you. Don't believe me? Go and ask Him yourself. Ask Him to show you – you'll be blown away. He is the source of your confidence. His love inspires femininity in our hearts.

Men can make the mistake of turning to us. We emanate God's mercy and comfort as women. Men have wounds just as deep as ours, and they too need to be shown forgiveness and assurance. But we'd be liars if we said we were meant to be this for men. We know better. This isn't to say we should cut off being merciful and comforting. I'm simply saying we shouldn't advocate ourselves as being our men's sources of these things. Whether they be our husbands, fathers, brothers, or our friends. Men search for beauty, for ecstasy, a goal – and if we play damsel in distress we can be a tempting trade-off for what God actually intended. God is the only one that can truly fulfill these needs.

Here comes yet another disclaimer: We are worth winning. God gave us the nature to meet needs, to encourage and inspire with our beauty. We are meant to be captivating. And we are meant to be wooed and pursued. It's good that men strive to be warriors. They are meant to be protectors and pursuers. And men and women can meet each others' needs on a certain level. We're meant to! Women were created to be helpmeets. Men were created to be leaders.

What I've seen though, is a tendency to twist this duty into something beyond that. We kind-of take God out of the equation. Especially when it comes to falling in love with someone. And this is where we will certainly fail, disappoint and grieve one another.


But when God is the wellspring that we turn to for all our needs, suddenly we can have a healthy relationship with the opposite gender.

Men can be confident in their manhood, pursue us and invite us to share their journey – instead of expecting us to be it. (We won't have to worry about being a short-lived disappointing journey! We'll get to be part of something much bigger than ourselves.).

And we women can be confident in our womanhood. Secure in Someone who never changes. And suddenly we legitimately have something to offer that stems from an everlasting Vine. We are neither the needy woman who sucks life out of men with our high expectations, or the cold unfeeling woman who has determined never to hurt again.



Like always – God is the answer.