Siblings (Part 1)

Siblings 

Part 1

 

A few months ago I asked my readers for their thoughts on siblinghood.  You can read the Results of Poll here. I later did a post regarding the poll.  Unfortunately it was a long post, so I decided to re-share it in two parts for easier reading.

To the Eldest and Middle child:

I might be “the hardest” on the eldest, simply because I am the eldest. But this is for all older siblings:

Our younger siblings grow up. Novel, I know. But seriously, we will always view our younger siblings as “young”, because we are so many years ahead of them. But I have found in my conversations with siblings, that the eldest , or even middle children, will forget that their little sister is a young woman, or that their baby brother has actually turned into a young man, and we, older, maturer, wiser ones, forget to treat them as such.

Did you realize that younger siblings are born with an innate desire to please their older siblings? It's true. There is an “awe” given to younger siblings for their “big sister” or “big brother”. We older siblings can take it for granted, or not recognize it. This is an opportunity to influence our siblings for good, and yet it is often squandered.

It's easy to get caught up in life. Honestly, between schooling, our job, our hobbies, our friends and just life in general, it's easy to overlook some of the greatest blessings: our siblings.

According to the poll, and to many personal friends, I've learned that younger siblings struggle with feeling lonely or forgotten. They yearn for quality time. They desire to be treated as young women or men, not babies.

Craving Attention

Craving attention leads to many things. Did you know your little sister craves male attention. Even your 9 year old sister. As she grows older she suddenly is aware of young men near her age. At 14-15 your sister is also noticed by boys. They get “the look” are whistled at...etc. For the last four years they've felt kinda ignored. At this age they are super sensitive and emotional.

I remember the first time I was whistled at. It was in a parking lot as I was walking back to the car with my mom. I wasn't quite fourteen. It was a rather embarrassing moment, but I later recounted it in my diary – I was shocked. And it was kind of pleasant. I later felt convicted, and got rid of the outfit I was wearing! But the point is, these are real feelings going on in the heart of your “baby” sister. You are busy with “important” things and never dream your sister yearns for your attention. As a brother you have an incredible opportunity of guarding your sister's heart. I don't just mean physical protection, although that is obviously imperative. It's also a message to your sister that you care – that you believe her to be cherish-able. That she's worth something. And when you are worth something, you'll think twice before giving your heart away. BUT, your sister also craves attention. Not just protection. I still immensely enjoy little notes from my brothers. Or a hug. Or even a reprimand. Or going on a walk. Or driving together one-on-one. These actions prove I'm loved. Your little sister, no mater if she's 4, or 24, needs this. As a teen she might just go looking for it somewhere else. Of course your inaction is no excuse to her bad behavior. But you do have an opportunity. Even possibly a duty. And I don't necessarily mean your sister might go onto an online dating site, or run off, or something that extreme. Although it's happened, over and over again in the most conservative Christian families. But she might take up romance novels and day-dream her life away. She might take up flirting. She might saturate her heart in things less than innocent. We older sisters can also encourage in this area, but I have found that brothers have an amazing open door into their little sisters hearts like no-one else.

Young brothers also need attention. At a young age their hearts are tender and impressionable. They respect their older sisters. The desire, even at a young age, to be chivalrous, to be protective, to be manly. We can encourage this, or snuff out theses admirable feelings. Do we take our little brothers seriously? Do we allow them to be chivalrous? Do we treat them like inconvenient brats, or like knights in training? How we treat them does influence their self-image. How do we speak to them? In what tone? Are we belittling? In conversation to others, or in patronizing actions? Men desire respect (no matter what age). We can either fulfill the world's stereotype of sister-brother relationship, or we can influence them to be godly men. We have that choice.

Middle children often feel ignored or overlooked. The eldest is given many responsibilities, the youngest is spoiled, and the middle is left high and dry. Sometimes they are told to “act like your older sibling” and they are resentful. We must keep this in mind.  In the poll there was a percentage of siblings that never felt pursued as a friend by their older sibling.  This is heart-breaking to say the least.  28% never feel included in their siblings lives or activities. 62% of siblings wished their siblings would communicate more.  60% of siblings said that quality time with their older siblings affected them emotionally and spiritually. 

Control Freaks

As older siblings we have the tendency of “taking over”. Of orchestrating. I recently did a post on this. (A Post for Martha). With this tendency comes the negative occurrence of the younger sibling having very little responsibility in the home. She has little opportunity of taking pride in managing housewifely tasks. She struggles to learn basic homemaking skills. She is given the left-over tasks. They are the helper, never in charge. They can grow resentful, or even bored. Which both lead to negative outcomes. Older sister, we can include our younger sister in our responsibilities. Sure it takes more time. But our little sister needs to learn how to bake too. We make baking cookies fun now, and she will appreciate making meals later on. Ask your little sister to not only help but ask if she'd like to take over a task for you. You know, if it's not done exactly “your way” the world won't end? I remember Corrie ten Boom sharing how she always did the housework, while her older sister always managed the shop. One day they decided to trade chores, and they found that Corrie was much better suited for the shop work, and her sister immensely enjoyed the very same housework Corrie found to be drudgery. Consider asking your little sister if she'd like to trade chores.

Also with this attitude of “taking over” our young men are encouraged to “step aside”. We encourage the instinctive feminist flame every time we “take charge”, when really it's the men's responsibility.  We affect our brothers.

Recently it has occurred to me that maybe the men in our lives would speak up if we would pause to take a breath and be still.  Maybe the men would step up if we didn't consider ourselves the “fix-all” to every circumstance. Maybe the men would take charge if we stopped assuming we're the only candidate for getting the job done. Maybe men would be leaders if we stopped treating them like “baby brother”. It is possible to rob our men of the opportunity to be leaders, protectors, and men. Do our men trust us? Are we working on making our men “known in the gates” as righteous leaders, or do we verbally accuse them and put them down? How we treat our men now is a good indication of how we will treat our man later. 

 Encouragement

I'd like to encourage you, older sibling, that you have an amazing opportunity to influence your siblings. Your attitude greatly effects them (especially your attitude towards your parents). They often follow your lead.

Younger siblings also desire to share their heart, they just aren't sure how to approach their distracted busy older sibling. You will be amazed, if you take the time, what your sibling will share with you. Especially if you aren't critical or their “fix-all”. But simply and sincerely a listener. Communication is sometimes a sacrifice. But it's also something God admonishes us to do.

“But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” Hebrews 13:16. 

 Your sibling doesn't need condemnation. They get that from many other places. They don't need a nit-picker. They need unconditional love and someone who communicates. They actually can teach you a lot if you give them the chance. And they will be a lot more apt to listen to your advice later on if they know you're a friend, not just a “big sister” or “big brother”. They desire to be included in your life. Faith shared with me how, as a little girl, and even not so little, how important and loved she felt when we older kids asked her opinion. Go ahead and ask! They want to share. They desire to be accepted. We cannot change our siblings. Our criticism is not helpful. Hold no expectations but simply be a friend.

Recommended Media: Nourishing Traditions

Recommended Media

Nourishing Traditions 

What are your convictions about vaccinations?  Conventional medicine for newborns?  What do you know of common childhood illnesses?  What should growing children eat?  What should you eat through pregnancy?  While breastfeeding?  Before conception?  

Recently I've asked myself these questions.  And while seeking the answers I have been repulsed at the ignorance of my generation on these issues.  I'm been convicted of the selfish behavior of singles, and the blatant lack of concern over our health and our children's future.

Many of us already realize that conventional experts on religion, education and politics cannot be trusted.  The same can be said of modern professionals in childcare and medicine.  

I have found a book that educates us on these imperative issues.  It is a reliable guide providing natural approaches to nourishment and vibrant health for us and our future children.  

Please check out The Nourishing Traditions Book of Baby & Child Care by Sally Fallon.

Quote of the Day

"Are we humble and obedient, learning as Jesus learned, or are we hurrying into experiences we have no right to? " - Oswald Chambers

Marriage: Why or Why Not?

I was talking with a group of single young ladies, when the subject of marriage was brought up. One of the these young ladies was well into her late 20's, and casually mentioned the realization and serious possibility of her being single for the rest of her life. (After all, she was already "8 years" into old maid status!) A sober tension suddenly set over the room and you could have heard a pin drop. It was as if, someone had mentioned the unmentionable. Then one of the younger girls in the group braking the silence said, "Just the idea of never getting married makes me want to cry". And I understand that feeling. Honestly, I do. Every girl that I've ever met, WANTS to be married someday. We've played house since we were girls and have often vividly imagined our wedding day or maybe the kind of housewives and mommies we would be someday. It's a natural desire. But are we so SET on being married that we've actually built an idol in our heart? I hope not. Have we built a barrier that God isn't allowed to pass? 'God you have all of me, but you can't have my singleness?' Really? That isn't surrender. Surrender unconditionally lays everything on the table.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the idea of getting married, or what it means to get married in general. Why do we get married? What motivates us? Why do we just expect God to make it happen someday? Honestly. Have you ever thought about it? I'd encourage you to.

In marriage vows you often hear the little words: "For better or for worse." What does that mean? Exactly what it says. Marriage is not just something for our own gain. It cannot be selfish. You both give of yourselves, you both unconditionally love not matter what, you both are committed to staying faithful. And everyone would agree with that...once you're married. But what about long before you ever make those kind of vows? As a single person I mean. Are our reasons for staying married to someone, the same as why we'd actually marry someone? Is it okay to marry someone for selfish immature reasons, even though it isn't okay to stay with them for selfish immature reasons? I don't think so. Love is a choice. As a single person, why are you hoping to get married?

I feel like God has been doing a lot of work in my heart recently with this very subject. Our natural desires for marriage, for intimacy, for a close relationship with that special someone, for children, even for all the adventures marriage would bring, are okay. They aren't wicked. They are natural, even, God given. But just because they are such- also doesn't mean they should be our motivating factor. Just because something is "natural" doesn't make it our right to have. And just because God allows there to be a specific desire in our hearts, doesn't mean He'd be unkind to not actually give it to us.

So, with these thoughts in mind, here are maybe just a few reasons  which should or shouldn't motivate us in marriage that I'd like to share with you.

Marriage: Why or why not?

Maybe... why not? 

• Because we expect it to give us happiness.
• Because of sex hormones. 
• Because it is just expected. (Especially by other Christians)  
• Because it would give us security. 
• Because it would give us a form of identity. 
• Because of companionship. 
• Because it's a godly desire and seems spiritual
• Because maybe we'd feel "needed" by someone else.
• Because we'd have attention.
• Because of natural longing to "set up house".
• Because of the possibility of children.
• Because we are unsure of what else to do with our lives.
• Because it is just our natural "calling" as women.
• Because we're scared to be permanently alone.
• Because it is an idol in our hearts.
• Because we are discontent.
• Because we like someone in particular. 
• Because we don't believe God is enough all by Himself.

But then maybe... Why?

 

• Because it is God's will for your life and you know it.
• Because GOD desires it, not just you.
• Because God has given peace and clear direction towards it.
• Because you could serve God better with that person, than without that person.
• Because your heart is open to whatever God wants to do.
• Because you truly love someone.
• Because you're willing to give your life for someone else.
• Because God has created and equipped us to be help meets. 
• Because God created marriage to glorify Him.
• Because marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church.
• Because marriage is a gift from God.

I'm tired of seeing Christian girls waste their time looking for marriage, instead of running this race for Christ with Jesus as their prize. I'm horrified to watch so many young people carelessly jump into something so life changing and important, as marriage, with little thought towards God at all. I'm sick of other Christians adults looking at single people as incomplete or worthless. I'm saddened to think about how many people think that life is only about who you marry someday, and not actually the reason why you'd marry at all. 

I'm sure that marriage could be awesome someday. But how much more awesome would it be, rightly done, for the right reasons, with the right person, at the right time? God's time. God's way. God's plan. For God's glory. Because you both love Him? That would be worth living for. 

Is telling the truth unloving?

Here I would like to take the awesome opportunity and introduce you to someone you probably don't know... Emily Satterfield. (Who recently just got married as in now, Mrs. Emily Thomes. :)) Her testimony for Christ has been a huge blessing to me personally, and I know that it will be to you as well. This is a very important and controversial subject. These words are written from the experience of a young woman that used to claim to be Christian but was also proud to be a part of the LGBT community. Please take the time to hear her story and how she found forgiveness in the loving truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Is telling the truth unloving?

"Is Christianity an easy path to walk? Is following Christ a journey that’s supposed to make us popular with the world or enemies of it? Did Jesus promise that we would be loved or hated for His name? Contrary to what so many evangelicals believe, both pastors and laypeople, Christianity is by nature divisive and does not mesh with the lost world. Initially submitting our lives to the lordship of Christ is a necessary and difficult thing that all sincere
believers must and will do, but I don’t think it’s the hardest thing we have to do. A true believer is one who doesn’t pick and choose which portions of the Bible to adhere to, and, while that seems commonsense, that principle often doesn’t carry over into our relationships with the unbelieving world around us. Yet somehow, either due to lack of discipleship or courage, frankly, we are much quicker to cherry-pick which parts of the Bible we follow when it comes to the lives of those around us. It’s scary when the truth forces us to go beyond ourselves, and as a result, many of us wrestle with obedience and
often fall painfully short. We cower back and reject the conviction He brings us, even when there are souls at stake. It is not an overstatement to say that most people are under the misconception that discussing the sins of others is unloving. “Judge not” is a phrase I’ve heard used out of context more times than I could count, and that’s just from within the church. Yet in John 7:24, Jesus tells us “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” Perhaps we have to dig beyond the first verse in Matthew 7 to understand what Jesus meant in regards to judging.

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” – Matthew 7:1-5

Upon further examination of the text, we can see plainly that Jesus is referring to judging hypocritically. To go to a brother living in blatant sin while you yourself are living in blatant sin is hypocritical and isn’t going to hold any weight with your brother and could cause him to doubt the authenticity of your walk. We must first repent (remove the log out of our eye) then go to our brother that he may also repent (help him remove the speck from his eye). Here we see not a warning to keep our mouths shut, but rather a charge to repent and help your brother to do the same. Obedience to God is the most loving thing we can do for both Jesus and those who must repent. We know
that those who walk in darkness do not know God (1 John 1:6). We know that Jesus’ call to all His followers was to “repent and believe in the gospel” (Mark 1:15). We also read in John 14:23 that those who love Him will obey Him. So what is it that keeps believers from faithful obedience when it involves others outside of themselves? That answer is found in Proverbs 29:25: “The fear of man lays a snare…” It’s scary to tell lost people that they’re lost. It’s frightening, particularly with loved ones, to tell them that their lifestyles are incompatible with the faith and that they must repent. It no longer looks pious and prestigious when we go from living holy lives that look different but don’t directly affect others to engaging with a culture that hates the gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus promised us that believers would suffer in this world. Paul told us that “all who desire to live godly lives in Christ Jesus will be persecuted”
(2 Timothy 3:12).

As believers, we have to be honest with this dying world, despite the costs we’ll surely face. We’ve been granted salvation from hell and an abundant life in the present while the lost are condemned and headed for hell apart from Him granting them repentance and faith. Jesus said, “Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God” (John 3:18). At this very moment, our neighbors and loved ones are at enmity with God because they have not repented and believed. Christians have been given a commission; a parting command from our Savior:

“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” – Matthew 28:19-20a

Believers have been given an obligation and a responsibility to proclaim the truth to this world even when in an age of ‘tolerance’ that’s the most unpopular thing we can do. The modern understanding of ‘tolerance’ is directly contrary to what the Bible teaches, as it demands that we not only accept but
celebrate various forms of sin in the lives of those around us. Not only can we not condone the sins of this world, but we must go to those who are practicing it and share both the gospel and what He’s commanded them to do. As scary as that seems, I assure you that the original disciples faced far greater risks for their obedience as we do today in America. The task is made to appear harder when one considers how groups like the Westboro Baptist Church have done more than put a bad taste in the mouths of many Americans, both the lost and the saved. They picket funerals in protest of sins like homosexuality and they do so in the name of Christ but demonstrate no discernible fruit by which one might reasonably consider them to be sincerely Christian. Not everyone who says to Him “Lord, Lord” will actually inherit the Kingdom of God (Matthew 7:21-23). In light of this baggage, how should the believer go about speaking the truth to the lost about their sin? Paul gives us the answer in Ephesians 4:15 with the phrase “speaking the truth in love”. In that verse we see that there’s a message (the truth) and a manner that conveys that message (love). Though many will still lump true Christians who display this character with those of Westboro Baptist Church, the difference is known at least to God and those sheep who will hear His voice and repent by His grace. Figuring out how to communicate the content of the message of truth is perhaps the most difficult part. The believer first has to give that person a context for what sin is and what its effects are. This is where the gospel comes in. We have to tell the lost, whether they are deceived ‘cultural christians’ or adamantly atheistic, about their sin nature and enmity with God, their need for reconciliation with Him, and the atonement He made at the cross for those who will repent and believe. In Romans 7, Paul tells us “if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin.” The law shows us that we’ve fallen short. The law brings us, by the Holy Spirit, conviction for our sin. The remedy for that sin is the gospel, the power of God for salvation for all who believe (Romans 1:16). This means that people have to understand that they are sinners and are guilty before a holy God. We have to be faithful to speak the truth to them, in love, that they may repent. If we’re affirming sinners in their sin, we’re aiding them into condemnation. That is not love but hate.

I became a believer in April of 2014 at 22 years old. Up until that point, since age 15, I was dating girls in serial monogamous relationships. I esteemed myself to be a ‘good person’ and had many ‘believers’ in my life affirming me in my sin. I was kind to my family, was a loyal friend, and was bold for the LGBT cause. I enjoyed my sins of course (drunkenness, drugs, sexual immorality, etc.) but called myself a Christian and boldly proclaimed “Love is love, and God is love.” I had formed a god in my head to suit my sin and my
desires that resembled nothing of the God of the Bible. I had a few people reach out to me to show me my error and my need for a Savior but I had “already done that” (prayed a sinner’s prayer and been baptized) and was content. I was condemned where I stood and was storing up wrath by the minute. Fortunately the Lord showed me mercy and opened my eyes, through His law, to see my sin and my depravity and He granted me forgiveness and a new life no longer enslaved to sin. I did not enjoy the few times that believers came to me and pleaded with me to repent. I so much more liked those who shrugged and either said “God will save her when she’s ready” or worse, “She’s a good person. Surely God wouldn’t send her to hell for acting on those feelings.” Who loved me rightly? Who was obeying our Lord and caring for my soul? It’s easy to overlook those who are in sin either because it’s scary to talk to them about it or because we can’t fathom that they’re condemned already apart from Him. If we believe the Bible is the word of God, and all sincere believers do, we have no choice but to go to those who are in sin and plead with them that they repent and believe. If we believe that hell is what’s
awaiting them, how can we not do all in our power to stop them? How selfish could we be to withhold the keys to eternal life from others just as guilty as ourselves for fear of rolled eyes or at worst, an argument? Do we value our egos so much that we can’t be obedient to Jesus and give them the truth they must hear to be saved (Romans 10:17)?

It was Spurgeon who said “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”

Because we love Jesus and because we love our neighbors, we have to be radically obedient. We have to endure what comes anytime truth is proclaimed in a sin filled world and trust the results to God. It’s easy to let culture and fear trap us and keep us quiet and ineffective. We must repent of our apathy for the
lost, and we must obey. He can save and He will save; we need only be submissive to Him and rejoice that He allows us to take part in the unfolding of His plan. If we believe the Bible, we cannot and we will not be silent.

 “For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!” – 1 Corinthians 9 "

Quote of the day

Their basic Christian attitude immensely helped the White Rose people to stop talking about resistance and start acting.  Suddenly they saw one thing clearly.  Being against is not enough.  We have to do something.  There is an enormous stone wall of impossibility and our job is to discover minute possibilities that we can chip or blast out of the wall.  Finding possibilities, even on the smallest scale, was extremely important for my sister Sophie.  The passage from the Epistle of James, "But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only," was in imperative for her."



Inge Aicher-Scholl describing the White Rose Resistance.

Stained Glass Windows

Stained Glass Windows

 The most frequent reasons for women having abortions are the following: 

1.  having a child would interfere with a woman's education, work or ability to care for dependents (74%)

2. that she could not afford a baby now (73%)

3.  and that she did not want to be a single mother or was having relationship problems (48%). 

4. Other reasons given are because their parents' or partners' desire for them to have an abortion.  Younger women often reported that they were unprepared for the transition to motherhood, while older women regularly cited their responsibility to dependents.  Some are cited for the possibility of fetal anomalies.  

While studying this I was struck at the selfishness behind every one of these "justifications".  And then this morning Dad read me a story that restored some belief in people.  

Though there are many selfish people in the world who will stoop to murder, there are others who have chosen a life of unselfishness.  There are others who understand that life is worth protecting and cherishing.  Men and women who have allowed themselves to be channels of mercy and saving grace.  

One such woman is Coru Salchert.  This woman seeks the unwanted.  She deems the broken hurting souls as people worthy of love and life.  Here is a story of selflessness, redemption, and unconditional love.  And by God's grace I hope to be a Cori Salchert in the life God has given me.   


Meet Emmalyn.  A baby who at two weeks was adopted by Slachert, even when she knew this baby girl hadn't long to live.  

Here is their story told by Cori Salchert to TODAY's Terri Peters.

Cori Salchert

Salchert's daughter, Johanna, 22, helps her bathe baby.

Resources:
Guttmacher Presentation
Guttmacher post

Quote of the Day

"It is not the passing of the years that matures the life of the Son of God in us, but obedience." - Oswald Chambers

At War with Pink Lace II

At War with Pink Lace II

Yet another perspective on femininity  

I grabbed my purse, took a quick glance at the mirror, and headed for work.  I was surprised to find myself intercepted and my bedroom door slammed in my face.  Looking down I found four-year-old Abbie fiercely staring me down, one hand on the door knob.

"Will you play with me?"

The question sounded more like an ultimatum.

"Abbie I have to go to work today..."

"Just play with me for a little bit and I won't bother you again -- I promise."

Her face now melted into a baby plea, and it smote me.  I recognized it.

Abbie was desperate.  Not so much for play -- she could have played by herself for hours without interruption.  But for attention, interaction, quality camaraderie, love.  Not that she could have voiced it herself, but I knew.  Every little girl yearns for these things.

By the time we are three years old we innately understand we want to be cherished and beautiful and noticed.  We dress up in princess clothes and we want Daddy to notice.  We dance in mommy's bright red shoes and sing -- straining, waiting, for the compliment.  You tell a little girls she is lovely and her entire countenance changes and her heart shines through her face -- she is thrilled.

But somewhere between three and twenty-three we no longer ask if we are lovely.  We no longer ask for quality time.  And yet we still yearn to be appreciated, noticed and loved, maybe even more desperately than four-year-old Abbie.  But we have been ignored, unappreciated, put on rain-check, or used, and we stop asking.  In fact we start to believe we aren't lovely, we aren't worth appreciation.

We hide under make-up.  We try to prove ourselves through our efficiency or the one thing we're good at.  Our shortcomings stare back in the mirror.  And we wait for negative comments.
We want to be captivating,  beautiful, mysterious, regal, strong, feminine.  And instead we are convinced, if exposed, the world would find who we really are.  Instead we see ourselves  weak, ordinary, needy, and overweight.

And so we morph into one of two kinds of women.

Woman #1:
We become domineering, commanding independent feminists who don't need anyone (especially men).  We forsake tenderness and our inherent nurturing qualities for confidence and capability.  We refuse to find ourselves vulnerable.  We are addicted to indulgent activities.  To saving money, shopping, cleaning, exercising, gossiping -- anything to occupy our emptiness. Taken to the extreme you find these women often characterized in fairy tales as the evil step-mother.  But if we were honest, we could find this trait in even the meekest of us.  We have been disappointed or hurt by past relationships.  Wounded by the men in our lives, either by our father figures or romantic relationships.  We won't be fooled again.  We put up walls.  We won't be duped or guilty of naivete ever again. We are now wise, practical, protected, in control and utterly cold.  No-one can hurt us, no-one can love us.

Woman #2
 Or we become the shy, desperate, mousey, needy woman.  Heartbroken pitiful and unstable.  We seek for sympathy.  We are the geeks, the nerds, the romance novel readers.  We are insecure and afraid.  We think poorly of ourselves and it shows in our attitude, the way we dress and how we interact (if we do).  We will watch others play volley-ball but we'd never dream of trying it ourselves because we already know we will fail.  We'd rather do something "safe" in a group, like watch a movie, than something that requires our input -- because the world will find us out.  These aren't just the teens that pierce their entire bodies or the overweight women who hide behind their chip bag; although they are included.  Think of yourself.  When we walk in the mall and see an outfit we really like but automatically think we could never wear it.  We stay in the kitchen to "help" instead of interact with our house-guests because we aren't witty, humorous, social, enough.  We want others to decide for us because we are incapable, even of ordering at the restaurant.  We apologize for everything.  We are nauseated every time we go to work.  And we dismiss every compliment because it can't possibly be true.

This battle is real, and it wages in Christian women also.  Even in the hearts of those of us who were blessed with incredible homes and godly parents.  We look all the way back in history to the first woman -- her firsts downfall was believing she wasn't all she could be.  That she wasn't perfect enough.  That there was something better.

We don't have to give into Satan's lies.  We women were created for a purpose, as women and as individuals.  If we could grasp, not what we should be doing, but who we are, what are design is, we could easily let go of some of the lies, and allow some of our wounds to heal.
We long to be sought after and appreciated and needed.  God does also.  We desire to comfort and aid; so does He.  We yearn to be desired, pursued and loved.  Christ also has these longings.  Not only do we have the perfect Lover to fulfill our deepest longings, to both take and give love, but we have this quality to bestow on others.  We represent a tender part of God's heart for a reason.  He desires to use us to reveal Himself.

We women also have been given a beautiful mandate.  To be fruitful, to take dominion of the earth, to subdue it, to be stewards over it, and to co-rule with man, to help him, to complete him.  We are man's fellow warrior.  We are their counterpart.  We've been nominated as man's best companion through life's adventure.  We were naturally given fierce devotion for a reason.  We are not an appendage, but an essential part of creation, of man, of God's plan.  

Womanhood is not to be solved but relished.  Not to be stressed over, but embraced.  If we can simply recognize our worth and how our Creator sees us, we wouldn't be so apt to fall into feminist lies and seek fulfillment in selfish ways, or to lazily perceive our lives without purpose or ambition.
I sincerely believe that it's healthy to allow ourselves to enjoy being feminine and beautiful.  To seek for ways to inspire our fathers and brothers, to help them in little things.  To fiercely pray for our men.  To fast for them.  To serve beside them.  Nurture our little siblings or nieces and nephews.  Pursue and invest in Christ, talk and listen.  To shun feminist ideas and instead unashamedly dress and speak and fight and serve like a feminine woman.

What has Christ asked of you as an individual?  Are we cheerfully and passionately pursuing it?
You are needed. Creation was incomplete without the final creation of woman. God was unsatisfied, and earth was "not good" until woman was placed on the earth.  Man himself was incomplete.  Woman wasn't just a lovely afterthought, but we were needed.
 
Man and women are made in the image of God.  God reveals to mankind a part of himself in our femininity.  And only we women are ambassadors for this part of God.  Women are nurturers, we are romantic, we are interested in details, and fascinated by beauty.  These are character traits of our God.  Embrace them!  Allow, seek, let these things flow through your creativity.  For each of us, this will look differently.  Some of us are called to pursue schooling, some to be nurses, others are gifted as artists, others are called to study His stars, some to be missionaries -- run!  Follow it.

Womanhood is an adventure.  If we are Woman 1 or Woman 2 we will find that godly womanhood is not just an adventure but also a battle.  The first step to fighting is recognizing our wounds and our ungodly mentality and then striving to embrace who God has created us to be in the face of it all.

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