At War with Pink Lace

Spiritual Lessons

At War with Pink Lace

Yet another perspective on femininity  

Femininity does not have to involve lace, pink and tea cups.  But I want to also say that there is nothing wrong with lace, the color pink, or tea cups.  It's one of the beauties of modern womanhood.  We can hunt, and have tea parties.  Rock climb and knit.  Ski and ball-room dance.  We can wear camo one day, and eyelet the next.

If stereotypical "girly" things aren't your "cup of tea" -- that's okay.  But I want to address a mindset I've come across lately.  It's a resentful attitude toward anything "feminine", typically womanly.  Marriage has become a bitter word, and even the thought of being sought after and treated like a "princess" is embarrassing.

I think this attitude stems from unhealthy expectations. And bitter let-downs. We expect ourselves to someday measure up to Mrs. Proverbs 31.  We expect if we are virtuous enough and pretty enough, Prince Charming will show up.  We expect to serve God in church, at home, at the job, at school and at the volunteer you-name-it-center.  And we try.

And then somewhere in your twenties you wake up with the realization you haven't achieved any of this.  You're full of guilt, Prince Charming is nowhere or has left you broken-hearted, and you're just plain TIRED.  You're a failure.  It's a let-down.  And the spiritual solution:  "Try harder."  And the worldly solution:  "Grow up, it's not going to get any better."

We are left feeling we aren't pretty enough, we don't serve enough, and we're too needy and too wounded.  We will never get married, and femininity wasn't all it was made out to be.
The fact that every little girl has played dolly, has dressed up in mom's shoes, and is captivated by love stories, proves that we have an inherent desire to be needed, to be beautiful and to be sought after.  This is natural.  To downplay it or be ashamed of it, or even go so far as to reject it is a sign of being hurt or having dreams shattered.

Granted there are times the thought of motherhood scares us, we feel frumpy, we're tired and romance seems so complex.  But when you aren't pressed down be insecurities.  When it feels possible to dream, when you are simply being yourself, when demands and disappointments are forgotten -- what do we feel?  What do we desire?  What do we dream?

We find we don't want to run away from life.  We actually can admit we want to be a wife and a mom.  We want to to be part of a man's adventure and to be his helpmeet.  To be a warrior against our culture's sin.  To be confident and beautiful...maybe even relish in something beautiful and glittery...maybe something with lace and pink.

These emotions are part of being female and it's okay to let down our guard and accept them.  Our attitude affects more than just us.  Our disdain for femininity is a result of being hurt -- but it affects other women who dare to accept their femininity.  It's who we are.  And when we can embrace it we can encourage other women to do the same.  And by unashamedly being the women we are, men can also be encouraged to be the men they are supposed to be.

Your womanly courage inspires men to leave modern passivity and encourages them to take up the fight.  Our faithfulness in modesty, our daring to unveil who we are (as imperfect as it may be), our pursuit of beauty and femininity, and our acceptance of our womanhood, actually creates a desire in men to stand up and be the men they were created to be.  A feminine heart inspires heroism.  A womanly heart encourages strength to stand.

Our longings to be womanly and feminine, (no matter how long we've oppressed them) are whispers of the heart, calling out to us to fulfill our purpose as women.  Modern culture, feminists and romance novels will all try to lie and offer unsatisfying alternatives.  But that longing in your heart, the same one that made you delight in baking your first dessert, or dance in your mother's shoes, or plan a party, or sit on your Dad's knee, or blush when your brother said you look nice -- is your heart longing to be exactly who God created you to be - a feminine woman of God.

And how do we be that feminine woman of God?

There isn't a formula.  I don't know of any biblical check-lists.  Which thankfully means we aren't setting ourselves up to be failures.
It's honestly an adventurous journey.

To be continued...



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