Luke 8:54

"And he put them all out, and took her by the hand, and called, saying, Maid arise." Luke 8:54

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Marriage: Why or Why Not?

I was talking with a group of single young ladies, when the subject of marriage was brought up. One of the these young ladies was well into her late 20's, and casually mentioned the realization and serious possibility of her being single for the rest of her life. (After all, she was already "8 years" into old maid status!) A sober tension suddenly set over the room and you could have heard a pin drop. It was as if, someone had mentioned the unmentionable. Then one of the younger girls in the group braking the silence said, "Just the idea of never getting married makes me want to cry". And I understand that feeling. Honestly, I do. Every girl that I've ever met, WANTS to be married someday. We've played house since we were girls and have often vividly imagined our wedding day or maybe the kind of housewives and mommies we would be someday. It's a natural desire. But are we so SET on being married that we've actually built an idol in our heart? I hope not. Have we built a barrier that God isn't allowed to pass? 'God you have all of me, but you can't have my singleness?' Really? That isn't surrender. Surrender unconditionally lays everything on the table.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the idea of getting married, or what it means to get married in general. Why do we get married? What motivates us? Why do we just expect God to make it happen someday? Honestly. Have you ever thought about it? I'd encourage you to.

In marriage vows you often hear the little words: "For better or for worse." What does that mean? Exactly what it says. Marriage is not just something for our own gain. It cannot be selfish. You both give of yourselves, you both unconditionally love not matter what, you both are committed to staying faithful. And everyone would agree with that...once you're married. But what about long before you ever make those kind of vows? As a single person I mean. Are our reasons for staying married to someone, the same as why we'd actually marry someone? Is it okay to marry someone for selfish immature reasons, even though it isn't okay to stay with them for selfish immature reasons? I don't think so. Love is a choice. As a single person, why are you hoping to get married?

I feel like God has been doing a lot of work in my heart recently with this very subject. Our natural desires for marriage, for intimacy, for a close relationship with that special someone, for children, even for all the adventures marriage would bring, are okay. They aren't wicked. They are natural, even, God given. But just because they are such- also doesn't mean they should be our motivating factor. Just because something is "natural" doesn't make it our right to have. And just because God allows there to be a specific desire in our hearts, doesn't mean He'd be unkind to not actually give it to us.

So, with these thoughts in mind, here are maybe just a few reasons  which should or shouldn't motivate us in marriage that I'd like to share with you.

Marriage: Why or why not?

Maybe... why not? 
  • Because we expect it to give us happiness.
  • Because of sex hormones. 
  • Because it is just expected. (Especially by other Christians 
  • Because it would give us security. 
  • Because it would give us a form of identity. 
  • Because of companionship. 
  • Because it's a godly desire and seems spiritual
  • Because maybe we'd feel "needed" by someone else.
  • Because we'd have attention.
  • Because of natural longing to "set up house".
  • Because of the possibility of children.
  • Because we are unsure of what else to do with our lives.
  • Because it is just our natural "calling" as women.
  • Because we're scared to be permanently alone.
  • Because it is an idol in our hearts.
  • Because we are discontent.
  • Because we like someone in particular. 
  • Because we don't believe God is enough all by Himself.

But then maybe... Why?
  • Because it is God's will for your life and you know it.
  • Because GOD desires it, not just you.
  • Because God has given peace and clear direction towards it.
  • Because you could serve God better with that person, than without that person.
  • Because your heart is open to whatever God wants to do.
  • Because you truly love someone.
  • Because you're willing to give your life for someone else.
  • Because God has created and equipped us to be help meets. 
  • Because God created marriage to glorify Him.
  • Because marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church.
  • Because marriage is a gift from God.

I'm tired of seeing Christian girls waste their time looking for marriage, instead of running this race for Christ with Jesus as their prize. I'm horrified to watch so many young people carelessly jump into something so life changing and important, as marriage, with little thought towards God at all. I'm sick of other Christians adults looking at single people as incomplete or worthless. I'm saddened to think about how many people think that life is only about who you marry someday, and not actually the reason why you'd marry at all. 

I'm sure that marriage could be awesome someday. But how much more awesome would it be, rightly done, for the right reasons, with the right person, at the right time? God's time. God's way. God's plan. For God's glory. Because you both love Him? That would be worth living for. 


  1. Thank you SOOO much for posting this, Lynea! I would like to weigh in as a newly married person (one month + two days!) who was still single at age 33 and fully accepting of that status. All the reasons you outline above for getting married are, in my mind, the ONLY reasons. It's not about getting it's about giving. It's not about status it's about following the will of God for your life. A year ago I had no intention of ever marrying because I felt it was God's will for me to be single. Then along came a man who changed all that for me...but the neat part is that it had very little to do with this particular guy at first. I'd known him a long time and was never interested. It had to do with God making it extremely clear to me that He had a plan for us and I had to step out in faith and I'm still amazed at how God fit all the pieces together so perfectly and without my help :)
    I hope this is an encouragement to your readers to not seek marriage for its own sake, but to seek God for His sake and His glory and then whatever He brings into their lives will be wonderful.
    Marriage is wonderful. I'm enjoying it. But my singleness was wonderful too and I enjoyed it while it lasted. I would not trade either experience.
    Lots of love to you. Keep going on and keep writing!

    1. Loved your comment Jana,it was a blessing to me.You have a neat testimony on the marriage subject,very happy for you. :)


    2. Love your comment Jana! Thanks for sharing.

  2. Aw, Jana. Thanks for your comment! It blessed me. I'm so encouraged by your testimony and your story. :) I can't believe you've been married for over a month! What?! I feel like we just went to your wedding a few days ago. Crazy. :) So happy for you guys. I love you dearly. Thanks for commenting. :)

  3. Dear Lynea,

    "Have we built a barrier that God isn't allowed to pass?" There's no sugar-coating this, is there, since He expects a complete heart! At the "why not's" part, I read through one at a time, searching my heart for that motive. It's amazing how little things take roots in corners and begin to alter our thinking without our ever consciously noticing it. (Guess this calls for constant *weeding*!) :) I don't want anything blurring my vision or limiting God to human dimensions, either. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. Much love to you on your journey!


    1. Thank you Emily! I greatly appreciate your comment. It's such a blessing to hear from other young women who are seeking God with all their hearts.
      Blessings, Lynea

  4. Very neat Nay,really enjoyed this post.Our life most definitely doesn't start when we get married,we have a amazing ministry as singles.
    Thanks for sharing and encouraging us,


  5. Love the honestly this is conveyed with and the thoughts it brings to my mind. We should not seek Marriage ever as a goal. We should seek Christ as our goal. We should seek to minister to others. And if we actually believed God's word when He says we can minister to Him undistracted as singles we might never want to leave that season in our life. Thanks Nay.

    1. Thanks Liss. :) love you. Thankful for your heart and encouragement along the way.

  6. Love this post Nay. Convicting really. Thank you!