Trust

Spiritual Lessons

Trust 

Trust. A small little word with a lot of hurt behind it. Love. A smaller word, with just as much pain.

Anyone else in the world a person of extremes? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who struggles with moderation. I blame some of that on my genes. If you trace my lineage back far enough I'm convinced we Hutto's were Vikings. Moderation probably wasn't in their vocabulary any more than it's in mine. And then add my Sicilian blood from my mom...and yeah. I'm doomed.

So as a young girl, when I trusted – I trusted entirely. I trusted everyone I loved. In my world, you were either a bad guy, or a good guy. Black and white. And the good guys, I trusted.

I've always believed the best of everyone first. Call it what you will: optimism, naivete, childhood – but it's all I know; it's me. Every person is made in the image of God, and everyone has a God-given personality that is unique and beautiful, and somehow I was gifted (cursed?) with the ability to see that in people as soon as I met them.

I wasn't necessarily a sweet child. But deeply sincere. Everything I ever endeavored came from the farthest recesses of my soul; and it was natural for me to paste my heart to window panes. When I shared myself, I shared all of me. Transparent. Sensitive. Passionate. And why not share all of me? I didn't know the art of handing out pieces.

And as you can imagine I was disappointed by people. I remember a friend telling me she thought it was sweet that I could share so much of myself, but that she didn't intend on doing that. It was too scary.

I was hurt by people. Close souls who trampled my heart. Betrayal. Harsh words. No appreciation. Abandonment. Or even simpler – At work I met the most darling woman. She is eighty three, five foot (maybe), a hundred pounds with pure white hair. She loves to plant flowers and lives with a goose in her house. She's Irish with sparkling eyes and underneath her quavery voice and many wrinkles is enough spunk to see her to 100 years old. The only problem: she's dying of cancer. Our job is to travel that journey with her and make her as comfortable as possible. As soon as I found out, I thought – why do I fall in love with people that destiny is bound to hurt me with? I wrote in my journal – “I can't pick one human being that's easy to love. Or is there no such thing? Is humanity hard to love?”

I was devastated by people. Someone I respected. Those who should have known better. Gave away my heart to have it handed back – in a million pieces. The injustice. The sobbing. The anger. I remember wishing I was reserved and mysterious. That I could rip my heart off my sleeve and be like the quiet, normal people I knew. Everyone is intrigued by introverts. Maybe no one wanted to be my friend because I wasn't exciting. They could have all of me from the beginning – there wasn't anything to explore, pursue, figure out. Maybe people thought I was shallow because I so readily shared the deep parts of my soul. The more wounds I accumulated the more tempting it was to hide. To close off my heart to humanity, bad guys, and good guys.

And where has that left me?

I had two choices. To close the door to humanity and never trust again. It is possible. It sounds cliche or dramatic – but it's an easy thing to do. It's the safe and lonely route to take. Anger is easier than trust. It's the cop-out. It's self preservation. Defensive default. Self preservation and anger aren't wrong in and of themselves but I think we were created to trust. I know people who have decided not to trust anyone. They are miserable people. They are either bitter, frightened, lonely, or all three. They are safe. Safe from people, safe from trust, safe from love. 

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”  -- C.S. Lewis 

Or I could realize that not everyone is worth trusting. Even some “good guys”. There are levels of friendships. I'm not obligated to share myself with everyone. I'm allowed to pick who I wish to be vulnerable with.

Of course I'm still a person of extremes, so those I choose to trust I still inevitably trust with all my heart. And they still hurt me. Trustworthy people are going to hurt me. And people I trust can hurt me so much easier than those I don't trust. Pain is part of relationships; it's inevitable. There isn't such a thing as pain-free trust. Or pain-free love.

I was sitting across the restaurant table with my Dad last night. A man I decided a couple years ago was a man worth trusting. And I'm so glad I did. He is worth my trust. Worth the pain. He loves me back, and chooses to trust me too.  I am not an easy person to love, and yet he loves me back.

 I was telling him about a relationship that pained me. I told him how I keep reaching out and pulling my hand back, bloody. I vented about how I have chosen to continue the friendship, to keep wiping the blood off, only to have them accuse me. Pick at old wounds. His face softened. Instead of feeling defensive for me, he simply stated that it sounded kinda like the relationship we have with Christ. And even though that wasn't what I wanted to hear, it brought me back to some times I've apologized to God for my unfaithfulness to Him. The times I realized He still wanted to be my friend, even after I hadn't talked to Him all week. Even after I told Him that He didn't care and I was angry with Him. You know those relationships where if you could draw a picture to describe it, you'd have yourself at a door, in the rain, knocking? He waits. He knocks. And I leave Him out in the rain. And yet He has never forsaken me. He continually holds my hand through the darkest of times. He reminds me of Himself, gives me strength, listens, cares. God took the risk of loving humanity, even when he foreknew that we would deny him, curse him, reject him.

I've decided I want to love people. And I want to trust a few of them. It is too exhausting to preserve myself from everyone. And it's lonely. And it's even painful. Some people I've let go. And some I've gone back to. This time when I hand over my heart, I'm giving them permission to break it. I don't expect to keep it fully intact. Because they are human. And humans break hearts. And those I trust I know are going to do everything in their power to cherish the fact that I'm trusting them with something so fragile.

And there is a difference between loving someone and trusting them. I love quite a few people that I've chosen not to trust. But everyone I trust, I also love. With all of me.

I've come to the wild conclusion that trust is a dangerous thing. But coupled with love, it's beautiful and certain people are worth trusting. Even with the risk of them hurting me. And it's given me the ability to allow others to trust me. I desire to be trustworthy.

Toni. A small extreme person with hurts.

Addendum: Who is learning how to love and trust again.

Related Posts:

Bleeding Hearts

 

Love Enough To Let Go

Spiritual Lessons 

Love Enough To Let Go

Dear sisters,

I wanted to encourage you. How many of you feel “in love” with someone, right now? How many of you have that someone love you back? And yet you both remain silent. You can't move forward for some reason or another?


Do you miss him sometimes? Do little things remind you of him....constantly? Do you sometimes sit still enough to hear the quiet...and he comes to mind?

It's okay. It's natural.


Just wanted to encourage you to be thankful to be his friend right now. To tell God so. Jesus has trusted you with this emotional journey. Thank Him for it. It is a blessing to be a godly man's friend. Even if you yearn for it to go further, be okay with where you're at. It's a privilege. Be a good friend. It may be the only thing you will ever be to this man. You might as well be faithful in it. Don't take advantage of it.

If he is a good man, he probably protects you, even from himself. He is pure and discreet and a gentleman. Even despite his own feelings. Thank the Lord for him.


Be careful for his sake. Purposefully be mindful of his feelings.
Don't be afraid to keep quiet, or to revise how you say something. Wait, listen. Tell Jesus first. Go beyond “just” appropriate. Be a sister.


If you love him, ask Jesus to teach you how to love him like He desires you to. Lift Him up before God and embrace selflessness. Desire his best. Recognize he is God's son. Love him enough to let go. Maybe someday God will grant the desire of your heart. But for now, be willing to give up the dream. That is the beginning of truly loving him. You'll be so thankful that you did.



Related Posts:

Singleness -- Gift of Curse?

All His Biddings Are Joy 

Quote of the Day

"When a man falls in love his personality emerges and he enters into relationship with another personality. Love is not anything for me at all; love is the deliberate giving of myself right out to another person. The idea, I must have this person for myself, is not love, but lust. Lust counterfeits love in the same way that individuality counterfeits personality."

Oswald Chambers

Marriage: Why or Why Not?

I was talking with a group of single young ladies, when the subject of marriage was brought up. One of the these young ladies was well into her late 20's, and casually mentioned the realization and serious possibility of her being single for the rest of her life. (After all, she was already "8 years" into old maid status!) A sober tension suddenly set over the room and you could have heard a pin drop. It was as if, someone had mentioned the unmentionable. Then one of the younger girls in the group braking the silence said, "Just the idea of never getting married makes me want to cry". And I understand that feeling. Honestly, I do. Every girl that I've ever met, WANTS to be married someday. We've played house since we were girls and have often vividly imagined our wedding day or maybe the kind of housewives and mommies we would be someday. It's a natural desire. But are we so SET on being married that we've actually built an idol in our heart? I hope not. Have we built a barrier that God isn't allowed to pass? 'God you have all of me, but you can't have my singleness?' Really? That isn't surrender. Surrender unconditionally lays everything on the table.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the idea of getting married, or what it means to get married in general. Why do we get married? What motivates us? Why do we just expect God to make it happen someday? Honestly. Have you ever thought about it? I'd encourage you to.

In marriage vows you often hear the little words: "For better or for worse." What does that mean? Exactly what it says. Marriage is not just something for our own gain. It cannot be selfish. You both give of yourselves, you both unconditionally love not matter what, you both are committed to staying faithful. And everyone would agree with that...once you're married. But what about long before you ever make those kind of vows? As a single person I mean. Are our reasons for staying married to someone, the same as why we'd actually marry someone? Is it okay to marry someone for selfish immature reasons, even though it isn't okay to stay with them for selfish immature reasons? I don't think so. Love is a choice. As a single person, why are you hoping to get married?

I feel like God has been doing a lot of work in my heart recently with this very subject. Our natural desires for marriage, for intimacy, for a close relationship with that special someone, for children, even for all the adventures marriage would bring, are okay. They aren't wicked. They are natural, even, God given. But just because they are such- also doesn't mean they should be our motivating factor. Just because something is "natural" doesn't make it our right to have. And just because God allows there to be a specific desire in our hearts, doesn't mean He'd be unkind to not actually give it to us.

So, with these thoughts in mind, here are maybe just a few reasons  which should or shouldn't motivate us in marriage that I'd like to share with you.

Marriage: Why or why not?

Maybe... why not? 

• Because we expect it to give us happiness.
• Because of sex hormones. 
• Because it is just expected. (Especially by other Christians)  
• Because it would give us security. 
• Because it would give us a form of identity. 
• Because of companionship. 
• Because it's a godly desire and seems spiritual
• Because maybe we'd feel "needed" by someone else.
• Because we'd have attention.
• Because of natural longing to "set up house".
• Because of the possibility of children.
• Because we are unsure of what else to do with our lives.
• Because it is just our natural "calling" as women.
• Because we're scared to be permanently alone.
• Because it is an idol in our hearts.
• Because we are discontent.
• Because we like someone in particular. 
• Because we don't believe God is enough all by Himself.

But then maybe... Why?

 

• Because it is God's will for your life and you know it.
• Because GOD desires it, not just you.
• Because God has given peace and clear direction towards it.
• Because you could serve God better with that person, than without that person.
• Because your heart is open to whatever God wants to do.
• Because you truly love someone.
• Because you're willing to give your life for someone else.
• Because God has created and equipped us to be help meets. 
• Because God created marriage to glorify Him.
• Because marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church.
• Because marriage is a gift from God.

I'm tired of seeing Christian girls waste their time looking for marriage, instead of running this race for Christ with Jesus as their prize. I'm horrified to watch so many young people carelessly jump into something so life changing and important, as marriage, with little thought towards God at all. I'm sick of other Christians adults looking at single people as incomplete or worthless. I'm saddened to think about how many people think that life is only about who you marry someday, and not actually the reason why you'd marry at all. 

I'm sure that marriage could be awesome someday. But how much more awesome would it be, rightly done, for the right reasons, with the right person, at the right time? God's time. God's way. God's plan. For God's glory. Because you both love Him? That would be worth living for. 

Is telling the truth unloving?

Here I would like to take the awesome opportunity and introduce you to someone you probably don't know... Emily Satterfield. (Who recently just got married as in now, Mrs. Emily Thomes. :)) Her testimony for Christ has been a huge blessing to me personally, and I know that it will be to you as well. This is a very important and controversial subject. These words are written from the experience of a young woman that used to claim to be Christian but was also proud to be a part of the LGBT community. Please take the time to hear her story and how she found forgiveness in the loving truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Is telling the truth unloving?

"Is Christianity an easy path to walk? Is following Christ a journey that’s supposed to make us popular with the world or enemies of it? Did Jesus promise that we would be loved or hated for His name? Contrary to what so many evangelicals believe, both pastors and laypeople, Christianity is by nature divisive and does not mesh with the lost world. Initially submitting our lives to the lordship of Christ is a necessary and difficult thing that all sincere
believers must and will do, but I don’t think it’s the hardest thing we have to do. A true believer is one who doesn’t pick and choose which portions of the Bible to adhere to, and, while that seems commonsense, that principle often doesn’t carry over into our relationships with the unbelieving world around us. Yet somehow, either due to lack of discipleship or courage, frankly, we are much quicker to cherry-pick which parts of the Bible we follow when it comes to the lives of those around us. It’s scary when the truth forces us to go beyond ourselves, and as a result, many of us wrestle with obedience and
often fall painfully short. We cower back and reject the conviction He brings us, even when there are souls at stake. It is not an overstatement to say that most people are under the misconception that discussing the sins of others is unloving. “Judge not” is a phrase I’ve heard used out of context more times than I could count, and that’s just from within the church. Yet in John 7:24, Jesus tells us “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” Perhaps we have to dig beyond the first verse in Matthew 7 to understand what Jesus meant in regards to judging.

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” – Matthew 7:1-5

Upon further examination of the text, we can see plainly that Jesus is referring to judging hypocritically. To go to a brother living in blatant sin while you yourself are living in blatant sin is hypocritical and isn’t going to hold any weight with your brother and could cause him to doubt the authenticity of your walk. We must first repent (remove the log out of our eye) then go to our brother that he may also repent (help him remove the speck from his eye). Here we see not a warning to keep our mouths shut, but rather a charge to repent and help your brother to do the same. Obedience to God is the most loving thing we can do for both Jesus and those who must repent. We know
that those who walk in darkness do not know God (1 John 1:6). We know that Jesus’ call to all His followers was to “repent and believe in the gospel” (Mark 1:15). We also read in John 14:23 that those who love Him will obey Him. So what is it that keeps believers from faithful obedience when it involves others outside of themselves? That answer is found in Proverbs 29:25: “The fear of man lays a snare…” It’s scary to tell lost people that they’re lost. It’s frightening, particularly with loved ones, to tell them that their lifestyles are incompatible with the faith and that they must repent. It no longer looks pious and prestigious when we go from living holy lives that look different but don’t directly affect others to engaging with a culture that hates the gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus promised us that believers would suffer in this world. Paul told us that “all who desire to live godly lives in Christ Jesus will be persecuted”
(2 Timothy 3:12).

As believers, we have to be honest with this dying world, despite the costs we’ll surely face. We’ve been granted salvation from hell and an abundant life in the present while the lost are condemned and headed for hell apart from Him granting them repentance and faith. Jesus said, “Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God” (John 3:18). At this very moment, our neighbors and loved ones are at enmity with God because they have not repented and believed. Christians have been given a commission; a parting command from our Savior:

“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” – Matthew 28:19-20a

Believers have been given an obligation and a responsibility to proclaim the truth to this world even when in an age of ‘tolerance’ that’s the most unpopular thing we can do. The modern understanding of ‘tolerance’ is directly contrary to what the Bible teaches, as it demands that we not only accept but
celebrate various forms of sin in the lives of those around us. Not only can we not condone the sins of this world, but we must go to those who are practicing it and share both the gospel and what He’s commanded them to do. As scary as that seems, I assure you that the original disciples faced far greater risks for their obedience as we do today in America. The task is made to appear harder when one considers how groups like the Westboro Baptist Church have done more than put a bad taste in the mouths of many Americans, both the lost and the saved. They picket funerals in protest of sins like homosexuality and they do so in the name of Christ but demonstrate no discernible fruit by which one might reasonably consider them to be sincerely Christian. Not everyone who says to Him “Lord, Lord” will actually inherit the Kingdom of God (Matthew 7:21-23). In light of this baggage, how should the believer go about speaking the truth to the lost about their sin? Paul gives us the answer in Ephesians 4:15 with the phrase “speaking the truth in love”. In that verse we see that there’s a message (the truth) and a manner that conveys that message (love). Though many will still lump true Christians who display this character with those of Westboro Baptist Church, the difference is known at least to God and those sheep who will hear His voice and repent by His grace. Figuring out how to communicate the content of the message of truth is perhaps the most difficult part. The believer first has to give that person a context for what sin is and what its effects are. This is where the gospel comes in. We have to tell the lost, whether they are deceived ‘cultural christians’ or adamantly atheistic, about their sin nature and enmity with God, their need for reconciliation with Him, and the atonement He made at the cross for those who will repent and believe. In Romans 7, Paul tells us “if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin.” The law shows us that we’ve fallen short. The law brings us, by the Holy Spirit, conviction for our sin. The remedy for that sin is the gospel, the power of God for salvation for all who believe (Romans 1:16). This means that people have to understand that they are sinners and are guilty before a holy God. We have to be faithful to speak the truth to them, in love, that they may repent. If we’re affirming sinners in their sin, we’re aiding them into condemnation. That is not love but hate.

I became a believer in April of 2014 at 22 years old. Up until that point, since age 15, I was dating girls in serial monogamous relationships. I esteemed myself to be a ‘good person’ and had many ‘believers’ in my life affirming me in my sin. I was kind to my family, was a loyal friend, and was bold for the LGBT cause. I enjoyed my sins of course (drunkenness, drugs, sexual immorality, etc.) but called myself a Christian and boldly proclaimed “Love is love, and God is love.” I had formed a god in my head to suit my sin and my
desires that resembled nothing of the God of the Bible. I had a few people reach out to me to show me my error and my need for a Savior but I had “already done that” (prayed a sinner’s prayer and been baptized) and was content. I was condemned where I stood and was storing up wrath by the minute. Fortunately the Lord showed me mercy and opened my eyes, through His law, to see my sin and my depravity and He granted me forgiveness and a new life no longer enslaved to sin. I did not enjoy the few times that believers came to me and pleaded with me to repent. I so much more liked those who shrugged and either said “God will save her when she’s ready” or worse, “She’s a good person. Surely God wouldn’t send her to hell for acting on those feelings.” Who loved me rightly? Who was obeying our Lord and caring for my soul? It’s easy to overlook those who are in sin either because it’s scary to talk to them about it or because we can’t fathom that they’re condemned already apart from Him. If we believe the Bible is the word of God, and all sincere believers do, we have no choice but to go to those who are in sin and plead with them that they repent and believe. If we believe that hell is what’s
awaiting them, how can we not do all in our power to stop them? How selfish could we be to withhold the keys to eternal life from others just as guilty as ourselves for fear of rolled eyes or at worst, an argument? Do we value our egos so much that we can’t be obedient to Jesus and give them the truth they must hear to be saved (Romans 10:17)?

It was Spurgeon who said “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”

Because we love Jesus and because we love our neighbors, we have to be radically obedient. We have to endure what comes anytime truth is proclaimed in a sin filled world and trust the results to God. It’s easy to let culture and fear trap us and keep us quiet and ineffective. We must repent of our apathy for the
lost, and we must obey. He can save and He will save; we need only be submissive to Him and rejoice that He allows us to take part in the unfolding of His plan. If we believe the Bible, we cannot and we will not be silent.

 “For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!” – 1 Corinthians 9 "

A Divine Appointment

Maybe this will encourage someone.

Sometimes it is a Divine appointment. Sometimes it is just being willing to listen to someone...to ask questions...to think for yourself...to put yourself out there...or just to care enough to be someone's friend.

I don't like Walmart. In fact, I hate that store and typically never shop there. But I found myself there after work the other night running errands with my sister. I went up to the photo counter. Just a few quick prints while I was killing time waiting. It was after hours, and so usually the photo department would have a sign that said something like "see electronics for assistance". Well, sure enough there was that sign. But there was a young woman still working behind the counter. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun and she was wearing a long black skirt. I smiled at her and she came over to assist me. We exchanged the usual "Hello, how are yous". Usually only "Christians" of some flavor wear skirts anymore. There was a pause in conversation...so I asked her. "Are you a Christian?" She looked up surprised. "No. I'm agnostic. I don't believe anything." "Oh." I said. She continued...."my husband and I hold a bible study once a week at our house though." "Oh, okay." I was surprised. "So... if you don't believe anything, what is it that you do at your bible study?" I asked. She looked even more surprised. "Good question". She said smiling. "We just ask questions. We try to figure things out by discussing questions with each other." "So... have you found any answers?" She smiled again and said, "Good question!" (She had a thing for questions. :)) She nodded her head and said how that they had all decided that there would be enough room on earth to hold all the people who have ever been born when the Resurrection takes place. (Wow. That was the first time I'd heard that one.) "Oh, really? Well, why would you need space on earth if we are being resurrected?" I asked. She looked dumbfounded for a second and then said again, more emphatically... "That's a good question! I don't know." She was smiling at me. She seemed both happy and surprised that some random person in Walmart would care to talk to her about her religious views...or lack thereof. "Well, I'm a Christian. Can I give you a book to read?" I said...searching my bag for the copy of the book "DONE" I had ready for such occasions. (For those who don't know what that book is... it is basically a short read, giving the gospel of Jesus Christ and explaining how there are only really two religions in the world. Those who believe you DO something to earn God's favor and those who trust what Jesus has already DONE on the cross. It's an awesome tool for evangelism.) "Yes!" She said. I was so excited she would take it and that I wasn't hauled out by a Walmart manager for "distributing christian literature"! Haha"I hope this helps you find some answers", I said and then asked if I could give her my phone number. We exchanged names. I don't normally give my phone number to strangers...but I've taken to doing it quite often lately when the appropriate occasion presents itself. "Do you text?" She asked. "Yes. And I'd love to talk to you more if you have any questions." She was so appreciative...and I really believe sincerely seeking. I paused before leaving. "You know, I really believe that God wanted me to talk to you today...and to give you that book." She just smiled at me. She knew I cared. She knew I was sincerely concerned for her soul. And she thanked me.

Sometimes God just throws someone in our path. Sometimes not. Jesus went to SEEK the lost...He didn't just wait around for some special feeling of "this is my one supernatural opportunity for the week". He went looking for sinners. In fact, He was a FRIEND to sinners. We should be careful not to be more concerned about "spiritual separation" than the souls of men. We are not to be OF the world...but we are to be IN it. But it is so exciting when you get to see a Divine Appointment play out. God gives us a free will. He gave us a choice to obey. Or to disobey. To be silent. Or to speak out. One thing I have learned with all my heart...is that God loves to use people who are willing! Any time I've ever asked Him to use me...He does. Any time I've really honestly been open...He takes me up on it. Why? Because He cares about lost souls. He loves them. Unlike us. He doesn't waste an opportunity to reach someone with the gospel of Jesus Christ...no matter where it is or what it is or who it is....and neither should we.

Quote of the Day

"If we have a cold heart towards a servant or a friend, why should we wonder if we have no fervor towards God? If we are cold in our private prayers, we should be earthly and dull in the most devout religious order: if we cannot bear the vexations of a companion, how should we bear the contradiction of sinners? if a little pain overcomes us, how could we endure a cross? if we have no tender, cheerful, affectionate love to those with whom our daily hours are spent, how should we feel the pulse and ardor of love to the unknown and the evil, the ungrateful and repulsive?"

(H.E.Manning, Daily Strength for Daily Needs P. 126)

A Virtuous Young Woman

Spiritual Lesson

A Virtuous Young Woman

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price if far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10)

I just recently read Proverbs 31. We are all familiar with this chapter as being the chapter of what a virtuous woman must look like. I’ve heard it typically used in reference to married women. It will most likely be mentioned on “Mother’s Day”, as in, this is what a godly wife or mother should be. Which is true, especially since there are several references to this Proverbs 31 woman being both a wife and a mother; but, this chapter isn’t just for married women. This was also King Lemuel’s counsel to his son, in choosing a bride. These were character traits he admonished his son to look for in a young lady. The principles of Proverbs 31 apply to all women. Whether single, engaged, married, or even widowed. In this post, I would like to apply them to single young woman. Girls who, while desiring to someday apply them practically towards both their future husbands and children, can also apply them in their daily lives right now.

We do not have to wait until we are married to be virtuous women for the Lord.

There is a lot to be learned from Proverbs 31, and many things, which the Lord will most likely be teaching me for the rest of my life. But it begins now. And while I may not be able to comment on everything addressed in this chapter, I would like to share just a few thoughts with some of the things I recently observed. 

 “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:11-12)

Firstly, I see trust. She is a trustworthy person. “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her”. She is someone he can trust. She is faithful to him, not only as a wife, but also as a friend. She isn’t running off to tell her girlfriends (or her mother) everything about their relationship. She is committed to him. He is able to trust her with his heart. It can be very hard sometimes to allow yourself to be vulnerable and to trust your heart with someone; let alone if that person has or is continually betraying that trust. She is accepting of him. I think this is important, because it is nearly impossible to “safely trust” someone who doesn’t really love and accept you for who you are. And I don’t necessarily mean a tolerance for sin, but grace towards a sinner. (We are all sinners saved by God’s grace.) 

Question: Are you trustworthy?

The habits we form, the faults which we do not change, will follow us for the rest of our lives. Walking down the aisle on your wedding day doesn’t magically warp you into the “perfect helpmeet” you’ve always desired to be.

Can the people in your life right now trust you? Are you always eager to share the latest about “so and so”? Do you gossip? Is there wisdom in your words? There is nothing quite so blessed and liberating as a trusty friend. Someone you can be yourself with, because no matter what, they’re going to love you. Someone you can bear your soul to, because they care. Someone who you can confidently give all of your heart to, because you know you are able to trust them fully. Such a friend is priceless. And maybe you can think of just such a person. But are you that kind of person? Are you that kind of friend? Are you that daughter? Or maybe that sister?

“She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.” (Proverbs 31:13)

“She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” (Proverbs 31:27)

Then I see that she is industrious. She isn’t lazy or idle, but is seeking opportunities to bless her house. Sometimes as young girls, the idea of building up a “future house” sounds much more appealing than building up the one you are currently in. We might think that we'll definitely put effort into our "future house" once we are married; but my question is, do you do that now, with your father's house? Proverbs 14:1 says- “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” And while this does apply to your “future house”(marriage) too, it also applies to your current house. If you are a wise woman, you will be building up, not tarring down, not idling away your time.

The Bible says that we are to do "all things as unto the Lord". If this were truly our hearts intent, it simply would not matter where you were doing this. Whether that is at home, on the job, at church, or maybe in some other form of ministry. We do not have to wait, and we should not wait, until we are married with our own house and husband to be building up the people around us.

As a single daughter at home, the Lord has given me many opportunities to “build up my home” where I am. Whether that is cleaning the house, doing dishes, making dinner, encouraging my dad, helping my mom, tackling the laundry pile, or even simply having a thankful, joyful spirit; we do not have to wait until we are “running our own house” to be a blessing. No, actually, it is when you are helping at home right now that you learn how to be a helpmeet for the future. And truly, learning to joyfully accept the mundane tasks and duties of everyday life is a very important, challenging lesson of itself.

Learning to walk in the spirit among our daily responsibilities is where the rubber meets the road. Life isn’t always exciting. And marriage won’t automatically make the drudgery of work glamorous.

“She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household….” (Proverbs 31:15)

Before my mom left recently to visit my sister for two weeks, she asked me to make sure my dad had lunch every day for work. My dad normally leaves around 6:30 or so in the morning. And even though I am a morning person, this isn't always exactly enjoyable. This virtuous woman rose "also while it is yet night". Let me just say, this verse is not advocating that women don’t ever sleep. That would be stupid. But, it does say something about where this woman’s heart was. She was more than willing to do whatever it took to take care of her household, including rising up while it was still dark; another words, really early. And there’s nothing wrong with sleep. J (Thank the Lord!) But, as virtuous young women, we need to be willing to forgo, if need be. This is certainly the case when it comes to motherhood. You can’t just let your baby cry all night from want of milk. You have to sacrifice. And it would be the same being a wife. Granted, your husband won’t be crying all night because he’s hungryJ, but still, there are sacrifices that will need to be made. The odds are, if you aren’t willing to get up early and make a quick lunch for your dad right now, you probably won’t be willing to for your husband either, if necessary. 

“She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple….She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.” (Proverbs 31:21-22,24-25)

What you prepare, God is able to use. (Please consider reading this post.) It is the same with marriage. The more you prepare, the better equipped you will be. Cooking, baking, everyday household chores, canning, gardening, and even health are all good things to know before you get married. Not to mention that they are also all practical ways to help as a daughter at home.

Proverbs 31:29 says, “Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.” And while this woman was greatly praised for her virtuous qualities, I also have to mention, she also had handmaids. J Now a days, to be a stay-at-home, homeschooling mommy, you are not just “mother”, but “teacher” and sometimes “doctor” too. It would be wise to prepare to the best of our ability. Although, it is also a comfort to know that no matter how unprepared, or even how prepared, we may feel, truly, the Lord is our helper.

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” (Proverbs 31:26)

She has wisdom. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

The virtuous young woman is kind. “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

I Corinthians 13:4 says, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind;”

Kindness is rooted in love. When we really love someone, kindness will naturally follow. I Corinthians 13 goes on to say… “charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

Having charity and kindness towards others starts long before marriage does. This is something we should have towards all men. Something we should practice towards our siblings. Something we should have towards our family. Towards our friends. Towards our neighbor. Towards the lost.

Lately, the Lord has been very faithful to show me that I have a “love problem”. It is very humbling to realize that your love is, at its best, selfish and utterly failing. We want to be loved more than we care to give love. Our natural human love is rooted only in completely selfishness. It is when we acknowledge our lack of love and our desperate need for it, that Christ is then able to fill us with His love, which is perfect, unselfish, and never once failing. He will give us His love towards others.

 It is convicting to see that the things about someone else that continually annoy and maybe even frustrate me, don’t actually annoy and frustrate Him. Why? Because, He loves that person.  He is love. And I, most certainly, am not. But again, He is able to enable us with that love. Charity, “Beareth all things … Endureth all things.” When the faults and failures of someone else continually affect, annoy, and hurt you, Charity still, "Beareth all things...Endureth all things." Charity, “Hopeth all things…Believeth all things.” Jesus is the One who is able to change hearts. But even when we feel like someone is completely unworthy of our love, we still love because He first loved us, not because that person deserves it. We have never once deserved His love- and yet, He still loves us.

“She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.” (Proverbs 31:20)

In verses 8 and 9 it says, “Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction. Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.”

Who are the poor? Who are the needy? Who are those appointed to destruction?

The lost souls of men(To Be His Witness)

Babies being murdered by abortion(Who Will Speak Out For the Voiceless)

The homeless and the hungry
Others you may know with needs

Are we willing to “stretch out our hand” to the poor and to the needy? To make a difference in someone else’s life? To stand up against the evils of our day? To open our mouths with truth and kindness? To love someone more than you love yourself? We need to be available vessels for His glory.

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.” (Proverbs 31:30-31)