Pain
Yesterday's
quote made me stop and think.
God
works all things together for good to them that love Him. (Romans
8:28). The good that God gives, naturally seems good...they are
undeserved blessings or things we've wished for, or things that
appeal to us. Or the inevitable evils that are stayed by His hand –
these seem like Him working all things for good because it is the
desired outcome.
But
what about the evils that do come and are allowed to dwell in our
midst? What about the hurts that are experienced, the losses,
disappointments, needs? How do these things fit into the “good”
category?
My
tenuous personal example is my health. My health is definitely not
what most people consider good. In fact, not only does it not reach
ideal, but it's sick, broken, bad...evil. If God is good, if He
works all things together for good, than why this allowed evil?
Evils
in our lives, and the lives around us, cannot be ignored. There is no
sand pit deep enough in which to hide our heads. Our world is too
full of sin.
Why
all of this evil?
Well,
for one, I know a world of sin wasn't His choice, it was ours. Adam
chose evil for human-kind and so evil is inherently ours. Not to
mention, thousands of years later, we still choose the same evil.
But God in His great love for us chose to save us from this evil. So
He paid sin's debt on the cross.
But,
as a child of God, even after accepting His salvation, evil still
affects me. Why? I can't escape it until I get out of this
world...but there's still the settling of the claim that “all
things work together for good”.
Over
the past 4 years I have been amazed at this lesson. I've learned
that the “evil” that reaches me actually is good.
My greatest “evil” is pain. I have learned to accept that pain
isn't proof that He doesn't exist, or worse, that He doesn't care –
it's part of life; the believer's life as well as the lost's.
Anytime I have experienced pain He was there. No, He didn't make it
go away. But He made sure it wasn't more than I could handle. He
stood there and held my hand. He made sure it didn't last longer
than it had to. Who chooses pain's intensity and length of time? We
certainly don't. If it were up to us, we would have none at all.
Satan, on the other hand, would have it last an eternity. But thank
God He is all-powerful and loves us enough to allow pain's benefits
while making a way of escape. (1 Corinthians 10:13).
He
takes the evils of this sin-sick world and changes it for my good. I
wouldn't trade pain for anything; it has been my sweetest experiences
of Him. “It is good for me
that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.”
Psalm 119:71
Through
my weaknesses and pain I have learned the secret source of perfect
strength: God. “...Mostly gladly therefore will I rather glory in
my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2
Corinthians 12:9
Only
God could bring healing through hurt. Only He could make tears
cleansing and sorrow a song. There is peace in allowing Him to sing
and just following his strange melody.
I
wrote this while experiencing horrible pain:
Sing
soul, sing
Yet
when I try
a
lilt of pain
Is
all I cry
Sing
soul, sing
I
pause to hear
the
tune He sings
Fills
me with fear
Sing
soul, sing
He
sings a tune
Of
unknowns dark
and
gaping wound
Sing
soul, sing
Oh
follow me
Must
dare to try
Dark
harmony
Sing
soul, sing
My
dry lips part
“It
hurts, it hurts
This
bleeding heart”
Sing
soul, sing
Through
gritted teeth
“Fear
not” He says
“Oh
God” I breathe
Sing
soul sing
Praise
Him and dare
To
thank Hi for
All
that's unfair
Sing
soul, sing
I
dare believe
that
He knows best
And
best for me
Sing
soul, sing
A
song of pain
A
healing hurt
A
hum of rain
Sing
soul, sing
Until
He's done
Sing
on sing on
...I've
finally sung.
To
refine something doesn't mean to punish it, but only to purify it.
Could it be that I am being purified?
“Man
has a claim on God, a Divine claim for any pain, want,
disappointment, or misery that will help to make him what he ought to
be. He has a claim to be ...spared not one pang that may urge him to
repentance...to be hedged in on every side...to thwart him in any
desire, foil him in any plan, frustrate him of any hope, until he
comes to see at length that nothing will ease his pain, nothing make
life a thing worth having, but the presence of the living God.”
–
George MacDonald
I
can claim pain as my bridge to His presence. Of course He is always
there, pain or not, but in pain I need Him and through this
dependence I learn who He is. I can accept pain as a way of life.
There is peace in acceptance.
What
is:
Freedom
from disturbances
Freedom
from war
Freedom
from internal commotion
Freedom
from agitation or disturbance of the passions, as from fear, terror,
anxiety or the like; quietness of mind; tranquility, calmness; quiet
or conscience.
That
is Webster's definition of peace. Peace is not an absence of these
disturbances but a freedom from them. In acceptance I find peace, a
freedom from my pain.
Job
had every earthly right to wonder at the pain God allowed in his
life. And he asks over and over – “Why?” But when God shows
Himself to Job, Job has no thought of his pain but on God's
greatness. Job didn't have to understand anything else. He didn't
need the answer to his “why”, Job could accept God as enough.
I
recently read C.S. Lewis' “A Grief Observed” and something Lewis
pointed out comforted me:
“When
I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather
special sort of 'No answer'. It is not a locked door. It is more
like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He
shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, 'Peace
child; you don't understand.'
Can
a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I
should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable. How many
hours are there in a mile? Is yellow square or round? Probably half
the questions we ask – half our great theological and metaphysical
problems – are like that.” (69)
Why
do I hurt? Why is this evil allowed? Could these questions actually
be like asking if yellow is square or round? Most likely. It is not
disinterest in me that He is often silent, but His infinite
understanding matched to my ignorant questions. Love often allows
His loved ones to hurt. But only for a time...and only for their
good. I have found peace in acceptance without my circumstances
changing. Only God.
“How
hard to hold a hurt
But
sweet to take and trust
Bloody,
blind in my unknowns
But
held by One who loves
Sleep
my be coveted
But
this He chose for me
There's
peace in acceptance
That's
all the rest I need
This
sweet kind of sunshine
Is
high above my fears
A
Presence with a name
A
warmth that drys my tears
Pain
may come and impale
Emotions
surge or cease
But
with Him a call away
I
can go on – I'm free.
T.L.H.
