Singleness -- Gift or a Curse?

Spiritual Lessons 

Singleness -- 

Gift or a Curse? 

I know some of us get sick of hearing that singleness is a “gift”.


Many times women echo similar thoughts of my own heart.
Women crave to be held. To experience the ecstatic energy of being thought about and wanted and singular in someone's mind. We see a young family in the restaurant enjoying their children and we yearn for it.


We are tired of providing for ourselves. We want to come behind a man and enable him to be the godly man God envisions him to be. We want to make a difference. We desire the security and protection of our man. Our heart yearns and it cannot be fulfilled. We are sometimes lonely.



How is this a gift?
Say it wasn't a gift. Say it was a curse. What then?

There have been many times in my life I found myself in less than desirable circumstances. Not so very long ago I was curled up on my bed in the fetal position begging God to kill me. I was in so much pain. I faced the possibility of lymphoma. The grueling two year journey towards health. I've experienced people maligning me. I've had good friends misunderstand me. I've fought demons. I've had some of the dearest people in my life break my heart. I've questioned God's mercy. And I've lived with depression.


Were these times in my life a gift or a curse?


These things made me fall on my face desperate for a living God. These circumstances stretched my faith until the breaking point, only to grow it stronger. They molded me. They taught me the sovereignty of God. These experiences led me on a journey of repentance. They taught me thankfulness for my relationships. These “evil” things showed me a better glimpse through that dark glass of who God really is. I no longer took certain things for granted. They are the best things that ever happened to me.


I am convinced that if God cursed me with singleness my response we be almost the same as if I found it to be a gift. I would rejoice. I would thank Him. Even though He slay me – I will still trust Him. And I am also certain that the “evil” parts of being single are the things that grow us. With the right heart, singleness can be the best thing that ever happened to us. It can be that thing that makes us fall on our face desperate for the living God. It can teach us who He really is and bring us on a journey of repentance. And it can give us a thankful heart.


But just as all my other experiences could have led me to be angry or bitter or discontent – so can singlehood. If we find ourselves angry with women who are content in their singlehood we need to take a look at our heart and repent of our selfish behavior. It is selfish. Because we then go around trying to dissuade others' “delusions” of the grandeur of singleness. Plainly, that's called discouragement. Repent ladies. We aren't supposed to be discouraging our sisters.

I understand some women are silly. Some women flaunt their singleness. Some women may even try to be proud of their status to soothe their desires. But, claiming singlehood as a gift does not negate the hardships and the hurts that come with singlehood. Saying singleness is good does not mean we think marriage is bad or under-par. Embracing our singlhood is not a cop-out because we were refused the desire of our heart. And finding joy in our singleness doesn't mean we are starting a girl's club with the years of singlehood as a our badges.


Singleness is a stage of life that can be beautiful. If it is a gift, which I believe it is, rejoice and embrace it. Learn from it. Use it. Give Him glory.

And if you cannot be convinced that it is a gift, rejoice in your curse. Learn from it. Use it. Give Him glory.