God's Satisfaction In Singleness

Post by Guest Writer Hannah Herndon on singleness.  Encouraging! 

God's satisfaction 

In Singleness 

...For she was given all to fleshly lust,
And poured forth in sensuall delight,
That all regard of shame she had discust,
And meet respect of honour put to flight:
So shamelesse beauty soone becomes a loathly sight.

Faire Ladies, that to love captived arre,
And chaste desires do nourish in your mind,
Let not her fault your sweet affections marre,
Ne blot the bounty of all womankind;
'Mongst thousands good one wanton Dame to find:
Emongst the Roses grow some wicked weeds;
For this was not to love, but lust inclind;
For love does alwayes bring forth bounteous deeds,
And in each gentle hart desire of honour breeds.

The Faerie Queene, Edmund Spenser, 1590

The difference between love and lust, and the avoidance of lust, is something that can consume a girl's time and energy to a great extent. No follower of Christ wants to imitate the fleshly lust that the world is consumed with, and that flaunts itself on magazine covers and in romance novels. We recoil in horror at the thought of being this lady, described by Spenser:

Nought so of love this looser Dame did skill,
But as a coale to kindle fleshly flame,
Giving the bridle to her wanton will,
And treading under foote her honest name:
Such love is hate, and such desire is shame.

But when you have real needs, it can be hard not to think on that "someone". It can make you spend all day constantly thinking, "am I overstepping the bounds in my thoughts?" I don't know how many other girls have this problem, but I certainly have. It isn't healthy, to walk between doubt and desire, fear of sinning and a need that feels unmet.

 "God's love isn't a substitute for a man's, but it is better. It doesn't satisfy in the same way as a husband would, but it is more than enough to satisfy the soul."

I think I have found the key to resolving that kind of thinking, and I wanted to share it here. It doesn't honor God to walk between fear of "overstepping bounds" and the real desires that we all have. Trying to just "repress" those feelings isn't the answer. Neither is telling yourself that you just must go without until God sees fit for you to marry (this can lead to a secret grudge against God, among other things.) Nor is it telling yourself that God can fulfill those needs, and trying to find an outlet for those feelings in thinking about Him. (Although it isn't far from the answer, it misses closely... like just barely missing someone in a game of blind-man's-bluff.)

Yesterday I was doing dishes, in the afternoon... feeling a bit lonely, and having this "feelings struggle" for most of the day. I knew it wasn't healthy. I knew that God had something better for me to do than think on love and lust. I just turned and started thinking about God. I thought of all the good things He's done for me, as His child... given me an eternal hope, an inheritance in heaven that will never fade, and the loving family around me... and just that quickly, the thoughts of the "someone" faded away as I looked on the Lord's face. "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits" (Psalm 103). I realized what had just happened, and turned in amazement to see the thoughts of the longed-for person fading away, in my mind.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace."

The thing was, I didn't try to visualize God as a substitute for the love of a man. I've done that many times, and it never worked. I realized that the love of God and the love of a man are two different things. God's love isn't a substitute for a man's, but it is better. It doesn't satisfy in the same way as a husband would, but it is more than enough to satisfy the soul. I realized that it is quite possible to live and be whole without the love of a man, by experience. It doesn't mean that a man's love isn't good or wonderful. It's just an extra thing, optional in the course of life. Not necessary. I felt that I could live quite happily just serving God. Marriage will be wonderful, if I get to have it. But I don't need it.

Singleness -- Gift or a Curse?

Spiritual Lessons 

Singleness -- 

Gift or a Curse? 

I know some of us get sick of hearing that singleness is a “gift”.


Many times women echo similar thoughts of my own heart.
Women crave to be held. To experience the ecstatic energy of being thought about and wanted and singular in someone's mind. We see a young family in the restaurant enjoying their children and we yearn for it.


We are tired of providing for ourselves. We want to come behind a man and enable him to be the godly man God envisions him to be. We want to make a difference. We desire the security and protection of our man. Our heart yearns and it cannot be fulfilled. We are sometimes lonely.



How is this a gift?
Say it wasn't a gift. Say it was a curse. What then?

There have been many times in my life I found myself in less than desirable circumstances. Not so very long ago I was curled up on my bed in the fetal position begging God to kill me. I was in so much pain. I faced the possibility of lymphoma. The grueling two year journey towards health. I've experienced people maligning me. I've had good friends misunderstand me. I've fought demons. I've had some of the dearest people in my life break my heart. I've questioned God's mercy. And I've lived with depression.


Were these times in my life a gift or a curse?


These things made me fall on my face desperate for a living God. These circumstances stretched my faith until the breaking point, only to grow it stronger. They molded me. They taught me the sovereignty of God. These experiences led me on a journey of repentance. They taught me thankfulness for my relationships. These “evil” things showed me a better glimpse through that dark glass of who God really is. I no longer took certain things for granted. They are the best things that ever happened to me.


I am convinced that if God cursed me with singleness my response we be almost the same as if I found it to be a gift. I would rejoice. I would thank Him. Even though He slay me – I will still trust Him. And I am also certain that the “evil” parts of being single are the things that grow us. With the right heart, singleness can be the best thing that ever happened to us. It can be that thing that makes us fall on our face desperate for the living God. It can teach us who He really is and bring us on a journey of repentance. And it can give us a thankful heart.


But just as all my other experiences could have led me to be angry or bitter or discontent – so can singlehood. If we find ourselves angry with women who are content in their singlehood we need to take a look at our heart and repent of our selfish behavior. It is selfish. Because we then go around trying to dissuade others' “delusions” of the grandeur of singleness. Plainly, that's called discouragement. Repent ladies. We aren't supposed to be discouraging our sisters.

I understand some women are silly. Some women flaunt their singleness. Some women may even try to be proud of their status to soothe their desires. But, claiming singlehood as a gift does not negate the hardships and the hurts that come with singlehood. Saying singleness is good does not mean we think marriage is bad or under-par. Embracing our singlhood is not a cop-out because we were refused the desire of our heart. And finding joy in our singleness doesn't mean we are starting a girl's club with the years of singlehood as a our badges.


Singleness is a stage of life that can be beautiful. If it is a gift, which I believe it is, rejoice and embrace it. Learn from it. Use it. Give Him glory.

And if you cannot be convinced that it is a gift, rejoice in your curse. Learn from it. Use it. Give Him glory.

All His Biddings are Joy

Spiritual Lessons

Post written by guest writer Rebecca Robinson.  A beautiful description on the joy of singleness!

All His Biddings are Joys

Singleness is not one of life's trials; it's not a cross to be borne. In it there is no suffering, no evil, no grief. It is not like when the man you've been married to for 20 years abandons you and your children to scurry into dark corners with sloppy wanton women. It's not like suddenly losing your child and being forced to bury them into the cold earth, with the brilliance of their life still ringing in your unbelieving retinas like a light snuffed out. 

I don't mean to minimize that truth, "each heart knows it's own bitterness," and I certainly have struggled all my life with feelings of resentment and self loathing in relation to being alone. But that's quite my point- I spent YEARS behaving in my heart and mind as though I were without something I deserved; as though I were suffering a loss. It caused me to slink into bad relationships several times, out of thirst and lack of trust. What a waste of precious time!

Elisabeth Elliot wrote, "If you are single today, the portion assigned to you for today is singleness. It is God’s gift. Singleness ought not to be viewed as a problem, nor marriage as a right. God in his wisdom and love grants either as a gift."

To be a single person who sulks about being alone and is desperate to get married is like being a child desperate to grow up because he wants to stay up as late as he feels like it and be able to buy chocolate milk whenever he wants, having no idea in his smallness just exactly what he's asking for. You'll grow up one day and realize that with all those privileges come an entire world of battle and responsibility you never imagined.

I recently realized the very sweet gift of being single. It is like sipping a cup of hot coffee early in the morning as the sky blinks it's half closed sunshining eye at you from between pink clouds. It is beautiful because it is brief, fleeting, quiet. Just you. Just the Holy Spirit. Stillness.
This is what that single season should be like. If you are constantly caterwauling about being single, or even worse, constantly reassuring everyone around you how VERY content you are (thou doth protest too much, methinks), you have become like the man who rejects the good he is given because it is not the good he had expected. You have misunderstood marriage and you have misplaced Christ as the center.

My life's ambition is to be a mother and wife- it's a beautiful adventure I long for the way some long to travel the world someday. But I am not a mother or a wife, not yet, and it is His bidding that makes it so.

All His biddings are joys.

Dear Single Ladies – From a Newlywed

Dearest Sisters,

I wrote to some of you a little while ago – three and a half weeks after my wedding day! Now, a month and a half into married life, my feelings are the same – or perhaps even more intensified! Yes, I'm very in love! But that's not the big thing I wanted to share with you. I actually wanted to say –

BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME!

I love being married – seriously, don't get me wrong! But just as seriously, my hubby and I keep planning things and then thinking, 'You know what? We need more good Christian singles to help us fulfill this plan!'

We actually really need you. I love being a woman and thinking about homemaking and babies and all that stuff, but honestly, God is still so much more exciting than anything to do with marriage. I wish I had used my single time ever more effectively – and this is me talking – a motivated young woman married to a highly flexible, godly, pull-out-all-stops-to-get-it-done kind of guy. Sure, the world and the church needs married believers. But oh boy, we need you singles too! Please, dear single ladies, don't be distracted from our great calling by the idea of getting married. It's awesome! But bombers weren't the only aircraft to fight a war. We need you free-flying Spitfires as well.

So single ladies – please. Help us. Motivate us. Challenge us. Make sure we don't sink into lovey-dovey hermitage with our beloveds, or get distracted from the Greates Love by the love we have. Ask us questions – there really is a king of mind-gift you received in marriage, and we'd love to share our stories for your benefit! Keep us on our toes. Pray for us. Work with us!

And Christ will return. We will all be together. Matrimony will be but a memory, but love will be real and together we will rejoice in unending bliss, praising our Father in Heaven!

Blessings from your sister,

Georgia 

Resting in His Time

Spiritual Lessons

"Resting in His Time"

I stepped into her new little home. It was small, but cozy. There were old family pictures on the wall and blankets folded up in a chest. She pointed out what once used to be her grandmother's and that was now passed down for her own household. It was sweet. Here she was, newly married, pregnant, and getting ready to set out on an adventure of a lifetime. And in a small way, I envied her. I've always dreamed of doing some of those same things. Getting married, setting up your own little 'home', having babies, and starting off on the adventures of life along side your best friend. It was almost a melancholy feeling, even though I was really happy for my friend.

Timing is something I've been pondering lately. It seems like God rarely ever does things how we expect Him to, if ever. Even things we feel like He's told us about. His timing certainly isn't ours and when the Bible says "His ways are past finding out" (Romans 11), He really meant it. And honestly, that's probably a very good thing. God gives us grace for the 'here and now', and not our tomorrows. If you could peak ahead and glance at what your life would be like in 5 years...would you? I would be tempted to. I'm a naturally curious person. But I know that I'd regret it if I had. Here I would have seen some things, possibly even really hard things, and I would have forfeited my 5 years of His grace in preparing me for that future time. Now that might seem rather silly to some. Obviously, you CAN'T see into your future, whether you would choose to or not. But, I think some girls are in danger of doing this in their hearts and even their imaginations. They 'dream up' what their futures will be. They have expectations. And when these expectations aren't met, they fall into despair. Sometimes we even hold expectations as to timing. I wouldn't have thought I'd be almost 23 and still single. My mom was married rather young and so were some of my sisters. It was just kind of an 'expected'. But, here I am regardless. And I'm thankful. God hasn't failed me, because I'm still unmarried. And God would still not have failed me  even if I NEVER got married. Why? Because my life is to be "hid with Christ in God". I belong to Him. I was created for His purpose above any other. He has a reason for His timing, even though we can't see it for ourselves. And in a way, it really is thrilling. He has a beautiful purpose for my life...even right now at this moment... and it is a purpose for good. For His glory, for our sanctification, and for others' service. He obviously doesn't have a need for me to be married just yet, or else I would be, and that's okay. He knows exactly what He is doing and I can trust Him for it. He cares. I'm not forgotten in the shuffle. 

As a single young woman, sometimes there are the "ups and downs" of being single. At least, there is for me. As much as maybe we'd even like to suppress it, we can't deny that as a woman, we were created to compliment a man. There is no way around it. It is a natural God given desire and calling. We were created to nurture. Whether that be children, our husbands, our families, brothers and sisters, our communities, our pets, a garden, or even plants! It's there. And sometimes, in being single, it can be a frustrating desire to deal with. It would be easier just to "throw in the towel" so to speak and say "who needs men! I'm getting an apartment and a dog!" But true peace and real purpose for my life lies in surrender. Laying down all our desires, natural, God given, or otherwise, and placing ourselves in His will for His divine purpose. Just as I wouldn't seek marriage to complete or fulfill my life, I also wouldn't swing in the other direction and embrace singleness to prove my independence. Embracing or denying a desire doesn't make it go away. It must be given over to God. He can deal with it. He can give us the grace and strength to be content and courageous women for Him right where He's placed us.

If you are still single, you can count on it, there is a divine reason for it. I'd like to encourage you to stay faithful to Him. He's doing something special. He's preparing your heart. He's writing your story. Marriage is only a step in the journey. It isn't the journey itself. So even in the ups and downs of being single, the happy times, the hard times. The times when it feels so easy, when you feel content and ready to serve Him alone. When your heart is soaring. And then the times too, when hope feels lost and desire seems forgotten. When your heart feels the squeeze of a hope deferred. Can we still trust Him? Yes. Can we rest in His timing for us? Yes. Knowing that He works "all things together for good". (Romans 8) Knowing that "all things were created by him, and for him: And he is before all things, and by him all things consist." (Colossians 1)

Fractured People

Spiritual Lessons

Guest writer, Jana-Lee Patton, shares with us some amazing thoughts.  This was a blessing to me, I know it will be for you!

Fractured People

Two fractions do not necessarily make a whole number. In a world full of fractured people it’s no wonder that the divorce rate is so high. You take two fractions and hope that they are the “right” fractions who fit together just so in order to make a perfect whole. From a mathematical perspective the odds are unfavourable at best.

For some reason, which I have yet to discover, there seems to be a preoccupation in our day and age with finding that one partner who will complete one’s seemingly allotted fraction. If you are in the world and playing the dating game, it’s a matter of getting out there and making yourself available to numerous partners of the opposite sex (or not) in hopes that you’ll get lucky and find the one who will fulfill that empty space in your heart and life. If you’re in more fundamentalist circles and have been brought up to believe in the merits of courtship and waiting for God to send the “right one” then you find yourself checking over every eligible male of female who darkens the door of the church or whom you meet at any church gathering and wondering if they’re “the one”.

I have found myself in the latter category most of my youth, beginning at the age when such things become of interest to a teenage girl and lasting into my early twenties. When Mr. Right failed to appear I was forced to examine a few things. I’ve found myself questioning why it is that we human beings play this game of chance with such temerity.

I have noticed that there seems to be an automatic question uppermost in the minds of those whom I meet for the first, or second, or third (or more) time. Casual acquaintances who are themselves either already married or in that state of “looking”. I can almost feel the question simmering. I can usually see it spelled out in their eyes and in the thread of small talk usually engaged in on such meetings before it ever comes out their mouth. They look at me, a twenty-something, attractive young woman, well-spoken and engaging and they just have to ask, “So, are you married?” or “Is there anyone special in your life?” In the past I’ve always shook my head ruefully and made some banal comment about how I’m still waiting on God. Or, they might see me with a young child or baby in my arms and make the, oh so redundant comment, “Looks good on you.” I myself have said it to other singles thinking I was being complimentary when, really, inside a single person’s heart these comments are often depressing because it seems painfully obvious, at least to me, that there does not appear to be enough Godly Christian men to go around. However, that does not negate the fact that God can do anything and He can bring a husband to whomever He chooses, but He may choose not to and it is my job as a single Christian woman to accept His will, whatever that might be.

After several years of this repetitious pattern I found myself getting annoyed by it and wondering why it is that everyone seems to be so preoccupied with the topic of marriage, as though being single was some kind of curse to be endured until the Lord saw fit to reward me with that “perfect someone” who was going to come out of the blue and sweep me off my feet and I’ll be so glad I waited. To paraphrase Jane Austen’s famous first line in “Pride & Prejudice”: “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single girl in possession of attractiveness and domestic talents must be in want of a husband.” I’ve had young married women relate to me how glad they were that they waited for the right one and how happy they are now and how they just know that they were made for each other and it’s because they were willing to wait so long that this happened, thinking they’re being encouraging to me. When I’d ask how old they were when they got married and they say they were 21, or some similarly young age, I’m anything but encouraged! I’m over the quarter century mark and well on my way to my third decade along with many of my peers and the options appear to be just as limited now as they did five years ago – in some ways more limited perhaps because time has cast my once naive and youthful ideals into serious question.

The Bible says in Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give you the desires of thine heart. I recall my Pastor telling me many times that if I am delighting myself in the Lord then I must believe and trust that the desires of my heart are from Him because it says that He’ll “give” me the desires of my heart – in other words, He puts them there. This prompted me to go to the Lord and ask Him to make His will for me clear by changing the desires of my heart from marriage to singlehood if that’s what He wanted for me. “I want to be in thy will, oh Lord,” I’d pray, “So please bring my desires in line with yours.” All the while I prayed this I knew that it would take a miracle for this to actually happen. I’ve wanted to be a wife and mother since I was a little girl. My own mother is, in my eyes, the perfect domestic goddess and I’ve been said to take after her. I couldn’t imagine that even God – powerful as He is – could change my heart regarding this matter. Oh, me of little faith!

A couple of months ago I got around to searching my heart again and found, to my surprise, that where I once yearned for a lifelong companion I now yearned for a solitary life. Where had this new longing come from and where had the old gone? Had God really answered my prayer? I was amazed and chagrined at my own doubting heart. Thus, I began to search for information on the single life. As a librarian I have access to a wide variety of materials, which I quickly availed myself of as I was suddenly overcome by a passionate craving to read about other people who have chosen to remain single and the wisdom and experiences they may have to share. I also began studying I Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19:12 and anywhere else in the Bible where it talks about people choosing not to marry. I felt like I was engaging in some clandestine and forbidden activity because it feels like such an anathema in church circles these days to not desire filial bliss. I was astounded to discover that there is an entire strata of society, both past and present, who have lived their lives uncoupled and made notable achievements in ways they might not have had they been tied down to a home and family.

Just to clarify: some of the greatest women I know are wives and mothers and grandmothers and I would never belittle that calling. However, I have always seemed so well equipped and been intentionally prepared for the married state that I didn’t stop to consider that perhaps God has another plan for me. By placing domestic bliss so high up on my own personal scale of noble achievement I neglected to consider that there are other options in life as well.  

I cannot count how many times in the past decade I’ve heard from well-meaning people, “You’re so sweet and pretty it won’t be long before some nice young man scoops you up.” There was a time when I was flattered and encouraged by these words as my girlish heart soared with the romantic promise of such a statement. And I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing to say so long as there is sensitivity to where the single person is at in their life. Now I find that the Lord has changed my thinking so dramatically that statements such as these cause me to wonder what I would be fit for if I were ugly and had a tart disposition. Would I be passed over as undesirable wife material? I began to realize that my worth involves a whole lot more than just my demeanour and looks. I say this only because I can see, much to my sorrow and dismay, that many a young girl falls into the trap of thinking that she must find a guy (who will preferably marry her) in order to prove her value. I’ve concluded that there is much more involved in any kind of relationship and the evidence is that if the only criteria were looks and disposition then there would be many more of us married, and some who are married, wouldn’t be. I don’t mean to sound vain, I’m merely attempting to point out that true relationship goes so much deeper than mere looks and personality, though these things may provide an initial attraction. However, if it goes no deeper and effort is not made to know and understand the person inside then when beauty fades (and it always does) or personality reveals its many varied facets, the relationship suddenly freezes because there is no depth to it. The depth must begin in the individual and his or her relationship with Christ.

Paul says in I Corinthians 7:34-35 “There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.”

Right in those verses I saw for the first time that singlehood is not a state to be shunned or avoided. Rather, it is a gift bestowed that one may serve the Lord without distraction, and goodness knows there are enough distractions in the world as it is!

Having crossed over that bridge from wanton and fractured singularity to blissfully complete-in-Christ autonomy I now see life in a wonderfully new way. My outlook has changed as have my relationships with people, particularly those of the opposite sex. I no longer feel the pressure of “checking out” every prospective male. It’s as if I’m peacefully asleep to everything relating to that odd dance that occurs between eligible counterparts whereas before I was keenly awake. Such a transformation can only be the Lord because I know without a doubt that I could not achieve such a change on my own.

Returning to the idea of fractions – I’ve come to see that ½ plus ½ (or any fraction) does not make a whole. If one is lucky enough to land on the right combination of fractions they might get really close to a perfect whole. When you add fractions your bottom number always remains the same regardless of how the top number may increase or decrease; essentially, it is still a fraction. Only when you reduce it to its simplest form can you find the whole numbers that may or may not be hiding within the fraction. However, if one takes a complete 1 and another complete 1 you will invariably get a complete 2 because you’re working with whole numbers and not fractions. The Word of God speaks of marriage and says “they two shall be one flesh.” What I’ve realised is that you have to have two whole individuals before you can join them together to become a whole entity. I think many have mistaken this passage to mean that we are all halves or fractions of a whole and in order to become whole we must find our other half or fraction. It becomes a game of chance to see if we can sift through all the pieces and find the one that fits just right. I’ve seen it so many times among young people where it’s as if they are playing a game and who ever is the best and most competitive player wins the jackpot. But, if you happen to be slower than the others or deficient in some way then you’re out of luck and subject to the sympathetic clucking of those who already made it to the next level.

I used to think of singlehood as merely a brief stage between childhood and marriage (and the briefer the better). Now I see it as an honourable state of being in which I can be a whole “one” because of Christ who makes me complete (Colossians 2:9-10a For in him dwelleth all the fullness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him . . .). As a single person I have the freedom to do things and go places that my married counterparts cannot do or go, simply because I am at liberty and do not bear the burden of a home and family. I’m thankful for those who do marry and do their best to raise children for the Lord and I admire their courage greatly. I wouldn’t be here if my parents hadn’t done so. However, for myself, I have come to see that the Lord can use me in ways that are different than if I were married and I’m excited to see what ways those may be. I am no longer afraid to step out and do these things for fear I might miss “Mr. Right” should he come by while I’m out. There is so much more that God has put in my life that it would be a shame not to live it fully; it would be a shame to waste it. The future has opened up for me in a new way and I feel such blissful freedom in being the bride of Christ knowing full well that He is more than enough to fulfill every need and desire that He has placed in me as my divine Creator, For he knoweth [my] frame (Psalm 103:14a).

God doesn’t create fractured people. We became fractured through the fall of man and the nature of sin dwelling in us. There is no other way back to wholeness except through the life, death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ who was broken that we might be made whole. However, one has to choose life by entering into His death and thereby resurrecting in newness of life.

Because of Christ’s life in me I am not merely a fraction of a human being. I am a whole number, a perfect “1”, complete in Him. It is finished and so am I!

The Heart of the Matter (Part Two)

Spiritual Lessons

The Heart of the Matter
Part Two

Please note, this is the continuation of my previous post, "The Heart of the Matter Part One". (Please consider reading part one before reading on further.) Here, I would like to continue to address the struggle most Christian girls experience with their desire for marriage and the discontentment that can arise, when that desire is not met.

Thirdly, our desires and our affections should be set on Christ, not marriage.

Here is a quote by Hannah Whitall Smith that I would like to share with you. It is a little bit lengthy, but it was a help to me and I hope an  encouragement to you too.

“But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world.” (Galatians 6:14) “By being ‘crucified to the world’ Paul meant that he was dead to it. …To be dead to a thing must mean that that thing has no power to attract. And this is what is meant in the Bible by ‘taking up the cross’. It is to become so dead to the world (that is, the lower plane of living) that its power to tempt is gone. It is to have our affections so set on things above, that merely earthly things have lost their charm.”

“If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:1-3)

“To have our ‘affections set’ on anything must mean that we love that thing; and if our affections are set on the will of God, we must love His will. It is impossible that God’s will should seem hard to a man whose affections are set on it. It may be accompanied with hard things, but in itself it must be a delight. Our Lord could say, ‘I delight to do thy will. O my God!’ because He was dead to everything that was contrary to His Father’s will. His affections were set on the will of God; and until our affections are similarly so set on the will of God as to delight in it, we have not ‘taken up the cross’ in the Scripture sense at all.”

(Hannah W. Smith, The Commonsense Teaching of the Bible p.115)

Our affections, our heart desires, our love, should be set on Christ. Does this mean that you never have any other desires? No. Does this mean it is somehow wicked to want to be married? Certainly not. But what we thought was so dear and precious and even important to us before, in the sight of Him, fades completely. He is more precious than that desire ever could be. And He is more lovely than its fulfillment in our lives.

I think many young girls can be in danger of believing that marriage will somehow make them happy and content, when otherwise, they weren't. But this idea is false, not to mention rather covetousness.

What is covetousness? "To desire ardently (especially, something that another person has); crave; long for."

I know many young girls who reek of covetousness, when it comes to this subject of marriage. Girls who literally hate weddings, because they themselves haven't had their own. They are envious of what God has chosen to given someone else, and even bitter. Just because you don't have a statue of Buddha sitting on your desk, doesn't mean you aren't guilty of idolatry. Not according to the Bible. Many girls' innocent desire for marriage has become an idol in their heart. And although they might not even verbally say it, feel like God isn't good unless He gives them their desire for marriage. This is scary. 

Are you covetous? Longing for something that isn't in your possession? Is your heart coveting something that isn't yours? Or maybe even something that the Lord hasn't seen fit to give you yet? (Like marriage.) Are you maybe even coveting someone that doesn't belong to you? (Like a specific person you might admire or maybe just the desire for a husband in general.) 

What do you usually talk about? 
Where does your mind oftentimes wonder? 
What seems to make you more excited than anything else? 
What (or who) are you always excited to talk or think about?

If we answer these questions honestly, I know it would reveal where our hearts truly are.

Hebrews 13:5 says, "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." 

Why are we able to be content with "such things as ye have"? (Such as singleness) Because we have Him. He has promised never to leave us, never to forsake us. He is that life-long companion most young women have both dreamed about and yearned for. He is that friend. He is the one who can hold your hand through the hardships of life. To comfort your pain. Who accepts and loves you just as you are. The one who adores you and seeks to capture your heart. The one who will be faithful to the end. The one who you can trust no matter what. "We can face anything, if we face it together." This is Christ. 

Fourthly, our heart motivation for wanting to get married shouldn't be derived from selfishness, but actually from love.

 And here is what I mean by that. A lot of girls have silly infatuations towards someone they admire and label it as "love". Just because you "like someone" doesn't mean you are "in love" with him. Love is so much deeper than this. 

And in the same sort of way, some girls hold an infatuated idea of what marriage is. And their dreams and hopes and imaginations for what marriage will be for them, are usually, at the core, selfish. 
Feelings like-
 Marriage will make me happier. 
Marriage is my romantic dream come true.
Marriage will make me feel loved, cherished, and accepted.
Marriage will make me feel secure. 
Or marriage will change my current unhappy circumstances.
Marriage will ____(this), or marriage will ____(that) for me.

Is marriage all about you? Are you hoping to get a husband, just for the happiness and fulfillment he may give you? This isn't real love. 

I would like to share another quote with you from Hannah Whitall Smith. This quote is on love. Real love.

"We must remember, however, that a great deal of what is called love ought really to be spelled s-e-l-f-i-s-h-n-e-s-s. [selfishness] People love their own enjoyment of their friends more than they love the friends themselves, and consider their own welfare in their intercourse with those they profess to love, far more than the welfare of the so-called loved ones. It has been said that we never really love anyone until we can do without them for their good; and, measured by this test, how few there are who really love."
 ....
"The law of love can never be a cherishing of self at the expense of the loved one, but must always be the cherishing of the loved one at the expense of self." (The Commonsense Teaching of the Bible p.141)

True love, is Christ's love. A love that doesn't think about self at all. A love that is never motivated by selfish wants or needs. Marriage isn't something to enter into selfishly for your own pleasure, although I think the majority of people do. The first motive for marriage, should be a love for Christ. A love that desires His will over our own. (Whether that will is marriage or not marriage.) Marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride. And when a marriage is derived from knowing His will and in His timing, it can be such a pure and beautiful testimony. The second motive for marriage, should be out of real love for that other person. Not a selfish desire to please your flesh, but from a desire to please that man and fulfill his needs. To be his helpmeet. To love him, to honour him, and to accept him as a gift from the Lord, and also as your "new ministry". 

"Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law." 
(Romans 13:8-10)

Girls can also be in danger of thinking that marriage will somehow magically change them for the better. But this simply isn’t true. Walking down the wedding aisle doesn’t suddenly warp you into Cinderella. Sorry girls! Haha J Marriage changes your circumstances and your position maybe, but it doesn’t necessarily change you. If you are discontent before you are married, you will be discontent after you are married. If you are selfish before you get married, you will still be selfish after you get married. Marriage is joining yourself to another fleshly human being. And through Christ, it can be wonderful. But, everyday life goes on after the honeymoon. And you are still you. The girls I have known that were discontent and unhappy in Christ while they were single have still been just as discontent and unhappy married. It is sad. Marriage doesn’t change the state of your heart. And instead, now I see a marriage that is struggling, and a husband that feels frustrated, because she is trying to take something from him, that he simply cannot give.

Only Christ meets the deepest needs of our hearts. That is a place reserved only for Him. Girls have a strong need for love. This is how God made us. We naturally need and yearn for affection. But human love can only take you so far. And while human love is imperfect and selfish at best, Christ’s love is perfect and unselfish. He satisfies like no other, every time. He desires us. He draws us to Himself. He seeks our hearts. He is a friend that is closer than no other. And His love is forever. 

  "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him." (Psalms 62:5)

And fifthly, the Lord knows what is best for each of us individually, what brings Him the most glory, and is the greatest furtherance to the gospel.  

“I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.” (Psalms 40:8)

If we can honestly say that our whole desire is Christ and that His will is our delight, as David did, then surely we would be accepting of that will, whatever it might be. Even when that will crosses ours. What if marriage wasn’t His perfect will for you? What if He needed you single? Not many are even willing to consider that an option. I don’t think anyone believes I Corinthians 7, where Paul says it is better to be unmarried, in serving the Lord, than married.

“But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” (I Corinthians 7:32-34)

This isn’t to say that marriage isn’t a godly calling, or that you cannot serve the Lord married, but we should be willing, if He asked.

Letting Jesus direct our lives, from the biggest decisions to the smallest details, is peace. It is sweet to trust Jesus, because He is trustworthy and because His love is towards us. His plans are good, not evil. If He chooses to withhold a desire from your heart, it is withheld in love.

Psalms 84:11 says-“For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.”

Are we able to say, as Paul did, “But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God.” (Acts 20: 24)

Shouldn't this be, without question, the purpose and heart cry of every Christian? There shouldn't even be anything to weigh that desire with. He is both worthy of our best and worth seeking after with all our hearts. He should be our goal. Our whole desire. To the point that we count nothing dear unto ourselves, but that we may win Him. 

The Heart of the Matter (Part One)

Spiritual Lessons

The Heart of the Matter
Part One

“But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God.” (Acts 20: 24)

“The heart of the matter”- basically, the root issue or core problem. I would like to try and express to you, reader, something that the Lord once dealt with me before in my life. Something which burdened my own soul, and which I believe still holds its grasp around most single Christian young girls today- the desire for marriage. 

Marriage is a beautiful thing. It is something I think any girl would naturally desire. It is perfectly normal and even good. To be a wife and a mother is a high and godly calling and one we should actually be preparing ourselves for. To want marriage, to anticipate and hope for it, to prepare yourself for it, is both a righteous and pure thing. God made marriage. He designed it. In fact, He created us for it. He made Eve for Adam. She was to be his “helpmeet”. That was her calling. So, before I give the wrong impression, I’d like to say that I am not in any way against marriage. I desire to be married someday just like the next girl. I have little hopes and dreams of my wedding day too. But, I would like to address the slump most Christian girls find themselves in when their hopes for getting married are not met.

I’m always hearing young women talk about their struggle with being single, as if it were the greatest possible trial in life. Or girls who complain about the strange in between of girlhood and marriage as a frustrating time to just “bear through”. They seem to view this “stage” of life as a great sorrow to patiently endure until hopefully “Prince Charming” arrives on the scene. Such girls seem to be discontent, impatient, idle, and frivolous or even desperate. They then view marriage as their rescue from a boring, miserable existence and marriage becomes the answer to their current problems and their entire focus and purpose for living altogether. This shouldn’t be.

First off, Marriage should be considered a gift, not a goal.

Each season of life is precious and has something very special to offer. The past can be remembered and the future can be hoped for, but it is the present that we live now. You cannot go back in time and open the birthday presents you once received on your 4th birthday. And you might say, well, obviously. That is silly. But in the exact same way, you cannot go forward in time and open the presents you might receive (by the grace of God!) on your 80th birthday! And again, you might be thinking, how silly. But isn't this honestly what girls do? They jump ahead in the years of their life, maybe not to their 80th birthday, but instead to the day that they might open their wedding presents. Living in the "imagination of tomorrow", is the same thing. You are throwing away the present in exchange for something that isn't even real. That's scary. We cannot wait to do the things that take up our  life on a daily basis. For example, we can't wake up one morning and say, "Oh, I'll just live Tuesday tomorrow, instead of today". It doesn't work, for obvious reasons. We aren’t holding our breath. But then why do girls do this when it comes to waiting for marriage? We do not wait for a time, which we are never actually guaranteed, in order to live for the Lord. At least, I hope you wouldn’t! You give Him your present, because that is all you have. Jesus talks about how no man knows what the future holds. We are only given today. He says to “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” (Matthew 6:34)

Proverbs 27:1 says- “Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.”

And in James 4:14-15 it says- “Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.”

“For what is your life?” Good question. And He gives a very sobering answer. “A vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.” When we choose to wait in order to live our life to the fullest that God intended it to be lived, whether that is for some reason, something, or more specifically, someone, we are choosing not to live our life altogether. We are only given today, to live unto the Lord. Why waste it dreaming of what you intend to do tomorrow? That is foolishness. Marriage isn’t our goal. Christ should be our goal. He is our reason for living. He should be the reason and driving force behind all that we do. Each season of life is a gift from God. Whether that is your childhood, your single years, or your married years. It is a special time that He not only knows about, but actually planned for, and that He wants to use in some special way. To waste that time, because it isn't what you would have necessarily chosen for yourself, is actually being a bad steward of what the Master has given us. 

In Matthew 25, we are given the parable of a lord testing his servants. He travelled to a far country and left his three servants delivered with his goods.

 “And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord's money.”

Here we see how this lord was certainly fair. He didn’t give to any of these three servants what they weren’t able to do, but according to their ability. He didn’t expect the servant which only had 2 talents, to do exactly what the servant with 5 talents was able to do. But he did expect them to utilize what they were each given.

“After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents.” (Matthew 25:15-28)

This servant was rebuked for being slothful and hiding away what he was entrusted with to utilize and gain from. And while this parable is speaking of talents, I believe it can also apply to our time. Our single years could be compared in the same sort of way. God knows what we are each able to handle. Some young women are entrusted with more years in their singlehood than others. Like the servant who was given 5 talents as opposed to the servant who was only given 1. He is a fair and faithful Master, and doesn’t expect something that He doesn’t also give us the ability to do. But, I think many Christian young girls are guilty of the same fault that this lord found in his servant. Maybe not so much out of fear, but certainly from neglect, we waste our talent (time) that we have been entrusted with, that our Master seeks to use. Maybe that problem for some is that they are comparing themselves to another one of our Lord’s servants? If I was only like “so and so” or was able to do “such and such”, I would be more content and joyful or useful with my time as a single person. This is a dangerous attitude to have. Where is our trust in what the Master has specifically chosen for you to do?

Our single years can be years filled with amazing opportunities that may never come again, if we would only accept them as such and be good stewards with what our Lord has entrusted us with. 

Secondly, it is not our right to demand anything of the Lord. 

I Corinthians 6:19-20 says- “What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.”

Who do we really belong to? “Ye are not your own”. We have been bought with a price. We belong to Christ. And while we are called God’s sons, we are also called His servants. In I Corinthians 7:22-23 it says, “For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord’s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ’s servant. Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men.”

He is LORD. He is our Master. He is the one who made you. And He has the right to demand whatsoever He will. Matthew 10:24 says how “The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord.”

If Christians would not only understand this truth, but actually apply it to their daily lives, how different their testimony would be! I think we have fallen short, way short, of what Christians are really called to. Romans 12 says how it is only our “reasonable service” to present our bodies as a living sacrifice to Him.

Marriage is something that Jesus may, or may not, choose to give us. It is a gift and gifts have to be given. Otherwise, it is then no longer a real gift. Marriage isn’t something we have a right to demand for ourselves or to take for ourselves. Jesus has the right to say no and we must accept that.

I heard it said recently, that you are either devising your own way or God is ordering your steps. This is very true. There is no middle road. We are either living for Christ or we are living for ourselves. We either desire to please Him with all that we do, or we are seeking our own selfish pleasure. He is leading the way, or I am running off on my own fancy. Do we care to see His desires fulfilled in us? Or just ours? What is His will for me? What are His thoughts on a given subject? Are you willing to let Him keep your heart completely for Him? Or is that same heart given out in several different directions? And we all know this to be true. This isn’t something we haven’t heard before. But which one are you?

 “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” (Matthew 6:24)

Just as we have no right to demand for ourselves, marriage, we also have no right to demand our own forms of happiness and pleasure in this life altogether. Not if our lives are truly God’s.

“For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.” (Colossians 3:3-4)

Romans 15:3 says, “For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me.”

If the Son of God came not to please Himself, who do we think we are to demand our own pleasures and happiness? To think that we are here to fulfill our own little dreams is almost absurd. Christ submitted Himself to the Father. His words were the Father’s words. And His works were the Father’s works. He came to do the Father’s will. How much more should we?

“He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked.” (I John 2:6)

To be continued...