A Letter from a Daughter's Heart

A Letter from a Daughter's Heart

This is a letter that was written from our previous posts, Garden Principles. I found it very encouraging and just honest. I hope it is a blessing to you all.

Garden Principles Part 1

Garden Principles Part 2

Garden Principles Part 3

Dear Parent,

We have just learned about submission to authority this ‘tea time talk’. My heart is to share with you the difficulties that can arise in submitting to an authority that feels like they are just that…. only an authority. Our lives are very busy and it can often feel hard to get time for our relationships. I wanted to attempt to share with you how YOU have the power to help your daughter/s gladly submit to you. I want to define TRUST for you as from a daughter’s eyes.. Daughters are all alike in some ways and have very similar struggles. It is very, very hard to OBEY (especially happily) an authority that has not earned our trust.  Trust is spelled this way to your daughter….

T-ime

R-espect

U-nderstanding

S-ensitivity

T-ransparency

Time

As women we are commanded to be in subjection and to obey those that have the rule over us, father and mother as well as ultimately the Lord. Women are commanded to obey their own husbands. We HAVE to… but wouldn’t you rather that we WANTED to? The difference can lie in this one word… time. How much harder is it for you, Mom, to obey your husband and show your daughters a right and godly example of submission, whenever you are lacking in having quality-time with you spouse? Adults seem to assume that children do not need as much time as their spouse. Your daughter/s knows your spousal relationship is paramount and if you both aren’t happy together our homes fall apart…. But, we also crave and need time with our parents. I am 26 years old and have not ‘out-grown’ the need of a relationship with my parents. Daughter’s spell this relationship TIME.

 I want to encourage you (fathers especially!) to take your daughter out on a “date” with you. It doesn’t have to be expensive or even extremely lengthy. The fact that you would take time for her will mean more than WHAT you do. Ice cream isn’t that expensive. A walk together is free. Time is free and it’s the most valuable thing you could give her.

     It is hard to obey someone you don’t trust. When you ask them to submit to something you know is right for them, but is hard to accept, please ask yourself: “How much reason have I given her to trust me? Have I ‘invested’ into her life enough to prove that I can be trusted with these hard decisions? When was the last time I showed my daughter that she is important to me?”

Respect

Men naturally understand this word so much more than women do. They rule their home and work relationships with it and manage this commodity remarkably well. Women struggle to understand what this is. We aren’t naturally respectful, we often do things, or say things to our father that are ‘obviously disrespectful’ in his eyes and we don’t have a clue that we have come across this way.      But, also there is the reverse. I know we’ve all seen adults completely humiliate their child -- like correcting them before an audience of visitors, (or even other siblings), or by talking down to them, forgetting them, not treating them with the same respect they’d give a stranger on the street. Please remember that your daughters are wonderfully made people. (Even at 6 our personality and personhood is very evident.) The next time you just expect your daughter to gladly obey you, please ask yourself, “Do I respect her as a person? Am I threatened by her having a different opinion from mine? Do I often assume she’s being disrespectful on purpose forgetting she may not truly understand this principle?”

Understanding

A little bit of understanding goes a long way. Webster defines this word as:“a mental grasp, the power of comprehending, friendly harmonious relationship, an agreement of opinion or feeling, sympathy.” 

Usually when your daughter shares something with you she has put herself out to be ‘critiqued, judged, reprimanded, or understood.’ She is truly hoping for the latter result. If she constantly meets with rebuke and reprimand when sharing something she is struggling with, eventually, she’ll become discouraged, believe you’ll never understand and STOP trying to communicate with you. You don’t have to agree to understand. Most of the time your daughter is actually (even unknowingly) looking for the last part of this definition: sympathy. She wants you to just say, “Oh, I’m sorry you had such a bad day at work.” without attempting to fix either HER or the issue or struggle being discussed. We love it when we feel heard.

Sensitivity

Most fathers aren’t naturally sensitive. It has not been designed into you as it has in a mother. However, if you will try to use even a little bit of it, you will quickly find that it is a powerful ingredient in helping produce or restore trust. It is difficult to obey someone you don’t respect, trust or you feel cares nothing about your feelings. We females are rather ‘fragile’ creatures. Those of us who seem like we can ‘take it’ on the outside normally can’t. We tend to try and HIDE how much that particular thing you did, or said, truly hurt us. We attempt to seem stronger than we are. Please remember to be kind. When we feel secure in our parental relationship and have enough attention we aren’t as likely to desire (as strongly) outside attention. (Or male attention.) In this area of crushes (at a younger age) and actually interests (at an older age) remember how vulnerable your daughters are to admiration. If any guy even seems interested in you, you may consider this ‘undesirable’ option just because you are getting attention. I truly believe that when a daughter has a solid relationship with her father and trusts him in smaller areas of life; it can carry them safely through these possible ship-wreck moments later on in the area of who she chooses to marry. If she feels she can’t trust you with small things, it will make this trust harder in such a large decision as who she will marry. You are responsible for her protection, but her decision is ultimately up to her. She NEEDS you desperately at this time in her life.

Transparency

This can be a difficult one. My father has often told me that he struggles admitting when he doesn’t have something figured out, or when he doesn’t truly know what to do, etc. It can be very hard for you, as her authority, to show this form of perceived ‘weakness’ and not truly have it all figured out. Let me encourage you….. she already knows! It meant the world to me when my dad would admit, “Honey, I don’t know.” Because I already knew that he didn’t. It meant so much that he’d be honest enough with me to just not have everything figured out. We’re actually, surprisingly, okay with that. What is hard is when you authority won’t tell you the real reason he is saying no. The simple answer of ‘no’ can become clouded by ‘good excuses’ or ‘reasons’ why it isn’t a good idea, and then when she works hard to remove these ‘obstacles’ (and she will) and you then say ‘no.’ it can feel frustrating. Trust her desire to obey you enough to just tell her the ‘No’ to begin with. I have often heard girl’s remark, “I wish he would just tell me no, instead of giving me all these other reasons that aren’t truly why.” I truly believe that honesty and transparency are very important in building trust.

  We are commanded to obey, but it is never EASY to deny yourself for someone else. It becomes easier when you truly love, admire, respect and TRUST that person. To give your life over to someone else takes a lot of trust. You have the power to help her out a bit. We are to obey regardless… but it can be a lot easier at times of ‘closeness’ in the relationship than when you feel distant. I pray that this can somehow encourage you to invest in your daughters. Your daughter truly desires to spend time with you, have you interested in HER as a person and be able to trust you with her most valued of treasures… her heart. 

Sincerely with respect,

 A Daughter 

A Virtuous Young Woman

Spiritual Lesson

A Virtuous Young Woman

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price if far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10)

I just recently read Proverbs 31. We are all familiar with this chapter as being the chapter of what a virtuous woman must look like. I’ve heard it typically used in reference to married women. It will most likely be mentioned on “Mother’s Day”, as in, this is what a godly wife or mother should be. Which is true, especially since there are several references to this Proverbs 31 woman being both a wife and a mother; but, this chapter isn’t just for married women. This was also King Lemuel’s counsel to his son, in choosing a bride. These were character traits he admonished his son to look for in a young lady. The principles of Proverbs 31 apply to all women. Whether single, engaged, married, or even widowed. In this post, I would like to apply them to single young woman. Girls who, while desiring to someday apply them practically towards both their future husbands and children, can also apply them in their daily lives right now.

We do not have to wait until we are married to be virtuous women for the Lord.

There is a lot to be learned from Proverbs 31, and many things, which the Lord will most likely be teaching me for the rest of my life. But it begins now. And while I may not be able to comment on everything addressed in this chapter, I would like to share just a few thoughts with some of the things I recently observed. 

 “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:11-12)

Firstly, I see trust. She is a trustworthy person. “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her”. She is someone he can trust. She is faithful to him, not only as a wife, but also as a friend. She isn’t running off to tell her girlfriends (or her mother) everything about their relationship. She is committed to him. He is able to trust her with his heart. It can be very hard sometimes to allow yourself to be vulnerable and to trust your heart with someone; let alone if that person has or is continually betraying that trust. She is accepting of him. I think this is important, because it is nearly impossible to “safely trust” someone who doesn’t really love and accept you for who you are. And I don’t necessarily mean a tolerance for sin, but grace towards a sinner. (We are all sinners saved by God’s grace.) 

Question: Are you trustworthy?

The habits we form, the faults which we do not change, will follow us for the rest of our lives. Walking down the aisle on your wedding day doesn’t magically warp you into the “perfect helpmeet” you’ve always desired to be.

Can the people in your life right now trust you? Are you always eager to share the latest about “so and so”? Do you gossip? Is there wisdom in your words? There is nothing quite so blessed and liberating as a trusty friend. Someone you can be yourself with, because no matter what, they’re going to love you. Someone you can bear your soul to, because they care. Someone who you can confidently give all of your heart to, because you know you are able to trust them fully. Such a friend is priceless. And maybe you can think of just such a person. But are you that kind of person? Are you that kind of friend? Are you that daughter? Or maybe that sister?

“She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.” (Proverbs 31:13)

“She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” (Proverbs 31:27)

Then I see that she is industrious. She isn’t lazy or idle, but is seeking opportunities to bless her house. Sometimes as young girls, the idea of building up a “future house” sounds much more appealing than building up the one you are currently in. We might think that we'll definitely put effort into our "future house" once we are married; but my question is, do you do that now, with your father's house? Proverbs 14:1 says- “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” And while this does apply to your “future house”(marriage) too, it also applies to your current house. If you are a wise woman, you will be building up, not tarring down, not idling away your time.

The Bible says that we are to do "all things as unto the Lord". If this were truly our hearts intent, it simply would not matter where you were doing this. Whether that is at home, on the job, at church, or maybe in some other form of ministry. We do not have to wait, and we should not wait, until we are married with our own house and husband to be building up the people around us.

As a single daughter at home, the Lord has given me many opportunities to “build up my home” where I am. Whether that is cleaning the house, doing dishes, making dinner, encouraging my dad, helping my mom, tackling the laundry pile, or even simply having a thankful, joyful spirit; we do not have to wait until we are “running our own house” to be a blessing. No, actually, it is when you are helping at home right now that you learn how to be a helpmeet for the future. And truly, learning to joyfully accept the mundane tasks and duties of everyday life is a very important, challenging lesson of itself.

Learning to walk in the spirit among our daily responsibilities is where the rubber meets the road. Life isn’t always exciting. And marriage won’t automatically make the drudgery of work glamorous.

“She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household….” (Proverbs 31:15)

Before my mom left recently to visit my sister for two weeks, she asked me to make sure my dad had lunch every day for work. My dad normally leaves around 6:30 or so in the morning. And even though I am a morning person, this isn't always exactly enjoyable. This virtuous woman rose "also while it is yet night". Let me just say, this verse is not advocating that women don’t ever sleep. That would be stupid. But, it does say something about where this woman’s heart was. She was more than willing to do whatever it took to take care of her household, including rising up while it was still dark; another words, really early. And there’s nothing wrong with sleep. J (Thank the Lord!) But, as virtuous young women, we need to be willing to forgo, if need be. This is certainly the case when it comes to motherhood. You can’t just let your baby cry all night from want of milk. You have to sacrifice. And it would be the same being a wife. Granted, your husband won’t be crying all night because he’s hungryJ, but still, there are sacrifices that will need to be made. The odds are, if you aren’t willing to get up early and make a quick lunch for your dad right now, you probably won’t be willing to for your husband either, if necessary. 

“She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple….She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.” (Proverbs 31:21-22,24-25)

What you prepare, God is able to use. (Please consider reading this post.) It is the same with marriage. The more you prepare, the better equipped you will be. Cooking, baking, everyday household chores, canning, gardening, and even health are all good things to know before you get married. Not to mention that they are also all practical ways to help as a daughter at home.

Proverbs 31:29 says, “Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.” And while this woman was greatly praised for her virtuous qualities, I also have to mention, she also had handmaids. J Now a days, to be a stay-at-home, homeschooling mommy, you are not just “mother”, but “teacher” and sometimes “doctor” too. It would be wise to prepare to the best of our ability. Although, it is also a comfort to know that no matter how unprepared, or even how prepared, we may feel, truly, the Lord is our helper.

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” (Proverbs 31:26)

She has wisdom. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

The virtuous young woman is kind. “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

I Corinthians 13:4 says, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind;”

Kindness is rooted in love. When we really love someone, kindness will naturally follow. I Corinthians 13 goes on to say… “charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

Having charity and kindness towards others starts long before marriage does. This is something we should have towards all men. Something we should practice towards our siblings. Something we should have towards our family. Towards our friends. Towards our neighbor. Towards the lost.

Lately, the Lord has been very faithful to show me that I have a “love problem”. It is very humbling to realize that your love is, at its best, selfish and utterly failing. We want to be loved more than we care to give love. Our natural human love is rooted only in completely selfishness. It is when we acknowledge our lack of love and our desperate need for it, that Christ is then able to fill us with His love, which is perfect, unselfish, and never once failing. He will give us His love towards others.

 It is convicting to see that the things about someone else that continually annoy and maybe even frustrate me, don’t actually annoy and frustrate Him. Why? Because, He loves that person.  He is love. And I, most certainly, am not. But again, He is able to enable us with that love. Charity, “Beareth all things … Endureth all things.” When the faults and failures of someone else continually affect, annoy, and hurt you, Charity still, "Beareth all things...Endureth all things." Charity, “Hopeth all things…Believeth all things.” Jesus is the One who is able to change hearts. But even when we feel like someone is completely unworthy of our love, we still love because He first loved us, not because that person deserves it. We have never once deserved His love- and yet, He still loves us.

“She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.” (Proverbs 31:20)

In verses 8 and 9 it says, “Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction. Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.”

Who are the poor? Who are the needy? Who are those appointed to destruction?

The lost souls of men(To Be His Witness)

Babies being murdered by abortion(Who Will Speak Out For the Voiceless)

The homeless and the hungry
Others you may know with needs

Are we willing to “stretch out our hand” to the poor and to the needy? To make a difference in someone else’s life? To stand up against the evils of our day? To open our mouths with truth and kindness? To love someone more than you love yourself? We need to be available vessels for His glory.

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.” (Proverbs 31:30-31)

When He Says No

When He Says No

Our Father's role.

Our fathers are our head. (1 Corinthians 11:3). He is our earthly leader. He is our provider. (1 Timothy 5:8). He is our protector, (Eph. 5:25-29).

Our role as Daughter.

We are to submit to our head. (1 Timothy 2:12-13). We are fashioned to be led. (helpmeet verse) It is an honor to be provided for. (Eph 6:1) And it is proof of worth to be protected. (Eph. 5:29).

When he asks us to stop doing something innocent.

There have been multiple times in my life where I went to my father for counsel, or my dad came to me, and he advised me to quit something I deemed innocent. How easy it is to stop a habit or hobby if proved destructive, but what about those harmless ones? What if we don't agree with his reasons?

I have found comfort in this – God works through my authorities. It wasn't an accident that I am my father's daughter. He purposefully gave me my father as my authority. If my dad is seeking God's will, and he is striving to be the head, provider and protector God desires him to be, I can be confident that Jesus supplies him with the wisdom to know how to lead, provide and protect me.

But what if Dad is not seeking His will? What if his decision to take away something from me is based on a mere whim? I can then know that every trial that comes my way must first be approved by God. I know this because He says that He will only allow things into our life that we can bear or escape. Jesus didn't “protect” me from my dad's decision and so it was allowed by God and as long as I am walking in His way I can not go wrong by obeying. In fact I believe that God will work out something beautiful. Just as Joseph was not protected by his brothers wrath, and God allowed those evil circumstances and worked out miracles and help for Joseph, his family, and a nation. God trusted Joseph with that trial. He knew that Joseph would remain faithful and loving and a willing channel.

Can He trust us? We are unaware of the miracles God wants to work in us, for us, and for others. We might be amazed at what He desires to do through us for our family, our church, our friends, even maybe our nation. Will we be a willing channel, or will we have a temper tantrum?

When he asks us to stop a good thing.

“Daddy asked me not to. At all. Oh the little sword in my heart. He was hesitant to say anything, knowing that he is continually asking things away from me. But he doesn't seem to know half the hurt. He doesn't realize he is taking away one of the dearest things my soul craves. He doesn't realize the hurt of separation. How it's like being set in a corner and told to “stay”. Like being punished though innocent. How hurtful when others can go but I must stay behind. It's become a major thread in my life, a main color in the theme and snip! It's cut away, just like that.

But Jesus allowed him to. But I feel like sometimes my heart soars and I'm then knocked right out of the sky with a 2x4. It seems unfair. Why does God constantly rip away at me in this? No ties, must be different, separate, apart, No you can't, can't, can't. And yet, would I dare to ask Him to keep His hands off? To stop limiting me? To stop controlling my life? Never! And why? Because He always knows best. I only bleed for my own good and usually for someone elses good. Every bleeding was necessary for me to grow. They often save me from some folly. I'm always thankful afterward. It always reveals something.

How I would have hated if I had gotten my own way. I had no idea at the time how my decision to obey my dad would impact multiple people. How it would change my life. How it would encourage, convict and inspire friend's lives. How it would teach me invaluable lessons. Never for a moment would I choose for these times to be taken away or changed. If I had to live them over I would make the same choice to obey again. And in a way, I am living it over. Same decision, different circumstance.

I will obey my father. Because this is His will. I will choose Jesus. No matter how much it hurts. I will obey, even in humble obedience and with a sweet and quiet spirit. I'll wait for the joy. He knows what He is doing. He has trusted me with this. I'll gladly bear anything for Him. Maybe this is preparation for something else in my future. I'll obey.”

God is not limited or hindered by our authorities. He can move them as rivers of water.  The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it withersoever he will.   Proverbs 21:1 .
He works all things together for good to those that love Him. (Romans 8).

What if our father asks us to stop a good ministry? Won't others suffer for it? Certainly not. God doesn't need you to minister. He chooses human vessels to do His work, but He doesn't need you personally in that area to minister to those souls. That specific work is not reliant on you. Even when He does use you in that work it is not reliant on you. It's His power and His timing and you're His channel. If your God-given authority has taken you out of that ministry, God will raise up another channel in which to achieve His purpose. When a door is closed Jesus always opens up another one. He will show you which good works He wants to work through you. And that may include shutting some doors in order to open others.

What if our father tells us we cannot pursue a good relationship? God is bigger than your authority's no. If it is in Jesus' will for you to someday enter into a relationship with someone, He will make a way and will mold your authorities hearts towards His will in His perfect timing.

If you are under an authority you are morally obligated to obey him. We are to obey them that have rule over us and submit ourselves for they watch over our souls and will give account. (Hebrews 13:17). Jesus will reward your obedience. I believe, that as a good heavenly Father, He would even reward you for your unnecessary obedience. He loves a humble heart.

When is it okay to disobey?

God is our final authority. Not man. If an authority commands us to directly disobey God, or commands us not to do something that God specifically commanded us to do, we have the moral obligation to obey God over man. (Acts 5:9).

But we must be careful! God has given us the authorities we have in our life and it is no small offense to disobey them. Rebellion in the Bible is compared to witchcraft. (1 Samuel). We must know what God has specifically called us to do, (and what we are not to do). That way when man challenges it, we can know the difference between God's commandments and our own desires or imagined duties.

Jesus tells us to go out into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. A command. But what if our father asked that we not pass out tracts? Could we disobey? Surely not, because there are many ways to witness and give the gospel. If our father told us we may never tell any soul of Jesus or share the gospel, then proper disobedience would most likely be in order.

Many times in scripture we see God's children under authorities who had no relationship with God. What we see every time is these men or woman being faithful to their earthly authorities, serving them with respect. Think of Daniel, Joseph, and David. It wasn't until their authorities asked them to disobey God that they humbly refused obedience.

In godly humility and respect and in much prayer and carefulness should we ever disobey. I have seen it done the right way – it can be done. And God is in it and rewards them. And I've seen it done incorrectly, and there was only sorrow and pain and evilness as a result.

Conclusion

Our father is our God given authority.  God works through our authorities.  We don't have to fear because God is in control, and we can know for certain when we are to obey and when God expects otherwise.  When our fathers tell us "no" we can be certain that Jesus is working in our life and that our shut door only means He plans to open another one.  

God Ordained Authority (Part II)

I would like to continue just a few thoughts on the subject of God ordained authority. If you have not already, please read my previous post on this subject as well, God Ordained Authority Part I.

God Ordained Authority

Part II

Last post, I stopped with the fact that, in trusting our authorities, we ultimately are trusting in the Lord.  God almost always chooses to use men, in one way or another, to perform His will for His people.

 In Ezekiel 22:30 the Bible says- “And I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none.”

The Lord chose to use Joseph to provide through Egypt’s famine; Moses was called by God to lead the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt; Caleb stood against the multitude; Joshua fought the battle of Jericho; Gideon smote the Midianites; Asa cried before the Lord and the Ethiopians fell; even rebellious Jonah eventually went and spared Nineveh their destruction. In Romans 10:14, we see where the Lord proclaims that He needs men to reach the lost. “How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?” God chooses to use ordinary men. The men of the Bible did not possess any “special power” because they were from that time period. The only difference was their faith.

“Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months. And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit.” (James 5:17-18)

God chooses to use our authorities in the same way. To say that my authority isn’t an “Elijah”, doesn’t hold water my friend. Just as He chose to use Jeremiah to prophesy to the people, He chooses to use our authorities to direct His will for our lives; whether that is through our fathers, a father-figure, our pastors, or maybe our husbands. It can honestly be a hard concept to swallow. But it’s Biblical. I’ve seen where too, the Lord has used my authority, even when he was wrong. Seriously wrong. I’ve learned that the Lord sees beyond this. In spite of my hopeless dread of a situation, His ways are still above it all. The Lord is still greater than any wrong authority. He can still turn a king’s heart. He turns the worst situations into blessings. I have no idea how He does it; but He does.

Prayer is such an importance here too. There have been many times I’ve honestly been tempted to just “tell my dad how it is”, but instead, chose to pray. And you know, the Lord heard. In giving it all to Him in prayer, it helped me to keep a right attitude and a submissive heart, while allowing the Lord to deal with my authority. I don’t have to say something, or let him know he’s wrong, or even tell him how I feel about it. I have a mediator. And I can trust the Lord with my authorities’ decisions.

I remember once, when my sister and I were helping someone in town for an extended period of time. This person seriously needed and appreciated our help, while she was still recovering from having had a new baby. We were happy to help. However, we received a call a few days earlier than expected. It was from my dad, saying how he wanted us to come home tomorrow. We both knew that we weren’t needed at home, nearly as much as we were needed in town. It was hard to submit to my dad in this, when I knew that another person was actually counting on us for help. How could we just “drop everything” and go? My authorities’ decision seemed wrong. And even worse, it felt selfish. So we just prayed. God knew. The next day, we went home as we were asked. And to the credit of an almighty, all knowing, and all sufficient Saviour, this person actually was ready for us to leave when we did. This was an answer to prayer. God provided a way, even when my authority was wrong.

Proverbs 4:1 says- “Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding.”

“Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: keep her; for she is thy life.” (Proverbs 4:13)

“Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not.” (Proverbs 8:33)

I would like to use the example of David for just a moment. David was a shepherd boy who became a mighty man of valor. God eventually made him king. Although he was strong, he also had a soft heart towards the Lord. He was an example of a godly man. Did he do everything right? No. Certainly not; but God did say that he was a man after His own heart. One thing that is admirable about David’s character is that he submitted himself to authority. And this wasn’t just to any authority; but to a selfish, violent, wicked, and ungodly ruler. To an authority that actually tried to kill him, more than once. When Saul disobeyed the Lord in sparing the best of the sheep and the oxen, God then rejected Saul as king. Incomplete obedience amounts to complete disobedience and the Lord sought to make David king in his stead. However, Saul wasn’t just willing to hand over the kingdom. (You can read more about this in I Samuel) David fled for his life, even down to hiding in caves, because Saul wanted to kill him. David was a threat to a kingdom Saul could not hold onto. Not only did David not retaliate towards Saul, but he still upheld him as his authority. When Saul eventually was killed in battle, David wept. David loved Saul and still upheld him as his king. In all rights, Saul wasn’t supposed to be in a place of authority over David. God had chosen David to be king, not Saul. What an example though. He submitted to someone who was not only selfishly hoarding what was rightfully his, but also to someone who tried to kill him over it. If this isn’t an example of a bad authority, I’m not sure what is. And God blessed David for it.

Hebrews 5:7-9 says- “Who in the days of his flesh, when he had offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death, and was heard in that he feared; Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him;”

I am amazed by this verse. “Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;” If Jesus had to learn obedience, how much more do we? No one is exempt from authority. And even Jesus Christ the Lord submitted Himself to the Father.

“For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me.” (John 6:38)

Jesus submitted His will to the Father, and He was GOD. Before Jesus went to the cross, in the garden of Gethsemane, we see Christ’s submission to the Father’s will. “And when he was at the place, he said unto them, Pray that ye enter not into temptation. And he was withdrawn from them about a stone’s cast, and kneeled down, and prayed. Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” (Luke 22:40-42)

“…the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?” (John 18:11)

Christ is our example. We are told to walk even as He walked. (I John 2:6) He is also our Lord, our Master. Matthew 10:24 says- “The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord.”

 Submission can be very humbling. It is letting go of our will and accepting the will of someone else. It requires death to self. This isn’t joyous; this isn’t fun. It also requires trust. And if you cannot trust your authority figure per se, you can still trust the LORD to work through that authority. His hand is not shortened that it cannot save. His ear is not heavy that it cannot hear. Jesus knows. And He makes a way. He gives the grace to bear. He gives the power and the ability to overcome. We can submit, even to an ungodly authority, because it is right; because He has supplied all we could ever need for victory!

God Ordained Authority (Part I)

Spiritual Lessons

God Ordained Authority

Part I

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of God to thee for good.” (Romans 13:1-4)

Authority is ordained of God. As natural flesh controlled humans, we rebel against it. We would rather not answer to anyone for what we choose to do or not do. We want our own way and we resist the idea that we must be under a higher powder or authority. We are rebellious by nature. However, these “natural tendencies” aren’t exactly practical and most certainly not Biblical. As a citizen, we answer to the law. As an employee, you answer to an employer. As Christians, we answer to God. And as in churches, we answer to pastoral authority. A wife submits herself to her own husband. Children are commanded to obey their parents in the Lord, for this is right. And maybe reading that seems completely obvious to some, but I believe that it is actually very important to understand. Without God-given authority, chaos reigns. There would be confusion on every side. Like in the time of the Judges. Every man did what was right in his own eyes. But it was evil in the Lord's sight. The Lord has built up certain chains of authority for good reason.

And while not all authority is practiced Biblically, authority is still a principle of God’s Word and is a righteous command. 

All of the examples I just gave you, are good examples of authority and while I’m sure we might all benefit from discussing them, the chain of authority I would more specifically like to address is to daughters. Being her father’s child, a daughter is subject to her father’s authority. Also, this is the area I could probably relate to the best, being myself a daughter in my father’s house. The Lord has given me many opportunities to practice this principle, little to my enjoyment of the lessons at the time. J And it is my desire to hopefully encourage you, reader, and more specifically fellow “daughters”, in what the Lord has taught and continues to teach me in this important and certainly needed subject of Biblical authority.

Although liberal feminist women would heartily protest the idea of a woman being under subjection to any man, it is God’s divine plan for her as a woman of Godliness. And truly, it is a fulfilling and beautiful design. It is her place as a daughter to be accountable to her father, and when she is given away in marriage, by the father’s hand, it then becomes her place as her husband’s wife. The God-given responsibility to which the father held for his daughter is now placed upon her new husband. I don’t believe widowhood is necessarily an exception here either, although the chain of authority to which she would be accountable to could be different depending on the circumstances. (In I Timothy 5:16 you’ll find that churches are commanded to take care of the believing widows indeed and in James 1:27- “to visit the fatherless and widows”.)

When I read through my Bible, I find that it is the rare exception when a daughter was not actually living directly under her father’s roof. This is where Abraham’s servant found Isaac’s wife, Rebecca. She was serving from under her father’s roof. Rachel and Leah were both at home. And even Esther with her uncle Mordecai. And while some things change by culture, Biblical principles do not. Also, it wasn’t until these daughters were given away in marriage, that they left this God-given place of protection. And while there are exceptions, I believe it is under a father’s roof that a young girl finds the best place to practice such Biblical principles. However, regardless whether a daughter is living directly under her father’s physical roof or not, she is still subject to her father’s authority. In Deuteronomy 22 you’ll find that it was actually the father that was accountable for a daughter’s purity. When the young bride’s purity was questioned by the bridegroom, he went to the daughter’s father. Why? Because he was accountable for her.

“Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.”

(Hebrews 13:17)

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:1-3)

We are commanded to obey our authorities because it is right, but it helps to understand that we are also commanded this for our own good. “For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil.” Father’s are in a place of authority for a daughter’s protection. It isn’t to destroy the “good works” we would choose to take part in, but the “evil”. And again, not all authority is practiced in Godliness. There are exceptions in certain situations and circumstances where it would be wrong or maybe unsafe to stay under a certain authority. But as I said, these are exceptions. I am not speaking to daughters of such exempt circumstances in particular, but to daughters in general. God has designed our father’s authority for our own good welfare. “That it may be well with thee.” He isn’t a vindictive chauvinistic God who enjoys seeing women beat into subjection, as some might imagine. As females, we are said to be the weaker vessels. I Peter 3:7 says- “…giving honour unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel”. We are more emotional, more vulnerable, more sensitive, and much more delicate. This isn’t a downgrade. It is how we were made. And there is a reason for it. As women, we were made to compliment a man. To be a “helpmeet”. This is what a man needs. The husband was commanded to honour his wife in this, not use it to his own advantage. God has given us godly protection in our fathers, our brothers, our pastors, and someday, in our husbands. Simply said, we need it.

I have been amazed, over and over again, how many times the Lord has used my dad for my own protection. Especially in the small things. And really, the small things can be just as important as what we might call the “big things.” Because it is the little foxes that spoil the vines. (Song of Solomon 2:15) Times where all my dad could tell me was- “I can’t explain why, but I don’t have peace about this.” And guess what? If not but a little while later, I was thankful that I listened. Was it always easy? No. Certainly not. But it was always right.

I remember one instance in particular. We were away from home at the time, traveling along with friends for a special church meeting. The opportunity presented itself for me and my sister to stay a few extra days with some of these friends to go up to Edmonton afterwards. I really wanted to stay. It sounded like such fun and what could be the harm in it? So, I asked dad. (Chain of authority) I was rather disappointed when he hardly took much thought to this “wonderful idea” and simply said “no”. I remember feeling both deflated and very frustrated. At least, if I was going to go through the trouble of asking, he could think about it. My flesh revolted and my rebellious heart felt uncared for, unappreciated, and unloved. What about me? What about what I wanted to do? Not to mention, that as a 21 year old “adult” this was somewhat embarrassing. Most of these friends going were even younger than I was. But the Lord rebuked me for my attitude. He reminded me that I was not my own. That my life was to be hid in Christ Jesus my Lord, that I was His servant, and not free to do what I considered my own good pleasure. To submit to His ordained authorities. And for good reason too. That very Sunday after we had come back, the Lord was working in our church at home, and the Lord used my sister to help lead one young lady to salvation in Christ. Amazing! And what was this worth? An extended trip with friends? My own desire to have fun? Definitely not. If we had stayed, I don’t know what might have been different. The Lord used my authority. Proverbs 12:15 says- “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” Our ways, are not always the right way. Isaiah talks about His ways being higher than our ways. And His thoughts than our thoughts. When the Lord speaks through our authorities, we need to listen.

I would like to add here, that I am not advocating that girls never make decisions for themselves. I don’t think that would be balanced. There are many times my dad has let me decide things for myself. But again, it is still a chain of authority. Biblically my dad has the right and command to use this authority. And as a daughter, I am subject to obey it. Although Ephesians 6:4 says- “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” It isn’t an authority to be abused for selfish means. It shouldn’t be to provoke you to wrath, but in the admonition of the Lord. Yet still, even if a father’s authority is being used for selfish gain, I believe that the Lord sees this. He looks on with a righteous and perfect heart. HE is still just, even in injustice. Romans 12:19 says- “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

Ultimately, in trusting our God-given authorities, we are trusting God.

It would seem easier to say we are only going to trust “God” on a subject matter, given who He is. Perfect. His justice is perfect. His love is perfect. His wisdom is perfect, and not to mention, all knowing. He is safe and never once fails. Trusting just Him, would seem easier. But, God works through our authorities. He chooses to use our fathers, our pastors, or eventually our husbands. He gives counsel through men. He chooses to use fallible men. And ultimately, we have to trust the Lord with the outcome. Romans 8:28 says- “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” When the Bible says “all things” I don’t see much room for exceptions. Do you? Not even through the decision our authorities make, which certainly do affect us. I have always been encouraged through the verse in Proverbs 21:1. 

“The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.”

If the king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, how much more is my father’s heart? Especially if my earthly father is also a child of THEE King and seeks to do the Lord’s will as any good earthly father would. If the Lord turneth the king’s heart to do HIS will, how much more can the Lord turn my authorities’ heart to do HIS will? He most certainly can and we must trust the Lord in it.