Authority -- When He Says No II

Spiritual Lesson

Authority 

When He Says No II

Some of you may remember that a few years ago I did a post called "When He Says No". This was a post addressed to daughters uncertain of whether we should obey our fathers in certain circumstances. I feel my position has morphed over the last couple of years. I want to share with you this new insight, as well as declare how imperative it is for Christian women in their homes to understand their role as adult women in the father's house.



Our father's role.

If we are in our father's house our fathers are our earthly protectors, leaders, providers. (1 Timothy 5:8) . Our fathers are not our head. (1 Corinthians 11:3). Our husbands are. (Eph. 5:22, Col 3:18). If we do not have a husband, our head is Christ.


Our role as adult daughters.

As virtuous women we are co-laborers with our Christian brothers. We fight the same fight, press toward the same goals, share the same gospel, reach the same souls, and raise the same warriors. We women were made to co-rule, be fruitful, multiply, take dominion. Even as single women, we can serve and minister and encourage. (See why "Our Men Need Us).  The women in the bible are good examples to us of what godly womanhood looks like.


When our father asks us to stop doing something innocent.

There have been multiple times in my life where I went to my father for counsel, or my dad came to me, and he advised me to quit something I deemed innocent. How easy it is to stop a habit or hobby if proved destructive, but what about those harmless ones? What if we don't agree with his reasons?

I have found comfort in this – God often works through my Dad. It wasn't an accident that I am my father's daughter. He purposefully gave me my father as my protector. If my dad is seeking God's will, and he is striving to be the head, provider and protector God desires him to be, I can be confident that Jesus supplies him with the wisdom to know how to lead, provide and protect me.

But what if Dad is not seeking His will? What if his decision to take away something from me is based on a mere whim? What if my father is asking me to practice something against my convictions? What if he asks me to stop practicing my convictions? What then?

Here is where we Christian daughters grow uncertain. I honestly think this comes from lack of understanding in our position as adults, and also a misrepresentation of authority taught in the church.

Many times (even most of the time) I will choose to follow my Dad's advice. Even if I don't understand. I trust his judgment. Even if I have to sacrifice something I really love and enjoy. I trust my father. Not because he is my father, but because he is trustworthy. He not only would never want to hurt me, but he truly, selflessly, loves me. And he understands that I desire to honor him. He takes it seriously when he advises me not to do something. And when I honor him God has always worked something beautiful.

That being said, I used to believe that Dad's desires were ultimately God's desires. Otherwise God would not have allowed Dad to come to that conclusion, or ask of me such a hard thing. I also thought that God's faithfulness to me during those hard sacrifices were proof that He expected me to obey my father. God had "trusted" me with this "trial". And wasn't He big enough to work in my behalf? It seemed like the spiritual thing to do: Accept and obey. 

This simply isn't true.

Our fathers are our final authorities when we are children. This is why the Bible commands us to obey them when we are children. Of course as adults we are still to honor our parents. But honor doesn't always equal obedience. Just as disobedience is not always rebellion.

Admittedly, our fathers do have some type of authority over us as our leaders and protectors. Just as elders of the church do. Or our doctor would. Or the police officer. Our President. Our music teacher. All are “authorities” with differing amounts of authority in our life. As adults, the key is, it is limited authority. A command holds as much power as the authority who demands it. God demanding our obedience is different than if our piano teacher demanded it. Most understand this concept. But for some reason it is harder to conceive when it comes to our fathers.

We are fashioned to be led. (Genesis 2:18) It is an honor to be provided for. Cherished women are protected, and so we can welcome it. But we are not less because we are led. And we are not mindless subordinates. 

Under our father's roof we do have an obligation to abide by his decisions. It is his home and he is the head of his home. But he is still an earthly ruler. He has derived his authority from God. Only God's authority is unconditional. God's conditions to a ruler is that he “rule well” and that they obey Him. When they are contrary to God we are not to obey them. In fact, we may have to stand against them. This is how tyrants are defeated and resistance is justified.

The church does not have unlimited authority, the State does not have unlimited authority, and fathers do not have unlimited authority.


When Dad asks us to Stop doing a good thing


There were times in my life as a young child that Dad told me no, and I, unwavering, obeyed without question. Aside from when authorities ask something wrong of us, as children we must obey.

As I grew older my Dad would ask me not to do certain things. Even though an adult I misunderstood authority and obeyed, believing this was my duty. And I gave it up to the Lord and He brought about so much good in my life because it. And I am so thankful I listened to my father's good advice. Even though many times it was a major sacrifice. Did Jesus reward my actions because it was righteous to obey my authority? Or did he reward my faithfulness (in what I assumed was my duty)? I've heard over and over people try to prove that daughters (and even sons) should obey their fathers because Jesus knows best and He has blessed them for personally making that choice. I thought that way, and persuaded others with that idea as well. But, I've watched God use the all sorts of people, ways and means, that were less than perfect or right. I believe Jesus rewarded my faithfulness. I am convinced Jesus doesn't expect adults to totally submit to any authority outside of Christ. Not to doctors, professional educators, pastors, elders, men, government officials. Or fathers. Even when we submit to each other as siblings in Christ, it is not a total unquestioning surrender. The closest thing I see in the Bible to complete submission (other than Christ as our head) is the submission to our husbands. Probably because it is a picture of the Bride and Christ. But even in this, it is not quite comparable to Jesus' authority. Because He is ultimate. Autonomous. God. It is dangerous and unhealthy to give any man unconditional obedience.

Can God use our leaders and protectors to guide us? Yes. Absolutely. God has shut down “my way” on several occasions through my father's good advice. And I will be eternally thankful for it. Does it prove that God has constructed the father to be a head over his daughter? That we daughters must abide by our father's convictions and standards. No. It doesn't.

It has also been said that God is not limited or hindered by our authorities. He can move them as rivers of water. The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it withersoever he will. Proverbs 21:1 . Is this true? Yes! Is this proof that we can in good conscience completely obey our authorities' every command? Only if our authorities are to always be obeyed. No exceptions. The spiritual leaders commanded that the disciples stop preaching Jesus. Did the disciples stop and say “Well, God can change their hearts...we will pray for this and obey these leaders”? No. They obeyed God as their final authority.

In my last post I asked: “What if our father asks us to stop a good ministry?” My answer was based on the idea that our father's were our authorities. That they deserved total obedience. I encouraged that God doesn't need you to minister. “He chooses human vessels to do His work, but He doesn't need you personally in that area to minister to those souls. That specific work is not reliant on you. It's His power and His timing and you're His channel. If your God-given authority has taken you out of that ministry, God will raise up another channel in which to achieve His purpose. When a door is closed Jesus always opens up another one. He will show you which good works He wants to work through you.”

I no longer agree. In fact, I passionately disagree. God has chosen to use us. Of course he doesn't need us. He created the universe, He could make all men bow down and believe too, but He doesn't. Instead He chooses to use man, even though He also allows free will. God has called us personally to certain things. Sharing Christ, teaching nations, loving our neighbor, edifying the saints, etc. Of course His Kingdom is not dependent on us. But He has chosen His message to be reliant on mankind's obedience in spreading it. Of course nature, in it's own way, speaks His glory. But nature was not commanded to be Christ-like. You were. It is true we are simply an earthen vessel. But this is no excuse for our passivity; only proof of the excellency of His power when He uses us. We have no guarantee that God will raise up another channel in our place if we fail to obey. Even if we did, this is not a cop-out for disobedience. And we cannot chalk up all “closed doors” to Jesus' will. The gates of Hell prevent us, but we are to storm them, not assume it's not God's timing just because they're closed against us.

And it is certain that we are unable to fulfill every opportunity presented to us. But we do know the good works He expects of us. So we obey. It's not an option – because unlike human authority, He's our Creator, Savior, and there is none beside Him. He is our ultimate and final authority.

Are we morally obligated to obey our fathers? No. Should we honor them? Of course. Even if it's hard? Yes. Even if they are unbelievers? Yes. What about in our relationships? Are we to obey? What if Dad says no to a beau? We honor his decision. In whatever way that God leads us to do that. It might mean stopping the relationship and praying and fasting. If we value our father's opinion and he has “red flags” than it would be naive and foolish to not heed his advice. But as an adult, our head is Christ.

We will answer to Christ for our actions. Not our fathers. And when we enable our fathers false view of authority, (by submitting to their false authority) we are doing everyone involved a disfavor. If our father has asked us to do something ungodly, or to abstain from God's commandments, we are personally sinning, and sinning against our father. We are enabling them, providing them the opportunity, and condoning their sin. This is unhealthy and unrighteous. We can hold this conviction humbly, meekly, and with grace. Righteousness is not arrogance.


When is it okay to disobey?

God is our final authority. Not man. If an authority commands us to directly disobey God, or commands us not to do something that God specifically commanded us to do, we have the moral obligation to obey God over man. (Acts 5:9).

Many times in scripture we see God's children under authorities who had no relationship with God. What we see every time is these men or woman being faithful to their earthly authorities, serving them with respect. Think of Daniel, Joseph, and David. It wasn't until their authorities asked them to disobey God that they humbly refused obedience.

In godly humility and respect and in much prayer should we ever resist an authority. I have seen it done the right way – it can be done. And God is in it and rewards them. And I've seen it done incorrectly, and there was only sorrow and pain and evilness as a result.

Conclusion

We Christian daughters are universally weak on our understanding of authority. It is imperative that we learn, because as Christians we are meant to free mankind, not to be dominated and controlled by it. False view of authority leads to man-worship and stunted Christianity, as well as sinful behavior. Freedom from this false view will change our life, which always results in the changing of other lives. 

Related Posts:

When He Says No

Our Men Need Us

It's Not About Staying At Home

When He Says No

When He Says No

Our Father's role.

Our fathers are our head. (1 Corinthians 11:3). He is our earthly leader. He is our provider. (1 Timothy 5:8). He is our protector, (Eph. 5:25-29).

Our role as Daughter.

We are to submit to our head. (1 Timothy 2:12-13). We are fashioned to be led. (helpmeet verse) It is an honor to be provided for. (Eph 6:1) And it is proof of worth to be protected. (Eph. 5:29).

When he asks us to stop doing something innocent.

There have been multiple times in my life where I went to my father for counsel, or my dad came to me, and he advised me to quit something I deemed innocent. How easy it is to stop a habit or hobby if proved destructive, but what about those harmless ones? What if we don't agree with his reasons?

I have found comfort in this – God works through my authorities. It wasn't an accident that I am my father's daughter. He purposefully gave me my father as my authority. If my dad is seeking God's will, and he is striving to be the head, provider and protector God desires him to be, I can be confident that Jesus supplies him with the wisdom to know how to lead, provide and protect me.

But what if Dad is not seeking His will? What if his decision to take away something from me is based on a mere whim? I can then know that every trial that comes my way must first be approved by God. I know this because He says that He will only allow things into our life that we can bear or escape. Jesus didn't “protect” me from my dad's decision and so it was allowed by God and as long as I am walking in His way I can not go wrong by obeying. In fact I believe that God will work out something beautiful. Just as Joseph was not protected by his brothers wrath, and God allowed those evil circumstances and worked out miracles and help for Joseph, his family, and a nation. God trusted Joseph with that trial. He knew that Joseph would remain faithful and loving and a willing channel.

Can He trust us? We are unaware of the miracles God wants to work in us, for us, and for others. We might be amazed at what He desires to do through us for our family, our church, our friends, even maybe our nation. Will we be a willing channel, or will we have a temper tantrum?

When he asks us to stop a good thing.

“Daddy asked me not to. At all. Oh the little sword in my heart. He was hesitant to say anything, knowing that he is continually asking things away from me. But he doesn't seem to know half the hurt. He doesn't realize he is taking away one of the dearest things my soul craves. He doesn't realize the hurt of separation. How it's like being set in a corner and told to “stay”. Like being punished though innocent. How hurtful when others can go but I must stay behind. It's become a major thread in my life, a main color in the theme and snip! It's cut away, just like that.

But Jesus allowed him to. But I feel like sometimes my heart soars and I'm then knocked right out of the sky with a 2x4. It seems unfair. Why does God constantly rip away at me in this? No ties, must be different, separate, apart, No you can't, can't, can't. And yet, would I dare to ask Him to keep His hands off? To stop limiting me? To stop controlling my life? Never! And why? Because He always knows best. I only bleed for my own good and usually for someone elses good. Every bleeding was necessary for me to grow. They often save me from some folly. I'm always thankful afterward. It always reveals something.

How I would have hated if I had gotten my own way. I had no idea at the time how my decision to obey my dad would impact multiple people. How it would change my life. How it would encourage, convict and inspire friend's lives. How it would teach me invaluable lessons. Never for a moment would I choose for these times to be taken away or changed. If I had to live them over I would make the same choice to obey again. And in a way, I am living it over. Same decision, different circumstance.

I will obey my father. Because this is His will. I will choose Jesus. No matter how much it hurts. I will obey, even in humble obedience and with a sweet and quiet spirit. I'll wait for the joy. He knows what He is doing. He has trusted me with this. I'll gladly bear anything for Him. Maybe this is preparation for something else in my future. I'll obey.”

God is not limited or hindered by our authorities. He can move them as rivers of water.  The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it withersoever he will.   Proverbs 21:1 .
He works all things together for good to those that love Him. (Romans 8).

What if our father asks us to stop a good ministry? Won't others suffer for it? Certainly not. God doesn't need you to minister. He chooses human vessels to do His work, but He doesn't need you personally in that area to minister to those souls. That specific work is not reliant on you. Even when He does use you in that work it is not reliant on you. It's His power and His timing and you're His channel. If your God-given authority has taken you out of that ministry, God will raise up another channel in which to achieve His purpose. When a door is closed Jesus always opens up another one. He will show you which good works He wants to work through you. And that may include shutting some doors in order to open others.

What if our father tells us we cannot pursue a good relationship? God is bigger than your authority's no. If it is in Jesus' will for you to someday enter into a relationship with someone, He will make a way and will mold your authorities hearts towards His will in His perfect timing.

If you are under an authority you are morally obligated to obey him. We are to obey them that have rule over us and submit ourselves for they watch over our souls and will give account. (Hebrews 13:17). Jesus will reward your obedience. I believe, that as a good heavenly Father, He would even reward you for your unnecessary obedience. He loves a humble heart.

When is it okay to disobey?

God is our final authority. Not man. If an authority commands us to directly disobey God, or commands us not to do something that God specifically commanded us to do, we have the moral obligation to obey God over man. (Acts 5:9).

But we must be careful! God has given us the authorities we have in our life and it is no small offense to disobey them. Rebellion in the Bible is compared to witchcraft. (1 Samuel). We must know what God has specifically called us to do, (and what we are not to do). That way when man challenges it, we can know the difference between God's commandments and our own desires or imagined duties.

Jesus tells us to go out into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. A command. But what if our father asked that we not pass out tracts? Could we disobey? Surely not, because there are many ways to witness and give the gospel. If our father told us we may never tell any soul of Jesus or share the gospel, then proper disobedience would most likely be in order.

Many times in scripture we see God's children under authorities who had no relationship with God. What we see every time is these men or woman being faithful to their earthly authorities, serving them with respect. Think of Daniel, Joseph, and David. It wasn't until their authorities asked them to disobey God that they humbly refused obedience.

In godly humility and respect and in much prayer and carefulness should we ever disobey. I have seen it done the right way – it can be done. And God is in it and rewards them. And I've seen it done incorrectly, and there was only sorrow and pain and evilness as a result.

Conclusion

Our father is our God given authority.  God works through our authorities.  We don't have to fear because God is in control, and we can know for certain when we are to obey and when God expects otherwise.  When our fathers tell us "no" we can be certain that Jesus is working in our life and that our shut door only means He plans to open another one.  

God Ordained Authority (Part I)

Spiritual Lessons

God Ordained Authority

Part I

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of God to thee for good.” (Romans 13:1-4)

Authority is ordained of God. As natural flesh controlled humans, we rebel against it. We would rather not answer to anyone for what we choose to do or not do. We want our own way and we resist the idea that we must be under a higher powder or authority. We are rebellious by nature. However, these “natural tendencies” aren’t exactly practical and most certainly not Biblical. As a citizen, we answer to the law. As an employee, you answer to an employer. As Christians, we answer to God. And as in churches, we answer to pastoral authority. A wife submits herself to her own husband. Children are commanded to obey their parents in the Lord, for this is right. And maybe reading that seems completely obvious to some, but I believe that it is actually very important to understand. Without God-given authority, chaos reigns. There would be confusion on every side. Like in the time of the Judges. Every man did what was right in his own eyes. But it was evil in the Lord's sight. The Lord has built up certain chains of authority for good reason.

And while not all authority is practiced Biblically, authority is still a principle of God’s Word and is a righteous command. 

All of the examples I just gave you, are good examples of authority and while I’m sure we might all benefit from discussing them, the chain of authority I would more specifically like to address is to daughters. Being her father’s child, a daughter is subject to her father’s authority. Also, this is the area I could probably relate to the best, being myself a daughter in my father’s house. The Lord has given me many opportunities to practice this principle, little to my enjoyment of the lessons at the time. J And it is my desire to hopefully encourage you, reader, and more specifically fellow “daughters”, in what the Lord has taught and continues to teach me in this important and certainly needed subject of Biblical authority.

Although liberal feminist women would heartily protest the idea of a woman being under subjection to any man, it is God’s divine plan for her as a woman of Godliness. And truly, it is a fulfilling and beautiful design. It is her place as a daughter to be accountable to her father, and when she is given away in marriage, by the father’s hand, it then becomes her place as her husband’s wife. The God-given responsibility to which the father held for his daughter is now placed upon her new husband. I don’t believe widowhood is necessarily an exception here either, although the chain of authority to which she would be accountable to could be different depending on the circumstances. (In I Timothy 5:16 you’ll find that churches are commanded to take care of the believing widows indeed and in James 1:27- “to visit the fatherless and widows”.)

When I read through my Bible, I find that it is the rare exception when a daughter was not actually living directly under her father’s roof. This is where Abraham’s servant found Isaac’s wife, Rebecca. She was serving from under her father’s roof. Rachel and Leah were both at home. And even Esther with her uncle Mordecai. And while some things change by culture, Biblical principles do not. Also, it wasn’t until these daughters were given away in marriage, that they left this God-given place of protection. And while there are exceptions, I believe it is under a father’s roof that a young girl finds the best place to practice such Biblical principles. However, regardless whether a daughter is living directly under her father’s physical roof or not, she is still subject to her father’s authority. In Deuteronomy 22 you’ll find that it was actually the father that was accountable for a daughter’s purity. When the young bride’s purity was questioned by the bridegroom, he went to the daughter’s father. Why? Because he was accountable for her.

“Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.”

(Hebrews 13:17)

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:1-3)

We are commanded to obey our authorities because it is right, but it helps to understand that we are also commanded this for our own good. “For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil.” Father’s are in a place of authority for a daughter’s protection. It isn’t to destroy the “good works” we would choose to take part in, but the “evil”. And again, not all authority is practiced in Godliness. There are exceptions in certain situations and circumstances where it would be wrong or maybe unsafe to stay under a certain authority. But as I said, these are exceptions. I am not speaking to daughters of such exempt circumstances in particular, but to daughters in general. God has designed our father’s authority for our own good welfare. “That it may be well with thee.” He isn’t a vindictive chauvinistic God who enjoys seeing women beat into subjection, as some might imagine. As females, we are said to be the weaker vessels. I Peter 3:7 says- “…giving honour unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel”. We are more emotional, more vulnerable, more sensitive, and much more delicate. This isn’t a downgrade. It is how we were made. And there is a reason for it. As women, we were made to compliment a man. To be a “helpmeet”. This is what a man needs. The husband was commanded to honour his wife in this, not use it to his own advantage. God has given us godly protection in our fathers, our brothers, our pastors, and someday, in our husbands. Simply said, we need it.

I have been amazed, over and over again, how many times the Lord has used my dad for my own protection. Especially in the small things. And really, the small things can be just as important as what we might call the “big things.” Because it is the little foxes that spoil the vines. (Song of Solomon 2:15) Times where all my dad could tell me was- “I can’t explain why, but I don’t have peace about this.” And guess what? If not but a little while later, I was thankful that I listened. Was it always easy? No. Certainly not. But it was always right.

I remember one instance in particular. We were away from home at the time, traveling along with friends for a special church meeting. The opportunity presented itself for me and my sister to stay a few extra days with some of these friends to go up to Edmonton afterwards. I really wanted to stay. It sounded like such fun and what could be the harm in it? So, I asked dad. (Chain of authority) I was rather disappointed when he hardly took much thought to this “wonderful idea” and simply said “no”. I remember feeling both deflated and very frustrated. At least, if I was going to go through the trouble of asking, he could think about it. My flesh revolted and my rebellious heart felt uncared for, unappreciated, and unloved. What about me? What about what I wanted to do? Not to mention, that as a 21 year old “adult” this was somewhat embarrassing. Most of these friends going were even younger than I was. But the Lord rebuked me for my attitude. He reminded me that I was not my own. That my life was to be hid in Christ Jesus my Lord, that I was His servant, and not free to do what I considered my own good pleasure. To submit to His ordained authorities. And for good reason too. That very Sunday after we had come back, the Lord was working in our church at home, and the Lord used my sister to help lead one young lady to salvation in Christ. Amazing! And what was this worth? An extended trip with friends? My own desire to have fun? Definitely not. If we had stayed, I don’t know what might have been different. The Lord used my authority. Proverbs 12:15 says- “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” Our ways, are not always the right way. Isaiah talks about His ways being higher than our ways. And His thoughts than our thoughts. When the Lord speaks through our authorities, we need to listen.

I would like to add here, that I am not advocating that girls never make decisions for themselves. I don’t think that would be balanced. There are many times my dad has let me decide things for myself. But again, it is still a chain of authority. Biblically my dad has the right and command to use this authority. And as a daughter, I am subject to obey it. Although Ephesians 6:4 says- “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” It isn’t an authority to be abused for selfish means. It shouldn’t be to provoke you to wrath, but in the admonition of the Lord. Yet still, even if a father’s authority is being used for selfish gain, I believe that the Lord sees this. He looks on with a righteous and perfect heart. HE is still just, even in injustice. Romans 12:19 says- “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

Ultimately, in trusting our God-given authorities, we are trusting God.

It would seem easier to say we are only going to trust “God” on a subject matter, given who He is. Perfect. His justice is perfect. His love is perfect. His wisdom is perfect, and not to mention, all knowing. He is safe and never once fails. Trusting just Him, would seem easier. But, God works through our authorities. He chooses to use our fathers, our pastors, or eventually our husbands. He gives counsel through men. He chooses to use fallible men. And ultimately, we have to trust the Lord with the outcome. Romans 8:28 says- “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” When the Bible says “all things” I don’t see much room for exceptions. Do you? Not even through the decision our authorities make, which certainly do affect us. I have always been encouraged through the verse in Proverbs 21:1. 

“The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.”

If the king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, how much more is my father’s heart? Especially if my earthly father is also a child of THEE King and seeks to do the Lord’s will as any good earthly father would. If the Lord turneth the king’s heart to do HIS will, how much more can the Lord turn my authorities’ heart to do HIS will? He most certainly can and we must trust the Lord in it.

Biblical Womanhood

Spiritual Lessons/Practical Homemaking  

Biblical Womanhood

Being a daughter, a young woman, a single woman, a sister – entails a lot. What does a single young woman look like from a biblical perspective?

I believe a godly young woman holds her family and home in high regard. She is industrious. Confident. Virtuous. Respectful and honoring to her authorities. Chaste. Sober. Desirous of protection from her father, a productive beneficiary of the home, a keeper at home in training, an influence on those around her.

Recently I was challenged in why I believe these things. I would like to share with you (possibly in a small series) why I believe and stand firm in this description and to the best of my ability strive to be what I have described to you, and why I encourage others to do so.

The topics that were brought to my attention in a recent discussion with a young woman were these:

• Why should women stay at home?
• What is woman's purpose?
• Is our father really our protector and head?
• Do we women really have weak hearts?
• What are guy and girl relationships supposed to look like?
• What are the boundaries of physical touch?
• Can women be feminine and brave and adventurous?

If I were to only share my opinion it could easily be questioned. Who am I? I'm just a young unmarried woman myself, how could I possibly know? Who am I to tell others?

Fortunately we have a guide – the Bible. I do not intend to push my ideas and standards on anyone. I would simply like to address these questions by looking to what God has to say. I would love to hear from you, either comments, challenges, or your trials and triumphs. Don't be bashful. I love feedback.

In this post I would like to only address a few of these questions.

#1. Are our fathers really our protectors and “head”?  

In my short life I have been asked this question numerous times. Of course it has been stated in various ways, but I've heard it a lot. Most likely it is because the principle of fatherly protection has become culturally unacceptable and in most modern family make-ups totally forgotten.

And yet, we women have an innate need of protection and love. Looking back to the very beginning we see that we were formed from man, for man. (Genesis 2:22) God created woman to be man's helpmeet. This is woman's main purpose.

When I shared this recently with someone they were surprised. Women were created to serve mankind? No. Women were created to be their man's helpmeet. There's a difference. In pagan cultures women are to be used by men. In a biblical founded culture women are precious and esteemed. The Bible shows the husband and wife relationship as a picture of the Christ and church relationship. (Ephesians 5:21-33)

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church: and he is saviour of the body.” Ephesians 5:22-23

As daughters, our calling to respect and honor our authorities cannot be expected to be less than what is commanded of the wife. The Bible calls our father the head. We are to obey and honor him. (Ephesians 6:1-2).

Our culture has a twisted perception of what this looks like. The Bible's mandate is noble and functional. The world scrutinizes the biblical family structure and labels the Husband/Father figure as a tyrannical brute, while believing the wife is cornered into a small mundane unhappy sphere, with the children being sheltered victims.

The Biblical pattern is only painted this way because God's enemy happens to be the prince of the world and Satan has purposefully saturated the culture with this distasteful view.

Instead, the biblical family is a healthy beautiful creation. Men are protectors, leaders, loving their wives as Christ loves his bride. Women are their man's queen, guardians of their homes, nurturers of the next generation, warrior crafters, industrious homemakers. Children are an inheritance of the Lord, blessings that are cherished and trained in the admonition of the Lord.

Yes, fathers are our leaders and “head”.

#2. What is woman's purpose?

This has almost been answered in #1. It was not good for Adam to be alone, so God created woman. A helpmeet suited for him. This is more than a duty, it's why we were created. We have been designed to be helpers to men. Just as men were created to lead their homes, we were created to be man's helpmeet. This is not demeaning in any way. Our man needs us. We have a choice of whether to stand by his side and find fulfillment in being the helpmeet we were equipped to be, or run away from our role as helpmeet, ever seeking for that missing purpose.

Proverbs 31 describes a virtuous woman. I believe every woman, no matter their age or marital status should strive to apply these principles. Women are not men's slaves, but co-laborers. We fight the same fight, press toward the same goals, share the same gospel, reach the same souls, and raise the same warriors. We are essentially equal, but subordinate in function.

#3 Why should women stay at home?  

I was recently asked this question because the young woman who questioned me had read my blog and was under the impression I believed all women should stay at home. I shared with her that I considered a woman living at home an ideal situation. But, being a godly young woman does not mean we must stay at home.

Too often, people focus on the “thou shalt nots” they perceive in Christianity. Christians and anti-Christians alike. Instead we can look for what the Lord expects of us and we will be excited and inspired in what He has called us to be, compared to overwhelmed or disappointed in what we can't do. Honestly there are many more principles and promise than “shalt nots”.

If we look to the Bible for principles we see that women worked in and outside the home. In fact, the description of a virtuous woman shows her bringing food in from afar, buying real estate, selling merchandise and serving the poor and needy. Women are not constrained to only household duties. We are called to be keepers at home and helpmeets. This is our noble calling. But, the application of this calling may look different for each of us. Where we should be careful is when we decide to pursue our interests to the hindering of our calling.

For example: Education and Work.

The worlds way is, go to school then find a career. College and a career are not bad in and of themselves, but we have to question whether these paths will prepare and equip us for being the women God has called us to be. I believe that in most cases, 4+ years in college, debt and a career will most likely not prepare or equip us.

Yet work and education are good things. I personally have taken many college courses and have held part time jobs. As I explained to the young woman, God has obviously given us passions for a reason. Exploring them and educating ourselves is not only acceptable, but to be expected. It's a prudent choice, and obviously not outside biblical principles. We just have to seek His will in how we apply the biblical principles. With many different home-lives, family structures, interests and personalities it would be foolish to assume we all would lead the same identical lives. What we women do have in common is our calling to be virtuous women. We are not to structure our lives around our passions, but pursue our passions to equip ourselves to our calling as women.

But what about life-long singleness? Are these women gypped of a calling? Is it biblical to stay unmarried?

Paul was an unmarried apostle. He even preferred it, and would have liked all men to be as he, but conceded “...but every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.” (1 Corinthians 7:7).

Just as marriage is a gift, so is singleness. Both are callings, but from what I can see in the Bible and even in a practical perspective, life-long singleness is an uncommon calling, reserved for a few. But life-long singleness does not give these single women any more of an excuse to pursue their passions and dreams for their own interest, anymore than those who are called to marry. Single woman are obviously given a special opportunity to serve in a different way than married women. But still for the glory of God. The biblical principles of virtuous womanhood can and should still apply. They can still support and strengthen the men God has put as their authority. They can still be a good sister and build their siblings up. They can still influence the next generation. They can still encourage men in our society to be men by being biblical women. They still can be industrious and financially faithful women who open their mouth with wisdom and speak kindness and look well to their household.

#4 Are women weak?     

Again, I was asked this question because of certain former posts that advocated fatherly protection, guarding our hearts and femininity.

I can understand any disgust at this proposition if you believe I meant women are inferior, incapable, prissy, and emotionally unstable. But this isn't the case at all.

The Bible says we are weaker vessels. (1 Peter 3:7). Emotionally we are normally more sensitive, and thus more prone to emotional attack. This is not a condemnation but a fact, and really, we are all weak compared to God's strength and He loves to prove Himself through our weaknesses so He can show Himself strong. I only was warning young women to guard their heart because I know what a battlefront the heart can be. I'm not the only one that gives warning, but God does also – …..“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23 This isn't my opinion, but a biblical admonishment as well.

Which easily leads us to ask –

#5 Can women be feminine but brave and adventurous?

The world has tried to remold femininity into a totally different definition altogether. Feminine does not mean pink and lace, nor does it mean a giddy flirt. It also does not mean we are incapable weaklings.

Because of our culture's misconception, many young women I know have embraced everything they consider to be “un-feminine”. They disdain girl stereotypes, and model anything that would be the opposite.

And yet femininity simply means to be womanly. And we look to the Bible to define how to be a godly woman. We have already discussed what women are called to be, and some examples of what that looks like, but the Bible also says women are to have chaste conversations, to look after the heart more than the outward, to be meek and quiet, obedient, compassionate, loving, sober and discreet. (1 Peter 3 and Titus 2).

Men are not to be copied, rivaled or envied. We too our strong in our own ways. In fact femininity is strong. Neither man's strength or woman's strength is superior than the other, they are just different.

What does a feminine woman look like?

She is not masculine. But she can be firm, she is gentle, but not inferior, able and confident, but submissive and respectful. She is an encourager, a support, loving, helpful, competent and intelligent. Her strength is found in His quietness and confidence (Is. 30:15) and in the satisfaction of fulfilling her God-given calling.

To be feminine in this day and age requires more strength than most people think! Femininity is constantly under attack by the culture's mindset, and by God's enemies. To embrace femininity means you will be rowing upstream. And yet it is worth it! Being a woman of God in the 21^st century is not boring! In fact, my life is so full, so exciting, with endless opportunities I feel like I wish I could live several lives at once! There are so

many battles to be fought, so many people to encourage, so many books that could be written, so many venues, I am overwhelmed! And I can tell you that I have never been more satisfied as when I am complementing the men God has placed in my life and boldly standing for truth. There is nothing cookie-cutter about biblical womanhood.

Plus I have never felt more secure than when under my Heavenly Father and my earthly fathers protection. To be guarded brings such self-worth. I'm a treasure worth protecting. My father and brothers zeal in this only proves how I am cherished. I am not shielded from every fun entertainment, my sphere is not a small one, I am not chained to domestic drudgeries. It is a delight to be feminine. Biblical womanhood is a mission. I am proud to be a woman without the guilt or envy that I am not like a man. As a woman I have the power to influence the next generation. I am given a beautiful noble calling to support and encourage my father (and someday husband) on to greater heights.

In my next post I will address relationships and physical touch.  
Click here for Biblical Womanhood Part II