Dehumanizing Women

Spiritual Lessons 

Guest writer Rebecca Robinson shares with us the importance of how women ought to be treated.

Dehumanizing Women 

Okay friends, hang in there with me. This is important.

The sexual objectification of women is widely normalized and widely embraced, not only by porn addicts and womanizers, but by the many evangelical Christians who grew up believing that hemlines mattered more than personal holiness.
But sexual objectification isn't the only kind that exists. (Yay, Becky, tell us more.)
Men who treat women like they are replaceable, interchangeable role-fillers who do not exist as individuals but as props to be used aren't less guilty of objectifying them. When you go on a hunt for a woman- any woman will do- because you desperately want someone, anyone, to touch and talk at and make you appear a certain way, you are not loving that woman. If a man is constantly pursuing women and treating each one of them like Ryan Gosling treats "Bianca" in Lars and the Real Girl, then he has a serious problem that needs seriously to be addressed.

The bottom line is this: don't treat women (or anyone) like they are things to be possessed rather than people to be loved. It is one of the ugliest ways you can devalue and dehumanize God's image bearers, and it will cause you to miss out on the most beautiful gift this side of Heaven, which is the incredible and mysterious gift of loving and sacrificial relationships between people.

I know a lot of you are sick of hearing about this, but please understand that this issue is inextricably knotted with child sacrifice, with the destruction of families, with adultery, with sex slavery, and the decay of our culture as a whole. This matters so, so much, especially since this treatment of women is often much easier for men to get away with within the profession of faith in Christ.

Women: Find your peace in Christ, not man. This will help you be protected from the flattering tongue of a men who see you as a means to an end rather than a brilliantly unique individual worth caring for, and give the discernment to see the difference.
Men: Be vigilantly aware of this reality and protect and and advocate for the women around you.

I'm sorry to keep beating this drum, I know it gets to sounding trite after a while. But this is at the center of everything we fight against, and it is one of those pernicious evils that is easily overlooked and minimized for the sake of keeping people comfortable.

Accept and Appreciate

Spiritual Lessons

Accept and Appreciate

Satan hates us. He hated Eve. He would use us to destroy the kingdom of God as he tried to use Eve to destroy mankind.

We are weaker. There's no doubt in any rational mind, women are weaker. But it's a gift! God has created women in a totally unique way than men and though weaker in many areas, we are also better equipped in others.

Godly women are ensured protection in God's order by godly men. Authority and roles of headship are in place for our protection. Not for our oppression and suppression. To be truly godly and feminine in this wicked world is a dangerous adventure.

God has equipped us by commanding men to be our protectors and providers. We were created to have the protection of good men over us. So we might freely fulfill our purpose as women. Christ instilled men to be warriors for His kingdom, which includes sheltering, guiding, protecting women so they might flourish.

If God has placed good men in your life, you should rejoice, accept, and appreciate this gift.

Women who reject manhood and their duty to protect them, also reject who they are. Women are images bearers of God. Part of creation's crown. Chosen, and purposed to be exactly as created. We've been designed to be cherished and needed. Our femininity is beautiful, dangerous, powerful and life-giving. We are redeemed children of God meant to be tender, and inviting. We are equipped as warrior raisers. Individuals and yet all with a shared purpose of be man's co-ruler and laborer.

There is nothing inferior about being a captivating and powerful woman of God. The King of kings extends his hand inviting us to follow. There is nothing undignified about following a King. And when he places our hand in the hand of a fallible man, we can nobly accept and confidently follow his lead. And when Satan tempts us, we can smile at him and prove the glory of an all powerful God in the beauty of a noble woman's heart.



At War With Pink Lace

Femininity

 

A Helpmeet

Spiritual Lessons

A Helpmeet

Satan knew how to take out Adam. He went after Adam's helpmeet. And it worked.

Satan uses this same strategy over and over.

I have been privileged to meet a handful of noble, godly men. These men are following after God's heart and seeking His kingdom and fighting against the gates of Hell. Recently I have noticed these men come under severe attack. And they've stood strong. Until, Satan pulled out his 6,000+ year old strategy. Attack on these men's wives.

Suddenly these strong men are uncertain. Insecure. Stumbling.

Ladies – do your relationships with the men in your life feel opposed? There's a reason. Satan would sift your men and would use you as a tool to do it.

Our fathers, brothers, husbands, brothers in Christ need us to be strong in the Lord. The world is against them. The last thing they need us doing is to join the tide against them.

The influence God has given us is powerful. We can choose to co-labor, encourage, support and build up. Or we can choose to manipulate, discourage, tear down our own homes and men.

Your anxiety ladies, effect your men. Your complaints weigh down your men. You listening to your mother's “concerns” about your husband, tears away at your marriage. Your disquiet effects your home's peace and health. Your fear enslaves you.

After the Lord we are our men's greatest assets. We were created to ennoble them. Repent of your selfishness and find the joy of building up the men God has placed in your life.

I understand we have a world of past wounds screaming at us to “play it safe”. We have our families, our reputations, our ministries at stake. We have many reasons to validate our mistrust in our men.

It's not a sin to be faced with fear. To feel uncertain. But our security does not lie in the absence of our fears and dangers, but in the presence of God who is our King. Do not be afraid. 1 Peter 3:6

I'm not advocating enabling our men to sin. I'm simply saying we can choose to set aside our anxiety, our fears, even our common sense, and thrust ahead at our men's sides in the battle. Question your heart's motivation. Maybe God is leading your man to a wilderness like Paul or Moses. Maybe your man is a David. Maybe our men are Mordecais? These men underwent ridicule, mocking, wilderness' and risks all for God's glory.

Take up your shield ladies. Pull out your sword. Take a stand with your man. You are about to become warriors.

Warrior Brides

At War with Pink Lace

Spiritual Lessons

At War with Pink Lace

Yet another perspective on femininity  

Femininity does not have to involve lace, pink and tea cups.  But I want to also say that there is nothing wrong with lace, the color pink, or tea cups.  It's one of the beauties of modern womanhood.  We can hunt, and have tea parties.  Rock climb and knit.  Ski and ball-room dance.  We can wear camo one day, and eyelet the next.

If stereotypical "girly" things aren't your "cup of tea" -- that's okay.  But I want to address a mindset I've come across lately.  It's a resentful attitude toward anything "feminine", typically womanly.  Marriage has become a bitter word, and even the thought of being sought after and treated like a "princess" is embarrassing.

I think this attitude stems from unhealthy expectations. And bitter let-downs. We expect ourselves to someday measure up to Mrs. Proverbs 31.  We expect if we are virtuous enough and pretty enough, Prince Charming will show up.  We expect to serve God in church, at home, at the job, at school and at the volunteer you-name-it-center.  And we try.

And then somewhere in your twenties you wake up with the realization you haven't achieved any of this.  You're full of guilt, Prince Charming is nowhere or has left you broken-hearted, and you're just plain TIRED.  You're a failure.  It's a let-down.  And the spiritual solution:  "Try harder."  And the worldly solution:  "Grow up, it's not going to get any better."

We are left feeling we aren't pretty enough, we don't serve enough, and we're too needy and too wounded.  We will never get married, and femininity wasn't all it was made out to be.
The fact that every little girl has played dolly, has dressed up in mom's shoes, and is captivated by love stories, proves that we have an inherent desire to be needed, to be beautiful and to be sought after.  This is natural.  To downplay it or be ashamed of it, or even go so far as to reject it is a sign of being hurt or having dreams shattered.

Granted there are times the thought of motherhood scares us, we feel frumpy, we're tired and romance seems so complex.  But when you aren't pressed down be insecurities.  When it feels possible to dream, when you are simply being yourself, when demands and disappointments are forgotten -- what do we feel?  What do we desire?  What do we dream?

We find we don't want to run away from life.  We actually can admit we want to be a wife and a mom.  We want to to be part of a man's adventure and to be his helpmeet.  To be a warrior against our culture's sin.  To be confident and beautiful...maybe even relish in something beautiful and glittery...maybe something with lace and pink.

These emotions are part of being female and it's okay to let down our guard and accept them.  Our attitude affects more than just us.  Our disdain for femininity is a result of being hurt -- but it affects other women who dare to accept their femininity.  It's who we are.  And when we can embrace it we can encourage other women to do the same.  And by unashamedly being the women we are, men can also be encouraged to be the men they are supposed to be.

Your womanly courage inspires men to leave modern passivity and encourages them to take up the fight.  Our faithfulness in modesty, our daring to unveil who we are (as imperfect as it may be), our pursuit of beauty and femininity, and our acceptance of our womanhood, actually creates a desire in men to stand up and be the men they were created to be.  A feminine heart inspires heroism.  A womanly heart encourages strength to stand.

Our longings to be womanly and feminine, (no matter how long we've oppressed them) are whispers of the heart, calling out to us to fulfill our purpose as women.  Modern culture, feminists and romance novels will all try to lie and offer unsatisfying alternatives.  But that longing in your heart, the same one that made you delight in baking your first dessert, or dance in your mother's shoes, or plan a party, or sit on your Dad's knee, or blush when your brother said you look nice -- is your heart longing to be exactly who God created you to be - a feminine woman of God.

And how do we be that feminine woman of God?

There isn't a formula.  I don't know of any biblical check-lists.  Which thankfully means we aren't setting ourselves up to be failures.
It's honestly an adventurous journey.

To be continued...



Related Post:

Femininity 

I'm an Old Maid -- Now What?!

I'm an Old Maid -- Now what?!

So, I'm 24 years old and unmarried.  In fact I'm not dating.  Not courting, not in a relationship - notta.

I actually had some people in my life come to me on my 24th birthday and try to "console" me.  Apparently I've reached hopeless "old maid" status.  And I didn't even know it!  Here's the thing --

I think a lot of Christian girls of my generation grew up with the thought that they would prepare to be a wife, graduate, and meet Prince Charming.  And then what?  Life!  We'd follow our husbands, have children, reign as housewife and serve God.

But for many of us, we turned 19 and Prince Charming browned on us.  So we decided we mustn't be ready yet.  There must be more to learn in Virtuous Womanhood 101.

Twenty...um, still no Prince.

Twenty one... no sign of him.

Twenty two... okay, you'd think we'd have a hint...maybe a guy on a white charger on the horizon...

Twenty three -- believe me!  I've learned everything there is to know about cooking, cleaning, serving, parenting and housekeeping.  I'm ready, God!

Twenty four -- Signing my name under Martyr of Old Maid Status

(For some of us the years continue...)

I actually understand why "older" single women turn to their singleness as a form of identity and therefore find it their consolation and security.  We women can yearn so long for male companionship and fulfillment that when "he" won't come, we go overboard in embracing "what we are" instead of "what we don't have".  It can be tempting.  And it sounds "good".  Obviously there is nothing wrong with embracing our single-hood,  In fact it really ought to be embraced.  But our identity is who we are in Christ, not our marital status.  (Or lack thereof!).  We don't have to flaunt our single-hood in order to accept and embrace it.

My dear maidens, I want to encourage you that marriage is not the hallmark of life.  It is not when life begins.  And though we were created to be a man's helpmeet, and live with this natural yearning to fulfill that -- there is more to womanhood than marriage.

I've seen girls treat the cultivation of their character/skills as preparation to be " a good wife".  Or in shallower more accurate words -- they were working on being a good catch.
Our pursuit of godly womanhood has nothing to do with becoming "eligible".  Culinary skills and character building have more purpose than ensuring we're noticed.

So what is our purpose?  

I know that God gives individuals specific purposes.  But what is our purpose as women in general?
We were created to be helpers, to meet needs, to compliment men.  We can still fulfill this purpose without being married.

Who are the men God has placed in your life?  If you have a father, a brother(s), Pastor, or even brothers in Christ -- God has placed you in a position to be a helper.  Of course we are not under submission or subject to these men in the way we are to our husbands.  (Eph. 5:22, Titus 2:5, 1 Pet. 3:1-5).

But we can look to heroines of faith and history to realize that many unmarried women fulfilled their purpose as helper without first being married.

Through Miriam, Moses' sister, a nation was saved.  She ministered to her brother and her steadfastness, her obedience, her quick intellect saved Israel.

Mary, an unmarried women was chosen to be the mother of Jesus Christ, our Messiah.

Sophie Scholl, a German Nazi resister, was not only an inspiration to her country -- but she was a faithful companion and confidant to her brother Hans.

Katharine Wright, Orville and Wilbur's little sister is also a good example.  "Kate" used every opportunity to encourage her brothers to greatness.  Eventually she became their executive secretary and social manager.  She watched over their bicycle shop, paid bills, answered queries for scientific information, corresponded with newspapers and magazines and eventually became secretary of the Wright company.

These are a handful of the many unmarried women God has used.  We as women have the opportunity to be an encourager and helper to the men God has placed in our lives.  Just as we can also be selfish and ignore our opportunities.

Whether we marry or not, we can learn willingness and availability like Mary, we can learn courage and can stretch our intellect like Miriam.  We can learn to be trustworthy and faithful like Sophie, and serve and encourage like Katharine.  If we never marry these things will not be a waste.

There are Godly men in our generation.  I personally am surrounded by them.  Two examples:

My father is raising his children in the admonition of the Lord.  This godly pursuit is not easy in our age.  He and his helpmeet (mom) can use all the encouragement and service I have to offer.

My brother Chris is on the forefront battle against abortion.  He is part of a grassroots movement to abolish our nation's child sacrifice, (AHA).  He is attacked not only by the world but by many Christians.

The men who desire to be godly in this generation need women who have backbone, convictions, intellect, compassion and femininity.  The world hates masculinity and godly leaders.  The world will constantly chip away at their integrity.

Though it is prudent to know how to keep a house, godly womanhood involves more than that.  It behooves us to have a grasp on current affairs, to have a worldview, to be interested in more than beauty tips and fashion buzz.

As daughters, sisters and wives we are ambassadors of those who care for us. How we dress, act and serve does matter.  We represent our heavenly and earthly father.  Men who can count on their counterparts are able to go father, reach more and stand stronger.

We are persuading voices.  We are guardians of purity.  We are feminine strength.  We are a safe friend.  We are prayer warriors.  We are faithful counselors.  We are listeners.  We are encouragers.

And this does not come about naturally.  We have to invest ourselves.  This involves sweat equity, time, prayer.  It means embracing our status as non-conformists.  We are a peculiar people -- even among the peculiar.

Virtuous womanhood is more than becoming marriage materiel.  With Christ we are to walk worthy of the Lord, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God.  (Col 1:10).
Are you ready to engage the world through the spheres and people God has placed in your life?  I am.  Marriage or not, here I come.

Related Post:

Femininity 

A Post for Martha

Spiritual Lessons

A Post for Martha

I never realized how easy it is to suppress men by "taking over".  I think it's part of the curse.  Until recently, I never quite grasped how I was falling into a feministic trap.  Let me explain:

I was born into a visionary family.  Visionaries are dreamers.  They inspire change and they envision the ideal.  They are the trumpets of society.  I've never lived a boring day in my life -- honestly.  With my Dad's dreams of "the next project", my mom's elaborate ideas, my brother's war against injustice, my sister's musical pursuits, and my little siblings budding creativity -- I am surrounded by vision.  It's a chaotic, vibrant, roller coaster sort of life.  It's my norm and something I've recently embraced; even fallen in love with.  But it hasn't always been that way.

Though I was born to Mr. and Mrs. Visionary, my personality has always somewhat resisted.  From somewhere along my mother's side I received a very small amount of what people call "practicality".  Albeit, it is finite compared to the rest of society, it is painfully obvious in a family of such visionary caliber.

With many dreamers in my family there comes a lot of opportunity to "do".  Dreamers love to dream, but many of their dreams never come to fruition. I also, love to dream, but unlike most my visionary counterparts, it plagues me: the undone.  I see dreams and plans falling apart and I step in to mend them.   Even if they are someone else's dream or plan.  Recently I've seen the negativity associated with this personality trait of mine.  If you are a "worker bee", a "Martha", a "fixer"  this post is for you.

 If you are a "worker bee", a "Martha", a "fixer"  this post is for you.

There are many many needs in the world.  There are many needs in our community.  There are many needs at our workplace.  And there is an abundance of needs in our home.  I have taken on plenty of these needs.  But in doing this, I have often pondered why there are so few people doing the same?  Especially when I take on something that must be done, but could be better met by someone else...or maybe should be done by someone else.  But no one else volunteers.  No one else is taking charge.  Others are slacking.  And things are falling apart. 

With my habit to rush in a give aid, I've realized that I have stolen the opportunity from others to obey God.  And what is even more humbling is the thought that I have affected my brothers and brothers in Christ.  My "fix-all" tendency can be traced to a feminist root of pride.  The Little Red Hen syndrome: "I'll do it myself!".     

Recently it has occurred to me that maybe the men would speak up more if we would pause a moment to take a breath and be still.  Maybe the men would step up if we didn't consider ourselves the fix-all to every circumstance that called for a willing volunteer.  Maybe the men would take charge if we stopped assuming we're the only candidate for getting the job done.  Oftentimes the gentlemen step aside for the determined woman who is ready to take "the bull by the horns" because "no one else will".  

There's nothing wrong with women leading things.  It's okay to organize an event.  Or take on a ministry.  As long as we do it because Jesus asked us to, not because there's a need to be met.  Just because no one is rushing to meet a need doesn't mean it's our responsibility.  Just because we see the need, doesn't mean it's our responsibility.  It might be.  But if so, our King must be asked first.  I'm not talking about the obvious commandments.  Being a virtuous woman, being a witness, being a godly daughter, etc. We don't need to ask, we need to obey.

Have we ever considered that maybe God created the need to encourage someone else to step up?

But have we ever considered that maybe God created the need to encourage someone else to step up?  So often we hurry to meet needs, and then later complain to God how full our plate is, and beg for more strength. Perhaps we weren't meant to take it on in the first place.  Of course there are legitimate times of "overload" and it isn't from ourselves taking on too much, but we are tired, we are dealing with health issues, we are experiencing attack from obeying God.  But I'm talking about the adopted attitude of  "we-must-do-it-all".  This is what is dangerous.  

It's not only dangerous but it also encourages those around us to expect us to take charge.  They begin to assume we will meet every need.  And we are burdened even more.  Now we aren't the heroine rushing in to hold down the fort, but now it's our expected duty, and we're falling on the job if we let needs slip.  Our response is: I'm upset, Why won't anyone help?  Why does everyone assume I'm going to head it up and do all the work?  And all along we've put it on ourselves.  

Don't worry -- I know there are times when people are lazy.  I know sometimes your intention was to "help" and suddenly you find all those volunteers have abandoned you and left the project in "your capable hands".  I know sometimes your authorities have shouldered you with a responsibility you didn't sign up for.  I know there are people in this world who will assume upon your generosity (or your convenient state of singleness)  without you having asked for it.  

But humbly look at yourself for a moment.  Do we remember to ask Jesus before committing to something?  Even those things we know we could do, or have been asked to do?  

 He desires us to take on nothing but what He wills, and to refuse nothing but what He offers. 

God alone knows which paths we are to take.  He knows every aspect of our soul and what we should and can handle.  He desires us to take on nothing but what He wills and to refuse nothing He offers.  This is godly dependency.  It's not laziness to defer leadership.  We will only be satisfied when our loads are specifically from Him.  His yoke is bearable.  Our's isn't. 

It is possible to rob our men, of the opportunity to be leaders, protectors, and men.  If we ask God to direct us and listen for His commands, there might be some "big ministries" that are laid aside, but we can be sure what God needs of us will not be ignored.  How many widows are neglected because we are busy "serving God" in a needed ministry?  How many children are forgotten?  How many mom's are overtaxed?  How many friend are discouraged and ignored?

God will make it clear to us if we ask Him.  I've decided to bring before Him every need, no matter the size, and ask Him if it's my order to meet it.  I'm laying aside my feminist attitude.  I'm praying to be an encouragement and help to my brothers.  Habits are hard to break, but nothing is impossible with Christ.  I am praying you too can see this tendency in yourself, and be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  

Take heart Martha, He will create in us a spirit of service as well as submission and love, if we ask.

"Shew me they ways, O LORD; teach me thy paths."  Psalm 25:4 

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Meet Emily and Samantha

Spiritual Lessons

Balance

 Meet Emily.  She has grown up in a conservative Christian home.  She's a young woman who grew up with the idea that girls are to keep their heart's pure, to guard their heart.  Close friendships with men are out of the question.  She feels awkward talking with guys, even making eye contact can be uncomfortable, and she most determinedly alludes any "one on one" conversations with men.  She is keeping her heart whole, for one man.  She would never dream of texting or emailing guys, and avoids Facebook for that very reason.  She is guarded and safe. An un-tampered garden.  She's a maiden, a virtuous woman, someone a man would dream of winning someday.




And meet Samantha.  She is the same age as Emily, also growing up in a Christian home.  But when it comes to men, Samantha has a totally different viewpoint.  Guys can be friends just as much as girls.  In fact, she has some really close guy-friends that she shares her heart with (more than some of her girlfriends).  Texting and emailing guys is no problem; in fact she goes out to coffee with them and get's plenty of friendly, quality-time with her guy friends.  She's free, she's open. An untrammeled garden. She's a chum, a buddy, a safe "sister" in Christ.


  Both young women are sincere and most likely have good intentions.  Emily and Samantha are "fictitious", but I know plenty of girls on both sides of the fence.  You want to know what Emily and Samantha have in common other than sincerity and good intentions?  They are both unbalanced.

I recently talked to a few young women on this subject and it surprised me the controversy and struggles young adults face when it comes to guy-girl relationships.  Some girls I know almost have a "man-phobia" that is so close to the stereotype feminists give to us "conservative goody two-shoes". These would be the "Emily's" in Christian society. The "wall-flowers" we are warned about in helpful Christian guides to finding a mate. (That last sentence is sarcasm).
Then, there are the "que sir ra sir ra" women who enjoy their guy friendships and haven't given emotional and mental purity much thought.  Yet more commonly, I have come across Christian women who have found liberty in breaking their old standards and finding freedom in exploring friendships with young men. Both cases would be more "Samantha's".  They believe they've matured and now can have practical relationships with guys without the "inevitable silliness" that once haunted them.  Some of their guy friends can relate to them better than their girl friends. Men have such a more practical outlook and objective advice.  Going out to coffee never hurt anyone and doesn't have to be labeled a "date".

It never occurred to some of these ladies that there might be a third option.

Can we be meek without being shy and socially awkward?
Can we be passionate and courageous, without being brash or inappropriate?
Is it possible to be pure and confident?
Is it possible to "be friends" with young men without compromise?
Do you think we could communicate with men, without putting our heart (or theirs) at risk?
Do you think we might be able to be virtuous and untrammeled?

YES! Absolutely.  We don't have to be an Emily or a Samantha. There's a middle road.  It's called being balanced.

What does this look like practically?

I am not going to claim to be an expert in guy-girl relationships.  I have (almost) 24 years of singlehood experience under my belt, and depending on who you are, that's not too much. But I can share what I have learned, what other's have tried to teach me, and what I've observed.

Not too long ago, I was more of an Emily.  Only because I was terrified of my unruly heart.  Everyone who knows me well, knows that I am normally very comfortable around people and love to tease and make people feel at ease.  Unfortunately this has served me not-so-well when it comes to guys.  Here I thought I was being kind, and they thought I was being flirtatious.  Over the last six years I've swung from Samantha to Emily, back to Samantha and then more of an Emily... And now?  I realized there's such a thing as being in the middle.

Every young woman is going to have specific convictions for herself, and parent's guide lines vary from girl to girl.  I know some of my own personal convictions may not apply to every young woman.  God puts certain restrictions on people depending on their strengths and weaknesses.  Romans 14:14.  That being said, I believe it's safe to say this:

You can be a guy's friend.  Young men do not have to be ignored in order for you to have a pure heart.  Brothers in Christ are a gift and should be cherished.  But we also can remember that Charity vaunteth not herself, seeketh not her own, is not puffed up.  Charity is kind.  We can be kind, polite, friendly, but obviously their friendship will be (should be) different than our girl-friends.

I avoid appearance of evil.  For that reason I don't text guys.  Is it a sin to text men?  I don't think so.  But this is a personal conviction of mine.  Emailing.  When I email a guy I make sure to include another person (normally my brother) in the recipients.  I want to be held accountable.  I only "chat" online in group hangouts.  It's a safeguard.  I have had plenty of conversations with young men, even outside a group, when I was at church, or in my home where we could be seen and interacted with.  I've debated, laughed, prayed and cried with young men in groups.  I've climbed mountains, shot guns, gone on car trips, went to the movies, sang, went skiing, played volley ball, written scripts, had snow fights with guys and my brothers.  I am totally at ease speaking with a young man.  Eye contact is not only polite but also portrays your confidence level and who you are.

I don't sit close to or touch a guy.  But I will shake his hand.  I am not squeamish about male "cooties"  but neither am I so familiar that I would hug a guy.  Even my friend.  This is called balance.  You cherish your male friends and you will be happy to be a friend while looking after their heart.  Being concerned that you are modest, without being paranoid.  Confidently befriending them, while offering no temptation.  Being a sister, without going beyond.  This is balance.

I hope somehow this was an encouragement to your heart.  Be confident sister, be meek, be kind-hearted.  Better yet, just allow Christ to be Himself in you and you will find that you are suddenly at ease with who you are and you will care so much about others it will almost be impossible to be a stumbling block.  He will show a sensitive heart when to "go ahead", and when to be reserved.  Balance.


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Spiritual Lessons

  Are We Waiting for Prince Charming?

I recently shared with you the pros and cons of having a Future Husband List, and even shared what kind of man I pray for.  Too often we women become disappointed with the Christian men around us and we compromise our dreams of marrying a godly and pure man.

But recently I read a post that made me realize that sometimes we women can also be so focused on what we hope our man to be, that we dream up unrealistic fantasies and discourage our brothers.  The author in the post "Which Comes First - a woman's respect, or a man's godly leadership?" shares how we woman do great harm to godly young men by our zealous desires of finding the perfect man.

We young woman need to be careful in our attitudes.  It is prudent to pray for our man, with a humble attitude that desires to be made into a virtuous woman.  Our men will be human.  They will have flaws.  Not just now, but even during courtship...even after marriage.

Girls seem to have it wrong, either way.  We either compromise our standard and throw out dreams of marrying a righteous man.  Or, we dream up a fictitious super man that every man we've met fails to meet.

So how do we be balanced in this area?

A man that is saved and has a relationship with the Lord is obviously crucial.  But what about other things we deem crucial, such as financial faithfulness, leadership, vision, godly manhood, spiritual maturity?

They are important, but just as we are maturing, we must remember that they too are learning and growing.

We look to godly older men as examples, or biblical characters for role models.  But it's imperative to understand that the young man we will marry will not be a perfect example of Caleb.  And he most definitely will not have had the experience and wisdom of an older man.  How would we feel if our man expected us to have equal maturity of his mother, the wisdom of Deborah and the spirituality of his Pastor's wife?

Sometimes financial faithfulness begins with a desire to be faithful.  It might mean the big things at first.  Then later on the small purchases.  Leadership might express itself by making wise decisions in life, not a stereotypical take-charge attitude. A visionary man may not begin with a multi-generational plan.  He may only know the first step God wants from him.  Manliness is learned, not achieved by becoming a certain age.  We did not become virtuous women by turning 21.  It's a constant lesson -- godly manhood is as well. A godly man in the making may look different than the ideal man we've imagined.

We should pray for our future man, and for our brothers in Christ.  It's not wrong to pray for a lion of a man.  But we can't look down on the young lions and dismiss them as under-par simply because they are young and learning.  Obviously I would never advocate marrying a man who is less than what God would have us marry, just because he is probably "learning and growing and needs a little grace."  Never.  If anything I am more extreme on the other side.

But if we were focused on who God wants us to become, and humbly prayed for our men to be who He wants to be in them, then we should have no worries.  We can pray for kingly attributes but our men will be knights in training.  Just as we are rare rubies in training.   Let's pray for our men.  They will be leaders, and carry the weight of leading in today's sick world.  And they are human, with faults and frailties.  Just as we will be their helpmeets, their encouragers, standing by their side in this sin-sick world.  And we are human, with faults and frailties.

We never have to compromise.  But we also can expect the best without fantasizing a perfect.

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