While sharing my heart and my convictions on relationships, singleness, and future spouses it interests me to hear women's responses. Some people tell me, “Wow....that's awesome for you...but quite unrealistic in today's culture.” I know that some peers even think that I will end up an old maid. I've been told I'm "Old fashioned". But not all responses are negative, (not that being "old fashioned" is a negative!). Some women have asked questions. Recently I had someone ask me some very good pointed questions concerning these issues and I thought I would share them with you.
"I am wondering...how then do young women identify "the one" if not able to get to know the person? ...If you are to save your thoughts and heart for your future husband, how do you know who that man is until you talk to him, share your thoughts and values and determine what his thoughts and values are? Did I misunderstand something? I believe that God knows who the one is for you, but how does He reveal him to you?"
These are quite relevant and even understandable questions. I decided I would not only answer them....but share my answers with you.
Of course the Lord reveals "the one" to us in individual unique ways, since each one of us have unique and individual circumstances.
But, how does the Lord show us anything in our lives? He shows us through prayer, our authorities and His word. And certainly with something so huge as our life's mate I think He has a will concerning such a choice.
It was asked how we will be able to identify "the one" if we aren't able to get to know the person... Of course we can get to know him! But it first starts just as with any brother of Christ: on a careful sisterly/brotherly basic relationship.
I have been told by multiple couples that the best way to learn someone is to see how they handle the real life, day to day situations. Especially if you can BEFORE you are interested in each other and trying to impress the other individual. Seeing how the young man treats his mom is a tell tale sign of how he will treat his future wife. Many of the important issues can be best evaluated on a emotionless level.
Is he saved?
Is it apparent?
What is his relationships with his family and Pastor like?
What Bible does he believe in?
What's his worldview?
Could you possibly respect him?
Is he diligent in his work?
How does he spend his money?
What do other's think of him?
What's your best friend's opinion of him?
Does he meld well with your family?
Is he respectful of your Dad?
Who are his friends?
You can be quite sure of these things without ever giving your heart away. You don't have to share your thoughts and feelings with the guy to figure out these things. The easiest way to do this is to spend time as families....your family with his family. Obviously our families knows us best...we can't pretend to be someone we aren't with our family there. Same with him and his family. It's a safe and realistic outlook. Of course everyone's circumstances vary....but it's really the ideal.
THEN, if the things that are important to you meet your standards, and he expresses interest in you, that's when you seek God's revealing. He WILL show you. He knows your man! And He will be more than willing to show you either a “yes”, “no”, or “not yet”. He has always made it very clear for me.
That's also a benefit of being close to your protectors (ie: our fathers and if we have them: brothers.). They usually know "the guy" much better than we do....I have asked my brothers opinion on guys before. This way, no heart strings need ever to be attached or at risk of being severed later on.
This is pain free and purity guaranteed. :)
And then, when God does give us the "yes", then begins the journey of learning the person on a different level of relationship...courtship.
But that's a whole separate topic! I hope this was a blessing to you. When the Lord would have you identify your man, He will make it clear. There will be plenty of opportunity to share thoughts and values later on.
Be encouraged dear girls! Your hearts are worth protecting! Be careful for nothing...realize His thoughts toward you are good thoughts and numbered over the grains of the sand. He loves you and if marriage is in your life's plan, then certainly He will not keep you “in the dark” for forever.
Your man is saving his heart...how could we do less?