Luke 8:54

"And he put them all out, and took her by the hand, and called, saying, Maid arise." Luke 8:54

Monday, August 18, 2014

Holding Out For a Fairy Tale

Spiritual Lessons 

Holding Out For a Fairy Tale? 

I'd love to marry a mediocre man.”

Whoever heard such a statement? And yet, there are many Christian women saying this very thing by their actions. They might not come out and say they want to trade their purity for pleasure but that is exactly what they are communicating by how they flaunt themselves, who they've settled with, how they manipulate relationships and how they play with men's hearts.

Or more subtly how they view singleness, their lack of contentment, their martyrs spirit as a single, their hostility towards waiting for the “perfect man.”

Many women become impatient and jump when the opportunity arises. Or they lower their expectations for a future mate. Or their standards of conduct are lessened. What once were convictions are now seen as naive dreams and childish fantasies. I've actually met bitter single women. It's a sad thing. I've also known young women who were tired of waiting and settled for less.

I want to encourage you. Why would you lower your standards just to avoid singleness? Without even exploring the beautiful gift singleness is, we can realize that being “alone” is ten times better than being married to the wrong guy.

Keeping to our standard comes down to a matter of trust. If we don't trust that He will give His best in His time, we WILL lower our standard. And yet He delights in giving good gifts to His children.

He doesn't need us to go looking for our guy. Frenzied Internet date searches really aren't a good picture of a women trusting His timing. Neither are schemed meetings, “innocently” planned remarks, or trying to win over the potential parents -in- law! :) You might not hunt at Starbucks like I've seen some women do, or join single Christian sites, but what about at church? What does our body language portray? Some girls I've known would never think to post themselves on a dating site, yet they flaunt their “potentiality” by the way they talk, walk and clothe themselves. Even Christian young women. I recently saw a picture of a young lady that I know on Facebook. The very attitude in her pose suggested sensuality. And she is fourteen. Without knowing her I would have no idea that she is a Christian. And she belongs to a “strong” Christian family.

We serve Jesus. The Almighty Creator of the universe. Why do we fear that He can't possibly orchestrate our love life for us?

We don't have to sit on the side lines, passively yawning our single years away. Godly women are industrious, knowledgeable, prayer warriors...that doesn't just magically happen while we walk down the aisle. That's why we pursue these things now in our singleness.

We also need to keep in mind that marriage is not a goal to attain. Marriage is a gift. Just like singleness. Today He has called us to singleness.

If we let Him choose, we will receive the best. God couldn't possibly sacrifice His son for us, love us, mold us, sanctify us, become part of our every day, only to leave life's 2nd most important decision up to our finite imperfect hands. He cares too much.

Ladies, a real man will cherish purity. God's man will not fit our culture's standards. Of course he wont' be perfect. He's human! But a man going after God must reflect God's attributes. A real man will honer our standards. He will act like a child of the King.

A father would never want his daughter to marry a man less than himself. Our heavenly Father has given us an innate longing to marry a man like Himself. Just take a look at your “list” of what you desire in a man. They are attributes of God. We don't have to be ashamed of this God-given desire.

Of course our Prince Charming will be human and make mistakes and have weaknesses. But He doesn't want us settling for anyone less than His planned best.

And we don't have to. We aren't holding our for a Fairy Tale. We are waiting on Him to script our love story, in His way, in His time. Our responsibility: to desire His will. And because we desire His will, our man will be our dream come true.


  1. Very succinct and well stated, Toni. The following paragraph best sums up what I've tried say all along about our Christian culture and attitude towards marriage and the danger of idolizing marriage itself:

    "We also need to keep in mind that marriage is not a goal to attain. Marriage is a gift. Just like singleness. Today He has called us to singleness."

    As Paul said, "for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Phil. 4:11.
    This is what I have learned and I am so much happier now than I ever was before! Praise the Lord it IS possible to be victoriously and happily single!

    1. Amen! :) I will be replying to your comment on "The One" soon. :)

  2. As Jana has also mentioned... this was very well stated Toni. Simple, but to the point. I appreciated how you brought out that marriage is a gift...not a goal. There is a big difference between the two. What is our goal? Is it CHRIST...or is it marriage? Where are our hearts...really? I also appreciate how you pointed out that we will not attain godly attributes simply by walking down the wedding aisle. [Haha] Hysterical, and yet so true!

    1. You're right Nay. I think we forget that He will give His gift of marriage when He is ready, and that the Kingdom of God is what we should be seeking.