Spiritual Abuse
The names have been changed in these stories for privacy.
Roxy was 13 years old when a man in a black sedan tried to kidnap her. She was riding her bike down her neighborhood street when a man stopped her to ask if she'd seen his dog. It was then that he tried to grab her. Turning her bicycle around she peddled as fast as she could to her parents. They didn't believer her.
Ethan was 10 years old when he took his first camping trip with a friend of the family's. The first night out in the woods, he felt his sleeping bag unzipped and the “friend” try to molest him. He ran for miles, with the man in pursuit, to a neighbor's house. They didn't believe him.
Carrie was 17 years old when she finally told someone her father beat and raped her siblings. She had been beaten with toys as a toddler, threatened with “Hell” if she did not give in to her father's demands, stood by while her sister was molested. Friends and family didn't believe her.
Do I really have to go on, or do you see the similarities in these true stories? These people were abused and those who should have stood up in their defense, refused. I know each of these people. And I know many of the people that these children went to for help. We might be tempted to think of these unresponsive adults as insensitive and idiotic monsters, but honestly, they are sweet, good, loving people.
So why did they refuse to help these children? Well, let's look at what THEY had to say...
“This is your father. All young people go through a rebellious stage where they feel their fathers aren't understanding. You need to get your heart right Carrie. Go back home. It's where you belong.”
“Honey, Mr. So and So wouldn't ever hurt anyone! You must be mistaken. Mr. So and So is a nice guy.”
“Your father loves you. Even if you don't always understand you can be assured of his good intentions. He won't always be perfect, he's human you know, but he knows what's best. You're the little girl.”
“Okay, let's not be dramatic. We know him personally – the entire town knows him. Think of all the great things he has down for our town... All the people he has helped.”
“ God has placed your father to be your authority. You are obligated to honor and obey your father. It's what the Bible says.”
If there are children being abused under your watch and you do nothing, you are guilty of negligence and condoning evil. You are ignoring God's command to protect the needy. You ought to have stones tied to your neck and be thrown into the sea. It doesn't matter how nice and loving you are, you're still guilty.
Some of you might be guessing where I'm going with this. If you know me well enough to know that I'm an abolitionist against human abortion, you're probably assuming that I'm going to compare this to abortion. If that's what you've guessed: you're wrong.
While there are similarities, (if there are children being murdered under your watch and you do nothing you are guilty of negligence and condoning murder...etc.) I'm not talking about abortion.
Jewel's elders and pastors didn't agree with her evangelism “style”. They brought the matter before the church where she wasn't allowed to speak. After they gave their side of the story they gave her the ultimatum: leave your convictions, or leave the church. If she did not obey them, she was worse than the heathen, she would be excommunicated.
Beatrice's Pastor told her that he had been in fornication for a while now. But “shhhh, don't tell anyone”. He had the entire congregation fooled into thinking his actions were justifiable because he was...him. The Pastor. The man of God.
Matt was told that what his pastor said was final. If Pastor asked that he dress a certain way, he'd better. If Pastor asked that he attend every church service, he should. If Pastor said something felt wrong, it was.
This minacious evil I'm talking about is abuse. The first was physical abuse. The second, spiritual abuse. Physical abuse is rampant in the Western world. Spiritual abuse just as much. The churches are filled with authority run recreant.
Why won't someone say something?
Well, let's here what the spiritually abused are told –
“This is your Pastor. All young people go through a rebellious stage where they feel their authorities aren't understanding. You need to get your heart right. Submit. This is where you belong.”
“Honey, Pastor So and So wouldn't ever hurt anyone! You must be mistaken. Pastor So and So is a nice guy.”
“Your Pastor loves you. Even if you don't always understand you can be assured of his good intentions. He won't always be perfect, he's human you know, but he knows what's best. You're the layman.”
“Okay, let's not be dramatic. We know him personally – the entire town knows him. Think of all the great things he has down for our town... All the people he has helped.”
“God has placed your Pastor to be your authority. You are obligated to honor and obey your Pastor. It's what the Bible says.”
People that physically abuse children have the same reasons as those in pastoral authority who abuse. Physical and Spiritual abusers are either deviant or delusional. They either have power trips or insecurities. They are predators or fools glut on false authority.
Often, criminals and abusive pastors alike, go unchallenged because of the failure of “good people”. The same family and friends who refused to believe ill of the men who tried to kidnap their daughter, or molest their neighbor's son etc. are the same people in pews who tell the victims to endure, to believe the best of “Pastor” and obey. In either case the truth is twisted. Somehow love is interpreted as silent forbearance and complete obedience. The mother in law defends the abuse to the victim. The pastor's wife defends the abuse to the victim.
The victims are silent out of fear. Out of obligation. Out of commitment. They are brainwashed by their abusers. Don't disrupt the unity. Don't make waves. Don't risk our reputation. Forgiveness would endure the wrongs.
The victim sacrifices so much to do what they believe is right, and yet they are not only endangering themselves, but others. For their abusers will not be satisfied to prey only on them. They will hunt out others. The abusive husband often attacks his children. The abusive Pastor rarely abuses one out of the congregation.
Some readers might find my comparisons are a stretch at best. If so, I'd encourage you to take off your blinders and have a look around. My personal experience of Pastoral dictatorship is not unique. The complaints from unbelievers are often justified. And the thousands of hurt Christians can testify...if they would be brave enough.
Why won't someone say something?
Well, let's here what the spiritually abused are told –
“This is your Pastor. All young people go through a rebellious stage where they feel their authorities aren't understanding. You need to get your heart right. Submit. This is where you belong.”
“Honey, Pastor So and So wouldn't ever hurt anyone! You must be mistaken. Pastor So and So is a nice guy.”
“Your Pastor loves you. Even if you don't always understand you can be assured of his good intentions. He won't always be perfect, he's human you know, but he knows what's best. You're the layman.”
“Okay, let's not be dramatic. We know him personally – the entire town knows him. Think of all the great things he has down for our town... All the people he has helped.”
“God has placed your Pastor to be your authority. You are obligated to honor and obey your Pastor. It's what the Bible says.”
People that physically abuse children have the same reasons as those in pastoral authority who abuse. Physical and Spiritual abusers are either deviant or delusional. They either have power trips or insecurities. They are predators or fools glut on false authority.
Often, criminals and abusive pastors alike, go unchallenged because of the failure of “good people”. The same family and friends who refused to believe ill of the men who tried to kidnap their daughter, or molest their neighbor's son etc. are the same people in pews who tell the victims to endure, to believe the best of “Pastor” and obey. In either case the truth is twisted. Somehow love is interpreted as silent forbearance and complete obedience. The mother in law defends the abuse to the victim. The pastor's wife defends the abuse to the victim.
The victims are silent out of fear. Out of obligation. Out of commitment. They are brainwashed by their abusers. Don't disrupt the unity. Don't make waves. Don't risk our reputation. Forgiveness would endure the wrongs.
The victim sacrifices so much to do what they believe is right, and yet they are not only endangering themselves, but others. For their abusers will not be satisfied to prey only on them. They will hunt out others. The abusive husband often attacks his children. The abusive Pastor rarely abuses one out of the congregation.
Some readers might find my comparisons are a stretch at best. If so, I'd encourage you to take off your blinders and have a look around. My personal experience of Pastoral dictatorship is not unique. The complaints from unbelievers are often justified. And the thousands of hurt Christians can testify...if they would be brave enough.
Are there illegitimate “victims” out there? Certainly. Some people make up stories (in the physical and spiritual arenas). Are there righteous pastors out there? Of course – just like there are godly men and fathers. I could make disclaimers all day – but here's the point:
Abuse is common in the church house. And those of us who remain silent are to blame.
The abusers will continue to prey, and victims will continue to suffer if we stand quiet. We must repent of our own apathy before we can hope anyone else might be saved.
Don't be a willing victim. Repent. Say something. Don't allow abuse.
Abuse is common in the church house. And those of us who remain silent are to blame.
The abusers will continue to prey, and victims will continue to suffer if we stand quiet. We must repent of our own apathy before we can hope anyone else might be saved.
Don't be a willing victim. Repent. Say something. Don't allow abuse.
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