Quote of the Day

"If God requires anything of us, we have no right to draw back under the pretext that we are liable to commit some fault in obeying. It is better to obey imperfectly than not at all. Perhaps you ought to rebuke some one dependent on you, but you are silent for fear of giving way to vehemence; -or you avoid the society of certain persons, because they make you cross and impatient. How are you to attain self-control, if you shun all occasions of practicing it? Is not such self-choosing a great fault than those into which you fear to fall? Aim at a steady mind to do right, go wherever duty calls you, and believe firmly that God will forgive the faults that take our weakness by surprise in spite of our sincere desire to please Him."

Jean Nicolas Grou, Daily Strength for Daily Needs p. 256

An Abyss and Mass of Mercies

Spiritual Lessons 

An Abyss and Mass of Mercies

I survey the occurrences of my life, and call into account the finger of God, I can perceive nothing but an abyss and mass of mercies, whether general or in mankind, or in particular to myself; I know not, but those which others term crosses, afflictions, judgements, misfortunes, to me who inquire further into them than their visible effects they both appear and in event have ever proved, the secret and dissembled favors of his affection."  Sir Thomas Browne, Riligio Medici 

I sat there looking at her as if she just declared my death sentence.  What was worse was she had stated it so matter of factly, and then expected me to accept it. 

For a year I've struggled with my health.  An uphill battle.  I had just told God -- I can't do this anymore, it's too hard.  And now this.  My doctor was saying that I needed to start back at square one; start over the diet.  Only eat meat and carrots.  So I hadn't been moving uphill, but actually in circles.  Desperate attempt at healing, only to unwind the bandage and find an oozing sore.  He purposefully allowed me to be sick.  He did not keep be from being wounded.  Okay, I could accept that.  A temporary hurt to learn a spiritual lesson.  But now, a year later, it suddenly occurred to me in that tiny little office -- what if He never intends on granting me health?

For a year I've focused on the "someday" that I would be normal again.  And now the question haunted me -- what if this is my normal?  What if He molded me "broken", on purpose, for forever?

And through these questions Jesus has taught me something in the last few weeks.  A personal, good, hard, lesson.  And I hope to share it with you.

Bondage

Jesus began by showing me that I carry burdens.  Some are bondage, others are crosses.  My bondage is sin.  He showed me that my love is selfishness in sheep's clothing.  My heart naturally will only extend itself to those that reach toward me.  I care what others think of me.  I cringe under criticism, smart under fancied slights, and have a hard time sleeping if I think others have found out how inadequate and silly I really am.  As A.W. Tozer once put it, "a fear of being found out gnaws like rodents within [my] heart."  I yearn for someone to understand my hurt and sympathize with my "unfair" mandatory restrictive lifestyle.   

And all of this is because I am under bondage to myself.  It is pride that cringes and smarts and tosses.  It is bitterness that groans for sympathy and frowns on God's unfair treatment.  This is something Jesus wants to free me of.  It is an unnecessary burden.  He never meant for me to carry it.  It is not a "cross" or part of His yoke.  It is sinful and truly hurtful without benefit.  Quite different between the purposeful wounds He gives.

Wounds

Recently I was told that Jesus wounds us, and allows it to scar us, for other's sake.  For the "Thomas'" in our world.

For a year I thought I was in the "repair shop".  I thought I was being healed.  But I have learned that maybe this current place of "health" is my complete state.  Maybe I'm not sick, maybe I'm Toni.  A Toni with wounds.  And maybe these wounds are for someone to thrust their hands in, and set their fingers in.  Maybe my wounds aren't for Christ to heal, but for others.  Maybe they could never let Christ touch and heal them, until they have touched my wounds.  

I read this recently that confirmed this thought in my mind -- 

"We need no more be ashamed of our body -- the fleshly servant that carries us through life -- than Jesus was of the humble beast upon which He rode into Jerusalem. 'The Lord has need of [him]' (Matthew 21:3) may well apply to our mortal bodies."  A.W. Tozer

What if God has need of my mortal body being sick?  Am I giving Him my body for His glory?  Am I bringing down his reputation or lifting it up?  His honor is at stake in how I respond to His given wounds.  And with this wound I know He gives the grace that accompanies such a wound. 

I recently wrote in my diary -- 

"He won't let me bleed to death.  But what if He did?  Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.  If I was of the world, the world would cause me to bleed.  But to my detriment.  The world did not give it's life's blood for me.  But Jesus did.  He has every right to ask me for mine.  I have always felt ready to live for Jesus.  To even dire for Jesus.  But what about to slowly bleed for Jesus?  Yes...even cheerfully.  The enemy thinks he's so smart!  He attacks where he knows I am weak.  I've always feared not having good health.  But Jesus wounded me in my health.  I'm already bleeding.  The enemy can't threaten me with blood threats.  And I know Jesus won't waste my blood."

This is aggressive faith.  A daily common faithfulness.  It isn't very glamorous, and it doesn't achieve applause from any audience.  It's this kind of faith -- when I'm tired and it's hard, and Jesus says "Run and don't be weary."  Run?!  When I hurt, and I'm tired, and it's hard?  Yes.  And only because He wants to do the running for us.  He wants to prove Himself through our weakness.

Sometimes before we reap in joy, we have to sow in tears first.  There are people in our lives that we could never hope to reach without having wept first.  And one of the easiest ways of sowing tears, in my life, has come through pain and weakness and wounds.  My wounds are not bondage.  Bondage afflicts and reminds it's victim of it's inferiority.  My wounds give me the greatest ability to boldly trust Him and accept His estimate of my life.  Pride is bondage.  Being sick is weakness.  Such a difference.  

When physically I feel less than human, when my spiritual walk is a constant "get-up-and-fall" routine, when emotionally I'm depleted -- that's when I know He passionately is wanting to live through me.  that's when I can praise Him and give Him glory and He knows I mean it. 

It doesn't mean I have to pretend I feel okay.  It doesn't mean I will feel better when I praise Him, and it doesn't guarantee that it will be okay.  There may never be a day when I am "normal".  But I can still praise Him.  And He will accept it and find glory in it.  All I have to do is choose Him.

We aren't suppose to shine in the darkness by our own light.  We cannot rejoice when we are throwing up.  We are not okay when we are hurting.  

But it's Him that shines through us.  It is Him that gives the ability to praise even when we can't feel the joy.  It is Him that lifts up the feeble hands and gives words for praise when we are in pain.  He purposefully chose weak petty earthen vessels.  Why?  So the excellency of the power of God might be Him and not of us.  We will be troubled on every side, perplexed and confused and persecuted and cast down and sick and depressed.  But God says, though these things will come, through Him we are not distressed or in despair.  We are not forsaken, not utterly destroyed or beyond help.  Not without relief.  Not totally annihilated.

Physically we can pursue health, while spiritually thanking and accepting Him for the wounds.  It's not a contradiction.  We can groan when it hurts, but not murmur.  We can ask why and not understand, while still knowing He is good.  His wounds are hard, but how nightmarish to think of a life where our wounds were from someone else.  I know Him well enough to realize His motive is lovingkindness.

He Himself was a man of sorrows.  Well acquainted with grief.  He doesn't condemn me for my sorrows.  And yet He always did that which pleased the Father.  I can do the same thought Him.  If we can honor Him with our wounds and crosses, it can easily be surmised that we can do Him dishonor in them as well.  And what makes the difference?  We can either allow our wounds to make us bitter and hold us in bondage, or, we can allow His grace to hold us up and express itself to others.

If God made me, allowed me, gave me, a sick body, I am not offensive to Him.  I cannot offend Him by placing my  sick self under His responsibility.  I am a work of His Hands and He is not ashamed of His creation.  

I can glorify Him when I eat mushy green glop.  How?  By glorifying Him in spite of it.  I don't have to pretend to like it.  But I can still praise Him with a thankful heart knowing He wants to use me, even in eating mushy green glop.  It can be hard when I am separated from everyone and everything I deem dear or good.  This effects my entire being (spiritually, emotionally, physically) and to realize how it doesn't effect anyone around me is discouraging.  My world is rocked violently and their's goes untouched.  
Yet how silly to think this way!  Everyone has their own wounds.  Their bondage God pleads with them to take.  Their wounds He waits to use and glean glory from.  Who am I to think my world is the only one that is a roller coaster ride?  

Are our wounds and weaknesses easy?  Never.  In fact, they can be a tortuous abyss.  And yet when I consider every hardship, every hurt, every sacrifice, and reclaimed dream, I smile with assurance, because in every case,  they have been a mass of mercies. 

"God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom calls good...While it is perfectly true that some of my worst fears did, in fact, materialize, I see them now as 'an abyss and mass of mercies,' appointed and assigned by a loving and merciful Father who sees the end from the beginning.  He asks us to trust Him."  Elizabeth Elliot 


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Haunted 


The War We Forget 

Quote of the Day

“The real damage is done by those millions who want to 'survive.' The honest men who just want to be left in peace. Those who don’t want their little lives disturbed by anything bigger than themselves. Those with no sides and no causes. Those who won’t take measure of their own strength, for fear of antagonizing their own weakness. Those who don’t like to make waves—or enemies. Those for whom freedom, honour, truth, and principles are only literature. Those who live small, mate small, die small. It’s the reductionist approach to life: if you keep it small, you’ll keep it under control. If you don’t make any noise, the bogeyman won’t find you. But it’s all an illusion, because they die too, those people who roll up their spirits into tiny little balls so as to be safe. Safe?! From what? Life is always on the edge of death; narrow streets lead to the same place as wide avenues, and a little candle burns itself out just like a flaming torch does. I choose my own way to burn.” -Sophie Scholl-

The War We Forget

Spiritual Lessons

This is a longer post, but I know I was allowed to write this for a reason and for specific people.  I hope it is a blessing.

The War We Forget 

If we are followers of God, and walk in love, as Christ has loved us, redeeming the time, submitting ourselves one to another, and obeying Jesus in the details of our life, we can be sure of this – the devil seeks us, to devour us, as a roaring lion. Us personally.

Lately my family, as well as church family, have been confronted by the enemy. I am convinced in my heart that right now a spiritual battle is being fought, desperately against us. Our adversary is prepared to take on his prey.

He is a murderer from the beginning. John 8:44. He hates those that open their mouth for the dumb in the cause of those that are appointed to destruction. If you are an abolitionist against human abortion, the devil hates you. You are now a target.

If you are a innocent, if you have committed to purity of heart: you are a target.
 If you are a parent, and seek to train up your children in the way they should go: you are a target. If you are a willing channel, and walk in the Spirit: you are a target. If you influence souls: you are a target.

This is reality, not just a spiritual phenomenon. Whether we are prepared or not, our enemy is skilled and cunning. He seeks to take advantage over us. (2 Corinthians 2:11.)

And yet, our enemy is predictable. We are not ignorant of his devices. And Jesus has given us armor against him. Our part is to be sober and vigilant and to take on that armor. This is an evil day (Eph.6:13) and we must stand. Principalities, powers, rulers of darkness, and spiritual wickedness stand at your gates.

Our Armor

Truth

We are to be girt with truth. There is no truth in our enemy. When he speaks he lies, for he is a liar and the father of it. (John 8:44). He will lie to us. He will tempt us to lie. He would have us in bondage to lies and sin and fear.

Jesus is Truth. He says he is the way, the truth and the life. (John 14:6). And that the truth will set us free. (John 8:32). We have not received the bondage of fear but the true Spirit of adoption whereby we cry “Abba Father”. (Romans 8:15). Truth will shield us.

Breastplate of Righteousness.

We are born sinners. In a wretched state. But Christ in his mercy stole our earthly heritage and made us his joint heirs by His righteous blood. He is not only truth, but He is righteousness (1 John 2:29) and any righteousness through us, is Him. Our righteous stand before God gives us peace (Rom 5:1-5). We can stand in quiet confidence because before God we are righteous. Righteous instruments that He can now use. (Rom 6:13). With His breastplate of righteousness, sin no more has dominion over us.

“He that walketh righteously, and speaketh uprightly; he that despiseth the gain of oppressions, that shaketh his hands from holding of bribes, that stoppeth his ears from hearing of blood, and shutteth his eyes from seeing evil; He shall dwell on high: his place of defense shall be the munitions of rocks: bread shall be given him; his waters shall be sure.” Isaiah 33:15-16

Preparation of the Gospel

The Bible says that the gospel of Christ is the power of God unto salvation. (Rom. 1:16). Paul was unashamed of the gospel and was ready to preach the gospel, knowing that righteousness is revealed through it. All of mankind is seeking peace; they hold truth in their unrighteous hands and don't know what to do with it. “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrightesouness.” And we should be prepared to give every man an answer to that which lieth in us. (1 Peter 3:15). And that answer is the gospel of peace. (Eph. 6:15).

Shield of Faith

Shield 

1. To cover, as with a shield; to cover from danger; to defend; to protect; to secure form assault or injury.
2. To ward off; to defend against; as clothes shield one from the cold.

The Bible says we can resist and remain stedfast against the devil in faith. Why? Because faith believes that “the God of all grace, who hath called us...after we have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” 
(2 Peter 5:9-10)  
Faith can cast all it's care upon Him and trust Him and know that He cares. (2 Peter 5:7).  Faith dares to ask anything of her Father. 

Matthew 21:22 

“And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.”

 Faith can move mountains. Faith believes and knows the love God has toward us. Faith boldly dwells in love and Love dwells in her. Faith does not fear, but enables the heart to love. And perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:16-18.)  Faith is a shield of confidence. (1 John 5:14-15). Faith secures us against assault. The fiery darts of the wicked.

“...faith is not a once-done act, but a continuous gaze of the heart at the Triune God. ...While we are looking at God we do not see ourselves-- blessed riddance. The man who has struggled to purify himself and has had nothing but repeated failures will experience real relief when he stops tinkering with his soul and looks away to the perfect One. While he looks at Christ, the very things he has so long been trying to do will be getting done within him. It will be God working in him to will and to do. ...Faith looks out instead of in and the whole life falls into line.” A.W. Tozer (Pursuit of God, 83)

The Helmet of salvation.

All would be null and void without the saving blood of Jesus Christ on our account. By grace and faith are we saved, (Eph 2:8-9) in Jesus Christ alone.  There is no other salvation in anyone else, “for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.” (Acts 4:12).

The Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

I was standing, alone, out in a field, trying to pray. And they surrounded me on every side. Demons. I was terrified, too scared to run back home – what if they just followed me? Only a few weeks ago my brother was confronted by them as well. So I started praying aloud. I still felt desperate. So I started quoting Scripture, and the strain melted away. They were gone.

I don't know how common spiritual attack is in different families, but my family has definitely had our fair share. Whether in sudden fear, battles with depression, evil imaginations, or direct attack, we've experienced it. Through it all, we have learned that those who rule the darkness hate scripture.

Hebrews 4:12 says that the word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any two edged sword. It pierces and divides asunder the soul and spirit and discerns thoughts and intents of the heart. God asks – “Is not my word like a fire...and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces? (Jer.23:29)

We can only be thoroughly furnished by knowing His word. (2 Tim. 3:16-17).

Prayer

“Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints...” Eph. 6:18

I am convinced that we, and others, suffer because we forget to ask.

We hope God will work in our behalf. Sometimes desperately hope. Or we feel like we just need to “take it on the chin” and bear it all cheerfully. Or trials weigh us down, the enemy beats down,we are surrounded so we whimper. And our Father, with baited breath, waits for us to call on Him. He wants to prove himself. And then when we finally resort to prayer, we ask him for a sip -- when He's ready to pour out the ocean.

I've asked many people if they know whether they will go to heaven or not when they die. And many answer. “I hope so.” We know that that person's eternity is at stake. How about us who “hope” God will work in us and for us?

When is the last time we sincerely persevered in prayer for something or someone? Have we recently asked God for something and knew He would answer? If we ask anything according to His will, he hears us. And if He hears us we can know for certain that we have whatever petition that we desire. God says so. (1 John 5:14-15).

I recently have been praying very specific things for certain people. And these people have told me (without any clue that I've been praying for them) how God has taught them this, or done this thing for them, or helped them in this area. God loves to work specifics. He loves to work outside the box. He enjoys proving Himself and getting glory. But He chooses to use channels. We've got to be available and willing.

When is the last time we came together, as siblings in Christ, and prayed for something? God says that that we can ask anything and it will be done for us. Where two or three are gathered together in His name He is in the midst of them. (Matthew 18:19-20.)

Over and over He asks (and commands) us to come to Him and ask. I wonder how many times we have grieved Him because He waited to give us a blessing, and we never came to receive it? How many times has He desired to bless someone else through us as a channel but we weren't there...we never asked, we didn't come.

“If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.” John 15:7

Mark 11:24 Therefore I say unto you, what things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

“And I say unto you, Ask , and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” Luke 11:9

James 5:16 “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

“Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty thing, which thou knowest not.” Jeremiah 33:3

Psalms 34:17 “The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delievereth them out of all their troubles."  

Trained to War

This morning Jesus showed me that He has conquered demons through me.  And it isn't me at all -- HE has girded me with strength to battle, He spread them abroad.  He avenged me.  He lifted me up on high above them that rose against me.  He has delivered me from the violent.  (2 Samuel 22)

My burden hasn't gone away.  I am still on a battle front.  The devil still seeks me out.  These won't change.  But!  He has given me supernatural acceptance and compassion.  He has given me a spiritual mission.  One that involves pain.  But He has supplied me with all I need to face them.  He conquers demons through helpless, vulnerable, weak channels.  He loves working through incompetent channels; He enjoys using the weak.  I am amazed at how simple it is.  Painful, but simple.  

I wonder how much we limit Him and His angles because we choose to be blase' and silly on the battle field.  There is a cost to following Him.  There is a cost to allowing Him to love through us.  There is a battle.  A war.  And no matter our distracted state, our adversary is full-time employed. The devil's only stumbling block – the warrior Christian. Those who are sober and vigilant. Who pray – believing behind their shield of faith. Those who use the word of God. The demons are only conquered by believing, willing, helpless Christians. Jesus is teaching my hands to war. Praise Him! He has given me peace. He has answered specific prayers. He loves answering specific prayers. The Spirit world is so real; so important. I am amazed at how joined the spirit world is with the physical. My work, my home, they are both battlefields. Like a friend so recently said, there is no such thing as a non-combatant in this war. We are all players, whether we want to be or not. When we fall asleep, we are not normally the devil's priority, but he has no qualms of slaying us then. But jump into the fray and we are lighted targets. We shine in a dark place and he will try to take us out.

Our Weaknesses

I've wondered why evil seems to know our weaknesses so well. I remember a pastor telling me that he wouldn't mention his weaknesses aloud for fear the enemy would hear. They already know. How – I have no idea. But they know the secret unmentioned weaknesses. Yet, it doesn't matter. Because it's our weaknesses God can so greatly use. The very thing that haunts us about ourselves is the most powerful link to His power. Because there is absolutely nothing we can do with it. Weakness is difficult to rely on. Which is perfect for Him, because we can't get in the way. God knows our weakness better than we do. If He molded our strengths, it is not too long of a stretch to believe that He has given us our weaknesses. Where we are weak we can be sure that there is the place He intends to use us the most.

The greater our weakness, the greater His glory. The more abnormal our weakness, the more supernatural He will prove. Guilt is something to shun. Our weakness in not an accident. We are not broken. There is nothing to fix. Our weakness in not a crutch but a sword!

Loneliness may be a companion, if so we must learn to embrace it. God works miracles in lonely places. The enemy has bows of steel. We have our weaknesses. Satan's archers have had thousands of years of experience, but we have the Creator God who is Forever, that moves and lives through us.

You are godly with God in you. You are righteous with Christ's blood atonement. We are joint-heirs, children of God, pure and holy – nothing less. Christ doesn't see us as less because we aren't less. He has trusted us with our weakness. The greater our weakness the more proof of His trust and great expectations. We are exactly what He intended. Accept it, and we will find an incredible journey before us. It doesn’t matter if we choose to go through it with open alertness and armor, or asleep and hateful – either way is painful. But with one we are not to be used, misery will depress us – or, we can be channels in which He receives glory, and demons are conquered, and our scars will be for Him.    

Quote of the Day

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (II Corinthians 12:9)

"The law of the spiritual life is that divine strength shall be made perfect in human weakness. Our part is to supply the weakness, God's part is to supply the strength. We are, however, continually trying to usurp God's part and to supply the strength ourselves; and, because we cannot do this, we are plunged into depths of discouragement. We think, in order to work efficiently for the Lord, we ought to feel strong in ourselves, and when instead we find ourselves feeling weak, we are in despair. But the Bible teaches us that, if we only knew it, our weakness is in reality our greatest strength."

(Hannah Whitall Smith, The Commonsense Teaching of the Bible p.136)

Quote of the Day

"...Our blessed Lord Himself was for our sakes crucified through weakness. There is nothing wrong in feeling weak. We are not meant to suppress all human emotions until we end up frigid as ice. ... No, we must rather allow God's Spirit to make His own use of our emotions. Of course He must be in command." (Watchman Nee)