Captivating

Spiritual Lessons

Captivating

I was recently asked what my greatest fear is.

I had to think for a moment; and there it was, burning ashamedly in my heart. I fear being inept.

Is that a strange fear? I'm not sure. But it's mine. At work, at the ski resort, in my relationships, in school, or even when I walk into a room – that is my fear. I'm not smart enough, I can't master that skill, I'm not faithful enough, I can't figure it out, I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough: I can't. I'm inept. Incapable. Incompetent.

It occurred to me recently that my fear isn't necessarily grounded on past experience; I've always had it. And this led me to wonder if this fear isn't embedded into the heart of every human being in some shape or form.

I could be totally off. But I watch my own siblings, or other children and it seems confirmed. Little boys want to be men, and more importantly they want to prove that they are men. They want to be enough – to have what it takes.

And little girls. Whether we wanted to be Cinderella or Joan of Arc, we yearned to be beautiful and brave. At four we waltzed into the room in our pretty dress and mom's high heels. As young women we dream of someday being captivating to one young man. As middle-aged women we hope to be good wives and mothers. And someday Grandmas. Beautiful, strong, needed, appreciated. And most importantly, we want to be beautiful and strong enough FOR someone. Needed and appreciated BY someone.

One of the hardest pills of reality to swallow for a girl is that she really isn't that beautiful. Who wants to admit that they are mediocre in their looks? Those who are model-worthy are kept straining away to maintain perfection. To prove our worth by how we look.

Those of us not given incredible beauty (and that's a lot of us) strain at what we do feel we have a shot at. Our intelligence. We will give our all in studies and academically accomplish all we felt we failed to do in cosmetics. Or in our strength. We will have a sport that we give 100% to so we might prove we're enough in the area we know we can win. We become the best at something so we can ignore the fact we're inept in another area. Yet outside our safe arena those fears haunt us.


I wanted to encourage you.


Ladies – I get it. I understand the fear and wounds in your heart. Here's the encouragement:

Your worth has nothing to do with how you look or what you can achieve. So go ahead and do yourself a favor and stop comparing yourself. We don't have to work our way into being captivating. We don't have to wait for a beau in order to find worth or to be special to someone, or to be charming.

I am 100% certain being a spouse will be wonderful. I know it will be lovely to have a man singularly delight in me. We want to walk into the room and be noticed and appreciated. We want someone to appreciate spending quality time with us. Someone who enjoys our presence. Someone who remembers our idiosyncrasies; laughs when we laugh, cries when we hurt. Someone who enjoys giving instead of only taking. Someone to rescue us when we are in need. Someone who thinks about us. Someone who needs us. Someone to share an adventure with.

It's really no wonder why we dream of someday “falling in love”. Because it's the perfect scenario for all our deepest desires to be potentially fulfilled.

Recently I wondered how a single girl, such as myself, could find fulfillment without being in a relationship with a guy. I mean, are we supposed to be left desiring and yearning until that magical day? What if we never marry? Or what if “he” doesn't ask me until I'm 35? Am I to be kept incomplete? Am I supposed to have this gaping hole? Are my desires really just my “flesh” – something I should deny and ignore?

I don't think God left us desperate until our wedding day. I have begun to see little ways in which He planned on meeting my desires. Not because I deserve them, but simply because he delights in me. Jesus delights in me. I come before Him and he is excited to share and fellowship. He notices when I am hurt. He cares. He enjoys my presence. He knows everything about me. He laughs when I laugh, cries when I hurt. He knows every step of grief I've ever taken. He creates sunrises just for me. He is patient when I am distracted. He knows how much I enjoy certain little things and he arranges them just for me. He rescues me when I'm lost. He needs my love. He loves that I am part of His adventure. He gives me friends who appreciate me and remind me of goodness and grace.

Stereotypical Christian answer to singlehood's woes, eh? God! He's your lover. Yeah, I understand. Sometimes we want flesh and blood to come and hug us. We want to feel him. God doesn't text us when we're down, or bring us flowers, or audibly say “I love you” or physically dry our tears. I get that. That may be what we want, but He has provided what we need. Perfectly.

He desires these things too. It's His image we're made in. He understands our yearnings better than anyone else. And he lovingly has provided a solution for our needs. He didn't make us imperfect – or he'd be imperfect. God is vulnerable. God needs. God desires. So do we. We aren't meant to be left desperate. We are meant to find fulfillment through Him. That way it doesn't matter if we are single for the rest of our lives – we have Him already! If we can recognize our need to simply be a display of God's own character, we might be less apt to condemn ourselves, and more readily apt to run to the One who eagerly waits to meet our need.

So why are we valuable? Because we are made in the image of God and He says so. No stipulations or conditions.

No-one is meant to completely fulfill that void in our hearts, ladies. Not our parents, not our siblings not our girlfriends. And later in life – not our boyfriend, not our husbands, not our children. God is so good as to give us people in our life who display affection, affirmation, security, love, support, etc. Those relationships are blessings! But they aren't meant to meet our needs entirely. Only Jesus can fulfill us 100%. It's dangerous of us to seek and expect fulfillment from the wrong sources.

This is a glorious fact, girls! God doesn't put worth on us because of our merit. And we don't need to wait until that perfect relationship – whether that's a Dad who will start loving us, that big brother we never had – a Prince charming – we don't have to wait. We have a father who unconditionally loves us and protects us. We have a friend closer than a brother. The Son of God pursues us already!

Not to belittle earthly relationships – but so often we seek and yearn and cry when He is already there, longing to be our everything. We don't have to get fit before we're lovely. We don't have to catch someone's eye before we're captivating. We don't have to prove anything.

I hope this somehow reminds you to run hard to Him. I forget too. I allow my fears to run away with me. But we don't have to. Relish the fact He loves you. Tell Him so – and watch those fears melt away. You ARE captivating.

Accept and Appreciate

Spiritual Lessons

Accept and Appreciate

Satan hates us. He hated Eve. He would use us to destroy the kingdom of God as he tried to use Eve to destroy mankind.

We are weaker. There's no doubt in any rational mind, women are weaker. But it's a gift! God has created women in a totally unique way than men and though weaker in many areas, we are also better equipped in others.

Godly women are ensured protection in God's order by godly men. Authority and roles of headship are in place for our protection. Not for our oppression and suppression. To be truly godly and feminine in this wicked world is a dangerous adventure.

God has equipped us by commanding men to be our protectors and providers. We were created to have the protection of good men over us. So we might freely fulfill our purpose as women. Christ instilled men to be warriors for His kingdom, which includes sheltering, guiding, protecting women so they might flourish.

If God has placed good men in your life, you should rejoice, accept, and appreciate this gift.

Women who reject manhood and their duty to protect them, also reject who they are. Women are images bearers of God. Part of creation's crown. Chosen, and purposed to be exactly as created. We've been designed to be cherished and needed. Our femininity is beautiful, dangerous, powerful and life-giving. We are redeemed children of God meant to be tender, and inviting. We are equipped as warrior raisers. Individuals and yet all with a shared purpose of be man's co-ruler and laborer.

There is nothing inferior about being a captivating and powerful woman of God. The King of kings extends his hand inviting us to follow. There is nothing undignified about following a King. And when he places our hand in the hand of a fallible man, we can nobly accept and confidently follow his lead. And when Satan tempts us, we can smile at him and prove the glory of an all powerful God in the beauty of a noble woman's heart.



At War With Pink Lace

Femininity

 

Knighthood

Spiritual Lessons 

Knighthood

(excerpt from Maid Arise! Chapter 5)

Today, our world seems deficient of Christ-like men. Even Christian circles are lacking godly young men.

We could blame men for this problem, but we must admit, we as young women are not encouraging them toward such a goal.
The American culture (and most of the World's) mocks manliness, chivalry, responsibility and strength in men. Not only are they ridiculed for their godliness, but they are encouraged to be effeminate and weak.
Only a few months ago, my mom and I were shopping last minute for my brother Jeremy’s birthday. We happened to pass by the “Barbie” aisle and mom saw in the corner of her eye a “Ken”. “Ewe! Look at this Ken!” We walked over and were thoroughly disgusted. There stood Ken with hands on hips, his long styled hair slightly curled in towards his face, wearing a pink plaid shirt. He was the very epitome of our culture’s effeminate man. Society presents effeminate men in many ways. The heroes in movies, celebrity musicians, television stars, teen magazine models, fiction book characters, T-shirt graphics, and apparently in children’s playthings.
Feminism has taken hold of girl’s hearts (in Christian homes as well) and women act resentful toward real men. We are taught by society that leaders, or patriarchs, are tyrannical control freaks that beat women into slavery, destroying her “unique spirit”…in essence: monsters. In truth, we were created to be a helper of men, and right now, more than ever they need our encouragement to be men.
Of course men are responsible for themselves, and I’m not advocating the “hen peck syndrome”, where women belittle men, ranting that men must rise from their stupor and quit being 'sorry good for nothings'! I am talking about treating our brothers and brothers in Christ respectfully as men of God. Showing our admiration when our brothers act godly; our society already pulls them down; they don’t need us to.

The Lord expects a lot from our brothers and brothers in Christ. God would have mature and godly leaders of homes who protect and provide for their families. This is a noble calling.

How do our brothers perceive masculinity? Is their view aided or hindered by us? Do we see our brother's opinions as unimportant? Do we treat him like a child? Yes, I’m talking about younger brothers, too. Our culture encourages and teaches a “Me first” attitude in siblings by sowing seeds of sin in our hearts through the movies, literature, and other media outlets. It is another way to tear down the family. When this attitude gains a foothold in our hearts, it leaves very little room for Christ to work in us.
We can build our brothers up, or tear them down. We can encourage them, or turn them away. For many of us, our brothers are the men in our lives, and we are given the opportunity (much to the chagrin of some) to practice on them as we learn to support our future husbands.
I told my girls during our Girls for Christ Class: Ask yourself before you do anything to or for your brothers: Does this build them up? Personally I have decided not to say or do anything that is not an encouragement to my brothers. Easier said than done. Is smacking them playfully encouraging them to be chivalrous? Convicting!
We have an incredible influence over our brothers in Christ! We cannot take this lightly. This includes the way we tease. We must remain ladylike, pure (in action and how we are perceived), discreet. This leads to accepting their chivalrous actions. When they open the door we should cheerfully be thankful and accept it. Or when they offer their hat or coat, or when they offer their place in line. This is needful to encourage chivalry. We don't want to make it awkward for them. We don't want to tease them about it either, for the next time, they will (teasingly) not serve you.
We girls, in our Girls for Christ class, took up the challenge to show our brothers love. We were kind no matter what, we were alert so we could cheerfully help them when the opportunity arose. We tried to be considerate of their feelings. We tried to show love by little acts of service and notes. We understood that love does not expect anything in return, not even a thank you. And we were blessed by the results. What wondrous opportunities we have to serve and “practice on” our brothers! And if we do not have brothers this can be applied to our Dads.

This can mean being supportive in big things, such as his choice in his future career…but I’m also talking about the little things too.


 I’m the eldest out of seven. I used to love being in the spotlight, I loved talking, and I loved telling my siblings what to do. When I was young and I’d play with my dolls, I would set the plot, be the main characters and “let” Chris be one doll. Some favorite stories of my parents reveal some of my forward personality.
Once we went to a Renaissance Fair when Chris was about three and I was four. Our family wanted to see some jousting and sword fighting in the ring. Apparently, the knights would allow the boys to pick a sword and come and “fight a knight”. They tried to get Chris to join in but he was too shy. But not me! I grabbed the sword and happily “fought” the knight. :)
Then there's the home video of me ripping open Chris' birthday presents on his 6^th birthday. And the story, when I was about 5, how I came up during a church singing special and stole the microphone so I could sing too.
I was continually embarrassed that Chris and Tim seemed so shy and hardly said anything when guests were over. So… I did all the talking.
When I was a little older and Chris, Tim, Faith and I started singing as a group, I picked the songs, the key, and who did the harmony…etc. I had the idea that no one wanted or was going to do it, so I took naturally to the part, my personality being a bossy one.
Then I was convicted, much later, that I was supposed to be treating my brothers like knights in training. They were supposed to be my protectors…one day being leaders and heads of homes. I stopped talking so much. And (amazingly!) Chris began speaking up for himself. Tim also became more social.
One day I told Chris I thought he should do the harmony for the special at church (instead of me). He seemed to have a natural knack for it. To this day I am usually melody since Chris does so well at harmony, and his voice is suited for it. Then he started making suggestions as to which songs he thought would be a good choice. I supported him by agreeing.
Today he does most of the arranging of harmonies and picks a majority of the songs we will sing, and I can smile and say that it has been a blessing leaning on him at nervous moments. I look to him when I forget my line and his steadiness always calms me when we are in front of people to sing.

This too, is a “little” thing, but it makes a world of difference in our relationships with our siblings, and I also believe encourages brothers to be men.  Not only that...but Chris has pursued street preaching. His first time He ever went out I was there to support him. He looked at me and gave me a knowing smile. He was once that shy boy that wouldn't talk. I was now the one feeling inadequate. I smiled back. I knew he could do it. I prayed for him and laughed to myself. Maybe my stepping back was actually a help in even this.
This is a “little” thing, but it makes a world of difference in our relationships with our siblings, and I also believe encourages brothers to be men.