The Dream You Hold

Spiritual Lessons 

The Dream You Hold 

Thoughts and Encouragement on Purity

"He loves me, he loves me not...he loves me, he loves me not...”

Did you ever learn as a little girl the silly plucking of flower petals to see if a guy “liked” you? Of course it proved nothing and only resulted in a naked flower. But today, as young women we tend to still “pluck petals” in our imagination. Strong feelings follow. We battle between our emotions, our desire for purity, and guilt if we've fallen short. A constant battle for even us Christian girls.

Many of us Christian singles hold onto a hope of a certain someone. I would like to offer some encouragement in this.

Firstly, I want to hearten you in the fact that it is quite human and natural to admire someone. Most likely you cannot manually change your feelings. You can't help but be attracted to him. It's okay. We don't have to beat ourselves up because we are attracted to someone.

If this man is your future man, you don't have to worry – God is a perfect orchestrator. If He handles the universe, He can handle the details and timing of your relationships.

Our attraction can be viewed as something to keep ourselves cheerfully dependent on Jesus. This guy is a cross in a way. As with any cross we let Jesus do the carrying. We simply accept it.

With Him as our head, we have someone to keep us accountable. We can safely trust Him with our heart and tell Him when those strong feelings come up. He is our outlet. We can pour those feelings into His hands and He will deal with them. He will take every emotion, the natural, the evil or the innocent.

We can also remember, that Jesus loves that man more than we do. We can pray for him and trust Jesus to guide him and not have to feel anxious over anything. We don't have any responsibility in nurturing our relationship with that person. If we follow Jesus and allow Him to rule our heart, our path will be pure and right and best. Jesus can choose whether or not to allow our relationship to turn into anything deeper than friendship. We don't have to woo or prove or “reel in” or keep track or make sure of anything! It's ultimately Jesus' responsibility, and secondly it will be the man's responsibility to initiate anything.  

Secondly, what is our part? To follow Jesus. To remain faithful in what He has called us to do today. We are on an adventure of singlehood right now and He is just as involved and interested in it as in our future marriage. Life isn't waiting...we're living it right now! And He has a plan for our 'right now'. He desires to use us. Are we distracted or are we totally willing and running after Him?

It's okay to have a hope. Without any intentions on your part you may have found yourself suddenly admiring this young man. I understand that you don't want to pine away. To hold your breath. To be silly or giddy. You want Jesus first in your life.

Perfect. That's all He needs. He can do the rest.

This young man is not ours. Even if he is our future spouse, his isn't ours yet. If our heart has selfishly stamped “mine” on anything or anyone we can be sure we've taken our focus off of Him. There's freedom from the tyranny of self in all aspects, not just in this. Just as with every other thing in this earth, this young man belongs to Jesus. Even if Jesus promised him to you. He is still Jesus' son, and we have no right to a child of God. Even if he someday is ours, he will still be a gift... Even if this man is given to you someday, he truly will still belong to the Lord. Acknowledging that fact is freeing.

We also must remember we aren't fighting our hope, and ignoring it or telling ourselves we must throw it away, but simply desiring His will over our own and surrendering our dream to Him.  

  And lastly, what if the Lord does take him away? Hasn't He taken away things before in our lives? Though there was temporary bleeding and pain didn't the joy of being fully His far outweigh the ache? The same in this dear dream. We don't need to fear where He will take us or what He plans to do with this young man. It's so natural to tremble at the thought of pain. If Jesus told us “No...this man is never going to be yours” it would be painful, but the sacrifice does not need to be feared. You and I both know that if He asked there would be no other alternative in our heart. We could burn our hope on the alter. He would provide the grace.

No rival in our heart. No possession. He might ask us to make an Issac sacrifice. He might not. Either way we can trust Him.

True love would allow any baser love to be extinguished. To hope that our future will include this man is not evil, but we also know that true love for him would want God's best for this man over any dream we might hold.

Over analyzing and cross examining our intentions and emotions never helps. We can simply accept it. But we shouldn't only accept our cross but insist that it works our death. It isn't really a cross if we're unwilling to be crucified and completely yielded. Reassuringly, we will not be left hanging there forever. After any spiritual death always comes a resurrection. We don't have to fear. We know He loves us and will work all together for our good – whether that includes this man or not.

Hold up your hands unclenched – palms up and wide. Laying there is your dream, a small and shining hope. You can't rid yourself of it but you don't have to claim it either. If He asks, you will place it on the alter and burn it permanently. Humbly bow and hold it up before Him. He will decide. Even if He doesn't answer for years. You are exactly where He wants you. The young man is only benefited by your true love and prayers for him. Your relationship with Jesus will deepen. It's okay to hold a dream... but with hands opened wide. 

Purity without Guilt

Spiritual Lessons 

  Purity Without Guilt

What if I'm subconsciously attracted to someone?   Are my hopes and dreams pure?  Am I impure if my mind wanders to a certain guy?

These were questions I was asked recently and I felt like sharing my thoughts.

Attraction is normal, and not a sin.  Yet it is possible to commit emotional adultery. What's the difference?   Attraction is a natural emotion.  Emotional adultery is a choice with what we do with that natural emotion.  Emotional adultery is a decision to dwell in lust.  

Some safe guards I keep are being careful in my conduct and thoughts and speech.  This comes easiest when I am continually meditating on good thoughts.  (What we dwell on comes out).   Keeping young men as casual acquaintances or friends and saving close friendships for young woman is imperative.  

But hoping that we will be married one day is not sin.  Even having plans or preparations for our future is not evil.  But we do need to be careful where we allow our thoughts to go. I find that if I  continually share with Jesus where I'm at, it keeps me accountable in my thought life.  

Attraction is a strong emotion. But it is possible for our heart to stop at admiration.  Beyond that are slippery slopes and temptations and fine lines.  The best solution is to give Jesus our attraction.  Every time "he" comes to mind, we can immediately give "him" to Jesus.  It's always such a help to realize that Jesus has allowed me to feel towards this person, it's not more than I can bare.  This "cross" will certainly keep you dependent on Him.  We can choose to allow it to.  If the guy doesn't make any advancement we should be content to be still.  We aren't waiting on the guy.  We are simply following Jesus.  Don't hold your breath!  We have no idea how long God needs us to be single to accomplish His will for our life and other's lives.  

There's the possibility of feeling frightened that we have a hope in our life.  It's okay.  If Jesus takes it away He will give us the grace to let go.  If He one days allows the hope to become reality, He will let us know when the time comes.  

In the meanwhile, we shouldn't forget who is the true satisfaction to our every longing!  Before and after marriage!  He is our Beloved and desires to meet every need of our heart.  If we are truly upfront with Him, He will guide our heart and convict us when we've gone astray and comfort us when we feel like we're a hopeless case!  

Here are previous posts on these same issues.  I hope this was somehow an encouragement to you. 

Keeping our Hearts with Diligence 

Is there a difference between infatuation and giving away your heart?  How do we practically keep our heart?

Biblical Womanhood

Are our fathers really our head?  What is woman's purpose?  Why should woman stay at home? Are woman weak?  Can women be adventurous and brave?  

Compromise

Our hearts are at stake! This post addresses the temptation to compromise our standard of purity.  Honest and to the point about relationships with guys.

Temptations 

Temptations will come.  Whether they're something or someone.  This post is on how to face them, what to do with them, how to feel about them and how to find encouragement in them.  

The One  

Is there really "the one" out there for us?

What to do as a Single? 

It's easy to grow restless and wonder if there's more to singlehood.  This post encourages single woman what "to do" in these years. 

Holding out for a Fairy Tale 

Is it silly to hope and pray for a "Prince Charming"?  Do such men exist?  

Courtship Defended  

Courtship: is it biblical, or is it flawed? 

Heartstrings  

What is our "heart"?  What's our heart's purpose?  What isn't our heart's purpose?

Keeping our Hearts with Diligence (Part I)

Spiritual Lessons

Keeping our Hearts with Diligence

Part One

"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."  (Proverbs 4:23)

I'll be honest. This verse has always discouraged me. I've heard it my whole life growing up- "Keep your heart. Keep your heart. Keep your heart!" I've even told this to other girls younger than me. But what does it mean to "keep your heart" anyways? It always felt like a pretty good saying that was somewhat overused and completely unexplained. But it was Biblical, right? It was most commonly used in reference to boys. Not giving your heart away to some guy you "like" or have a "crush on" when you're 14, that may after all, never be your husband. 

It has also been commonly used as I’ve gotten older, during the years when you are officially “coming of age” and marriage is actually a very real possibility. If you ever show interest in a guy or he shows interest in you, it is one of the first things you hear. “Keep your heart.” It sounds good, I’d like to be able to do that, but how? What does it even mean? What does it look like, practically applied?

I’ve been told that if you don’t keep your heart, you will be giving away pieces of that heart, which can never again be recovered. That you will then, never have a “complete” heart to give someone else. I am honestly not sure this is strictly true, just speaking from experience, but I do know there is a difference between “liking someone” and literally “giving someone your heart”. Some girls think they are “in love” with a guy they’ve hardly even spoken three words to, when really, they are only in love with the idea of being in love. This is called “infatuation”. For those of you who might be worried that because you have liked someone, you’ve ruined any chance of giving yourself completely to your husband, I’d like to say that giving your heart, is actually a choice we make. Just like love is a choice. It is painful, vulnerable, and not something that “accidently happens” without our knowing it. Being attracted to someone isn’t “falling in love with that person”. Also, just because you are interested in a potential possibility, doesn’t mean you are “beyond the point of no return”.

That being said, however, I would also like to bring out the fact that our hearts are extremely weak and vulnerable. We can form dangerous “heart strings” very quickly. We can easily become unhealthily attached to someone. (For more on “heart stings”- please look up Toni’s previous post "HeartStrings".) We do need to be careful. The Lord wouldn’t have commanded us to “keep our hearts with all diligence” if He also didn’t know that out of them are the “issues of life”! Our hearts are also very deceitful. The Lord describes them as such in Jeremiah 17:9- “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”

We can’t even know our own hearts. They deceive us. 

But guess who does?

“I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.” (Jeremiah 17:10)

Job understood this truth. He says – “And these things hast thou hid in thine heart: I know that this is with thee.” (Job 10:13)

Just because “giving our hearts away” is a choice, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be careful not to make that choice. And because our hearts are desperately wicked and deceitful, we need to be cautious. Just the simple fact that God told us to “keep” them, actually means that they can be “given away”. So how do we keep our hearts?

Here is something I recently wrote in my diary-

“The heart seems unruly and impossible to keep. But then, why would He give the command to? He would be an unjust God to command something without giving the ability to actually do it. God doesn’t give commands that are unreasonable. Yet, He also tells us that without HIM, we can do nothing. He is involved in the heart’s keeping. He has to be. However, I think there are principles we can live by to help that along. Just like, we can ‘quench the Spirit’, we can quench His working in our hearts.”

Here are some principles which I believe enable us to keep our hearts with all diligence. All of them are taken from the four verses immediately following Proverbs 4:23, where He tells us to “keep our hearts with all diligence”.

 “Put away from thee a forward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.” (v.24)

Firstly, we have our mouths. James has a lot to say about the tongue.

“Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! …For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. … Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? …Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.” (James 3:4-5,7-8,10-11,13)

Where are our words continually dwelling? What are our lips speaking? What are we always talking about? Is it the typical “Who likes who”? Is it always about boys? And romance? Or maybe something even a little more subtle. “I can’t wait to do this or that for my wedding!”? Whatever it might be. Is it wrong to like someone? No. Is it evil to want to get married? Certainly not. Is it wicked to be excited about what you might or might not do for your wedding colors? No, it isn’t. But what we are usually talking about, what we are always dwelling on, says something about where our hearts are. We also need to remember that our mouths also affect our listener. We are not an island to ourselves. Remember how James just talked about a fountain either yielding bitter water or sweet? It is the exact same with our words. We can either be edifying our listener, or we can be corrupting their minds. It could be blessing or cursing. Why won’t we try to use our words to edify? Maybe the next time one of your girl friends wants to talk about the “latest with so and so”, you could casually change the topic. Why not share what’s on our hearts about Christ? He is an endless and beautiful subject matter. Or maybe, we don’t, simply because we wouldn’t have anything to share? I hope not. Or maybe you know someone who is discouraged about their singleness? You just might be able to encourage that heart to stay content in Jesus alone, simply by how you use yours words. A wise man will show forth his works in a good conversation.

“Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee.”  (v.25)

Next, we have our eyes. We are told to let them look “right on” and to what is “straight before thee”. But in doing so, we have to honestly ask ourselves a few questions. What is before me? Where are my eyes looking? Who are they looking at?

Hebrews 12:2 says- “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

“But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” (II Corinthians 3:18)

What we are focused on, is what we become. As we set our faces towards the Lord, we are changed into the same image. I wonder what our faces would look like in comparison to this standard. I wonder what we’d honestly see. It depends completely on what our hearts are truly seeking. What are we looking for? Romance? Marriage? Selfish desires? Fulfillment from our own dreams? 
I hope it’s more. 
Proverbs 23:5 warns us about where we set our eyes.

“Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not?"

If the Lord has told us “no”, then there is a good reason for it. To continue to set our eyes and hearts on something that is not the Lord’s will for us, is not only vain, but can be a hindrance in our walk with the Lord. We have to trust Him with our hearts’ desires. We have to rely on His wisdom. 

He searches the same heart that so easily deceives us.

Proverbs 14:30 says- “A sound heart is the life of the flesh:  but envy the rottenness of the bones.”

What is a sound heart other than a strong confidence and contentment in the Lord? A heart that is set towards following Jesus Christ. Not having a heart that is envious. Not wanting something that doesn’t belong to you. That could also apply to things we just don’t have yet. Are our desires and the focus of our hearts encouraging “life”, or maybe, “rottenness” to our bones? Where we set our eyes bears a big part in how we keep our hearts with all diligence.

I will continue these thoughts very soon in “Keeping our Hearts with Diligence Part II”.

The One

Spiritual Issues 

The One 

While sharing my heart and my convictions on relationships, singleness, and future spouses it interests me to hear women's responses. Some people tell me, “Wow....that's awesome for you...but quite unrealistic in today's culture.” I know that some peers even think that I will end up an old maid. I've been told I'm "Old fashioned". But not all responses are negative, (not that being "old fashioned" is a negative!). Some women have asked questions. Recently I had someone ask me some very good pointed questions concerning these issues and I thought I would share them with you.


"I am wondering...how then do young women identify "the one" if not able to get to know the person? ...If you are to save your thoughts and heart for your future husband, how do you know who that man is until you talk to him, share your thoughts and values and determine what his thoughts and values are? Did I misunderstand something? I believe that God knows who the one is for you, but how does He reveal him to you?"


These are quite relevant and even understandable questions. I decided I would not only answer them....but share my answers with you.


Of course the Lord reveals "the one" to us in individual unique ways, since each one of us have unique and individual circumstances.


But, how does the Lord show us anything in our lives? He shows us through prayer, our authorities and His word. And certainly with something so huge as our life's mate I think He has a will concerning such a choice.


It was asked how we will be able to identify "the one" if we aren't able to get to know the person... Of course we can get to know him! But it first starts just as with any brother of Christ: on a careful sisterly/brotherly basic relationship.


I have been told by multiple couples that the best way to learn someone is to see how they handle the real life, day to day situations. Especially if you can BEFORE you are interested in each other and trying to impress the other individual. Seeing how the young man treats his mom is a tell tale sign of how he will treat his future wife. Many of the important issues can be best evaluated on a emotionless level.


For example:


Is he saved?


Is it apparent?


What is his relationships with his family and Pastor like?


What Bible does he believe in?


What's his worldview?


Could you possibly respect him?


Is he diligent in his work?


How does he spend his money?


What do other's think of him?


What's your best friend's opinion of him?


Does he meld well with your family?


Is he respectful of your Dad?


Who are his friends?




You can be quite sure of these things without ever giving your heart away. You don't have to share your thoughts and feelings with the guy to figure out these things. The easiest way to do this is to spend time as families....your family with his family. Obviously our families knows us best...we can't pretend to be someone we aren't with our family there. Same with him and his family. It's a safe and realistic outlook. Of course everyone's circumstances vary....but it's really the ideal.


THEN, if the things that are important to you meet your standards, and he expresses interest in you, that's when you seek God's revealing. He WILL show you. He knows your man! And He will be more than willing to show you either a “yes”, “no”, or “not yet”. He has always made it very clear for me.



That's also a benefit of being close to your protectors (ie: our fathers and if we have them: brothers.). They usually know "the guy" much better than we do....I have asked my brothers opinion on guys before. This way, no heart strings need ever to be attached or at risk of being severed later on.


This is pain free and purity guaranteed. :)



And then, when God does give us the "yes", then begins the journey of learning the person on a different level of relationship...courtship.


But that's a whole separate topic! I hope this was a blessing to you. When the Lord would have you identify your man, He will make it clear. There will be plenty of opportunity to share thoughts and values later on.


Be encouraged dear girls! Your hearts are worth protecting! Be careful for nothing...realize His thoughts toward you are good thoughts and numbered over the grains of the sand. He loves you and if marriage is in your life's plan, then certainly He will not keep you “in the dark” for forever.

Your man is saving his heart...how could we do less?