Luke 8:54

"And he put them all out, and took her by the hand, and called, saying, Maid arise." Luke 8:54

Tuesday, July 8, 2014


Spiritual Lessons 

As I become older, and my girlfriends do as well, we are faced with many challenges involving relationships.

It would seem that when we take a stand for purity, suddenly the enemy picks us out of the crowd and attacks. Lately many girls that I know have been under attack (including myself) in regards to relationships.

I want to encourage you, dear hearts.

In this day and age, godly men are rare. Honestly, it can be discouraging to stop and take note that the handful of godly men we know seem to be ancient sages, married, or....our little brother. :) We are inundated by the World's standard of men; surrounded by what the world deems as “real men” in our music, television, social media, novels, magazines, etc. As Christian women we have been brought up to know that these are not the kind of men we should desire to marry. We know we want a Bible-believing, God fearing, Godly man. So we wait. As we become older we realize there aren't really that many young men that fit such a description. So when a guy comes a long that seems to be okay...our first inclination might be... “maybe he's 'it'!”

We are enamored. He likes me! Someone actually likes me! And....he isn't a bad guy. He's actually really sweet.

We begin to compromise. Girls, I want to share some truths that keep coming up before me over and over again. Truths that I have been trying to share with some friends. Truths that come to me while I pray, truths the Lord has given me in my own struggles. These are truths you might need to hear again. Even though you were taught them, or you know them to be true. People do not discuss them much. And right now, in this day and age, and more specifically, at this time in my life, I am seeing innocence under siege.

Girls, a lost man is incapable of loving you. He can't. Because God is love, and without Him, it is impossible to love.

The lost man that is pursuing you might be a nice guy, but stop and think why you wouldn't marry him. The reasons that just came to mind should be the same reasons to keep you from encouraging any relationship with him. False love is more destructive than hate. It will catch you unguarded and leave you deeply wounded.

If this guy isn't an option right now, than he shouldn't be a struggle either. He shouldn't be treated like an option. Maybe he is a Christian, but your family doesn't have a peace about him. You aren't sure. If your brothers, Dad or Pastor, feel uncomfortable about the guy, you should too. Men understand men better than we do.

We, as ladies, are prone to weakness. Our hearts are easily moved. Admit it, we are emotionally driven. Predators are attracted to weak prey. Not all men are predators by any means. Many are protectors. But all women are weak when it comes to the heart. We will attract predators. With this knowledge we can take precautions by allowing ourselves to be protected and guarding our hearts.

We shouldn't start a relationship we know might have to be ended. Many girls I know right now have come to a “Y” in their relationship path. And they don't even want to admit they have to make a choice.

Girls, there is no such thing as neutral ground. I am seeing the same scenarios in these various young ladies lives. Of course there is balance....we have to realize that temptations come and they in and of themselves are not sins. (See post on Temptations ) But, if you are in a less than good relationship, and you know that it cannot continue, then a decision must be made. Not to decide is a decision. You are choosing to move forward.

There is no such thing as being a good friend with a guy who wants to pursue you. He doesn't want to “just be a friend”. Being this man's friend is not an option.

This man is either the man God has chosen for you, or he isn't. There isn't an in between. And if the Lord does not give you or your God-given-authorities peace about him than he is a “no”. And must be treated as such. To do otherwise would be dishonest and hurtful to him.

Some girls don't want to make the decision. They would rather choose to “struggle” instead. Because it is easier and feels better to have someone attracted to you. You feel attached to this man.

He won't magically go away on his own if he isn't the right guy. You can't soothe your conscience by deciding that in the future you will make a choice. It's a cross roads now. It won't happen unless you decide to decide now.

Continuing to be around this guy, fellowshipping, contacting, continuing to “get to know” and be “friends” is inappropriate. Who in their right mind, while on a sugar-free diet, would prepare chocolate cake? Even if they didn't plan on eating it?

Girls, your heart is at stake! Your purity, your future husband and your future children. Not to mention your little siblings who are watching you.

What if he is meant for later on down the road? Perfect. You can wait; for all things not in His time are not beautiful. God is bigger than our no.

Is compromise considerable when it comes to the 2nd most important decision in our life? It's difficult to be objective when our feelings are tangled up in the matter. I know. But we must let God guide us. It is imperative. If we manipulate our circumstances now, we will never know if “he” really was the one or not. When hard times come, you will doubt.

Does God know who we will marry? Absolutely! Then, why do we struggle?

We struggle because we choose to side with our flesh instead of choosing to love that man. If we truly loved him we wouldn't vaunt ourselves, we wouldn't seek our own. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

We love the enjoyment we get out of the relationship more than we love the person himself. It's true. If we know continuing down this relationship path is potentially harmful, or not His will, less than good, than to continue on anyway is purely selfish.

It has been said that we never really love anyone until we can do without them for their good.” (Hannah Whitall Smith in God is Enough, 139)

Convicting. He has someone picked out for us. If He is silent on the matter of who our man is, it's on purpose. There is a reason. Our outward conduct is important, but so is our inward. For as a man thinketh, so is he...and what is in the heart we will speak. What is in our heart we will do. Even if sub-consciously we have decided we won't take a stand, then we won't. It is possible for a Christian young woman to revel in selfishness. Or, we can take a stand. Of course our fathers can help us in this....but ultimately it is your choice whether to give your heart away or not. Let's take a stand. Your heart is worth fighting for.

 Never give in to compromise.


  1. Amen! I know you share this in love Toni. You are a courageous and wise young lady. Thank you for standing and sharing.

    1. That is definitely my intention: to share in love! It is a sober topic...something that has been on my mind since it has been real in my life right now. But of course....I want to admonish in a serious spirit coupled with Christ's love.

  2. Good advice , Toni. There are godly young men whose heart cry is pretty much the same. So do not give up and yes, do not compromise.

    1. You are right. There must be godly men that look around and despair because of the lack of Christ-like women. But whether we are men or women, we don't have to give up. The Lord knows! If He has fashioned a priceless godly young woman then He will also provide a godly young man. Lately I have been surrounded by young ladies that are questioning....doubting....crying out... I just hope to encourage. Thanks for the comment OrchidsandLaundry. :)

  3. This was very well laid out, Toni. A much needed topic for discussion and admonition for sure. As an "older" single, I would like to add that sometimes God can bring us to the place (I know He has for me) where I am content simply to belong to Him. That really makes the whole pressure of feeling that tug towards one particular man and giving into the tempation to give him your heart a lot less prevalent. Perhaps it's just part of getting older, or maybe it truly is the "gift of singleness". I know that's not helpful to everybody, but it's just another perspective to do with as you will.

    1. Thanks Jana for sharing that. I totally agree! To know you belong to Him satisfies that natural (God-given) yearning in our maidenly hearts to be loved, owned, protected. And to realize that even when we do marry one day He will still be our best Lover.... How blessed to know He calls us "Beloved" and will remain faithful to us for eternity.

  4. Thank you for sharing this Toni. It's funny (well, not really, but you know what I mean :)) because, this same subject has been on my heart a lot lately too. Compromising, even in our thoughts, is dangerous. The struggles that occur in a young single girl's heart can be complicated; but through Christ, we are given the victory.

    "For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things." (I John 3:20)

    He who truly has our able also to keep our hearts.

  5. "We shouldn't start a relationship we think might have to be ended" Could you clarify what you meant here? It almost sounds like, "We shouldn't enter a relationship unless it's guaranteed to work out."

  6. Hello Catherine, thanks for the comment.

    As I said in the post," If this guy isn't an option right now, than he shouldn't be a struggle either. He shouldn't be treated like an option." I've seen young women who will condone a relationship because they aren't intending on marrying the guy (and when I say relationship, I mean beyond casual friendship). If we already know the man is less than what God has planned for us, we shouldn't continue the relationship. We shouldn't even start one!

    As I further explain in this post -- "...if you are in a less than good relationship, and you know that it cannot continue, then a decision must be made. Not to decide is a decision. You are choosing to move forward. There is no such thing as being a good friend with a guy who wants to pursue you. He doesn't want to “just be a friend”. Being this man's friend is not an option.This man is either the man God has chosen for you, or he isn't. There isn't an in between..."

    I hope this answered your question!