Refuse to let it go
This cup for me to drink
Though filled with sorrow's silt
Convinced He knows my need
Though hard to wait in hope
It can be harder still
In calm to wait for hope
Accept a silent will
Though a vacant place
Because He's taken all
I'm filled with nothing less
And ready when He calls
Planted in a wilderness
I chose to say goodbye
He is my inheritance
I'd rather have Him mine
Last night I gave up a dream I've held onto for almost a year and a half. When I told Jesus I wanted Him to have all of me, I meant it. And He has taken me at my own word. And He has taken over every part of my life.
I hold no expectations. I have been planted in an uncharted wilderness. I could shrink from it...but to simply and cheerfully take it from Him is much sweeter. If we are to count it all joy when given tribulation, how could I respond less when taken to a little wasteland of unknowns? My wilderness cannot even be labeled “tribulation”. He is my everything and that is joy!
To cry and complain would be to claim that I have no caring Father who directs my life. My life holds no compromise and my heart is totally His. What a beautiful place to be. He has given me peace through acceptance. I don't need to be promised health or marriage or any dreams come true. All I need is Him. Every part of me is captivated by Christ...and yet there is such liberty and security in this.
I wish I could shout it from the roof-tops! I wish I could convey the sweetness of being totally taken over by Christ. There is pain when heart strings are severed – but it's worth it. You know the glowing joy you see in newly weds? That's how I feel.
I've been denied so much, separated from my desires, given trial after trial, shut doors everywhere I turn.....and then when left crying I looked up and there was Jesus. I have Someone who loves me without selfish motivation. He denies what would sully His best plan for me...I am being protected and cherished...set apart for a purpose. Suddenly I see myself as He sees me – a treasure. How could anyone not be thrilled and head over heels in love with such a One as Jesus?
Suddenly it doesn't matter where He takes me, if I ever heal, if my future man comes in the next twenty years, if I am left alone in my convictions, or if all my ambitious fall away.
I have Jesus.
“When you wish, and by every means, endeavor, to be well, and yet remain ill – then say, 'Thy will be done.' When you undertake something, and your undertaking does not succeed, say, 'Thy will be done'. When you do good to others, and they repay you with evil, say, 'Thy will be done'. ...Do not become irritated when anything is not done in accordance with your will, but learn to submit in everything to the Will of the Heavenly Father.” - Father John (Joy and Strength, 203)