Complete and Content

Spiritual Lessons

This is a post by guest writer Jonah Kolb, that was originally posted on a private writing club.  I hope it blesses you as much as it did me.

Complete and Content 

I recently attended the wedding of childhood friend.  It was a wonderful godly wedding, but as I watched the ceremony it was very surreal to see the first of 'younger set', my age group, get married.

  As I see a lot of friends getting married and starting families, some of them not that much older than me, it's become more of a reality in life. It's a big issue and one that I've had a lot of conversations about it with friends recently, and thought about it a lot.

  Actually it's more than a big issue. It's huge. It's most likely the second most important decision you will make in your life. It's a step that should not be undertaken lightly, and I would like to share some of my thoughts on it, and some of the problems I see.

 The first is that it can be too much of an objective. Okay, let me elaborate before writing me off :)
  

Marriage is a huge priority for many, maybe most, young Christians, and while it is a good goal, I believe it can be gone about in the wrong way. It seems to me that so much of what is done and said by by young singles is motivated by infatuation or attraction (I hesitate to call it love) to someone of the opposite gender. It seems like there's always a hidden or ulterior motive, something that is ever at the back of their mind and honestly, that really bothers me. It's a sign of obsession. It's almost as if it is the ultimate goal of life to find someone you 'love' and spend time with them. Their entire focus is on this one part of life, which is beginning to boarder on idolatry.

  Marriage is a wonderful gift of God, but it is not the foremost goal or command to Christians. God's love is shown in many ways, not just in marriage. I know that sounds silly to put it that way, but it seems like some people almost think that way.  As I see people around me rushing to get married, I cringe. 

  God absolutely has to come first. This isn't just something to say because it sounds spiritual. Let me explain:

  You always hear about how marriage 'completes' you, your 'other half' etc.  I know this may not carry much weight coming from someone who's not married, but I'm just sharing what I've learned  from those older than me and what I've personally observed.

  Many are looking for marriage as a fix-all, the ultimate key to all of life's problems. They are not content with their circumstances, their place in life, how they feel etc. though they may not realize it, they think the right person is going to compensate for being discontented with their life. They want someone to be the missing piece of their soul.

"They want someone to be the missing piece of their soul..."

  Here's where it all ties in. You need to go into marriage as a complete, whole person already. Saying that someone completes you sounds romantic, but marrying and expecting your spouse to be everything and fix everything, isn't love. It's unfair. It's an unfair expectation and will be burden that you are laying on the shoulders of the other party.  

 
  Am I saying that marriage does not change you? No. Am I saying that marriage won't add to your happiness? Of course not. Obviously we will always be learning and growing, but you need to be a full person. The Bible says these two shall be one flesh, not these halves shall be one whole.

  You can't go into marriage as half a person, and expect them to fix you. No one should have to have that responsibility forced on them. That's not romance, it's desire.

  Ephesians 5:25 says, 'Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;' 

Christ gave himself for the church. He didn't take, He gave. Loving like Christ loved the church is pretty big. We love Him because He first loved us. To love like Christ loved the church is to give love that is undeserved and not returned. 

Ephesians 5:33 says, 'Nevertheless let very one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.'

 Both of these verses show pretty clearly that marriage is giving from both sides. I know we all know that already, but it never really comes into the picture when that person comes into the scene. It's all about how we feel about them, and what we think of them, how they make us feel.
  

My personal opinion, and I may be wrong, is that you won't be content to be married until your content to be single.

"...you won't be content to be married until your content to be single." 

  Let me explain. Getting back to my original point. God has to come first. If you cannot be satisfied in a relationship with God, a perfect savior, who knows you better than you know yourself, sacrificed everything for you while you despised Him, and loves you unconditionally, no matter what; how will you ever be content with a flawed mortal human being?

  If God isn't enough for you, no spouse, no matter how great their personality is, no matter how smart they are, or how loving, will be enough for you.

  Does God use marriage in your life to teach you things and better help you understand His love? Yes, I believe He does, but that said, I don't believe that marriage completes you. Jesus Christ completes you.

  

'Acquaint now thyself with Him, and be at peace: thereby good shall come unto thee.'

    Job 22:21

  'If any man can to Me, and hate not his father, and his mother, and his wife, and children, and brethren, and sister, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.'

    Luke 14:26

  'Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.'

    Proverbs 4:23 

  'Casting down imaginations, and every high thing exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;'

    II :Corinthians 10:5

Related Posts:

Biblical Womanhood 

Keeping Our Heart with Diligence 

Temptation 

Purity of Heart

Spiritual Lessons

Please be advised, some of the information shared in this post may not be appropriate for all ages. 

Purity of Heart

Over the past months, I had the opportunity of attending two  weddings. Both were beautiful in their own way. Both of which were 'Christians'. Both of these brides wore beautiful white dresses. And neither of these couples had compromised their purity in a physical act of sexuality. But, one of these couples stood out far above the other in radiant purity. And I'd like to tell you why. I'd like to hopefully explain in words- what I was able to see. 

Purity is more than the physical act of sexual contact. It is more than giving away your first kiss. It is even more than holding a guys hand or staring into his eyes. Purity begins in our hearts. It sounds so simple, but it really is true. Purity is a heart issue, not necessarily just a physical issue. In one of the training classes I've been taking recently for a Crisis Pregnancy Center, which includes Christian counseling, I had to take a class on "healthy sexuality". And without going into much of the details, I was amazed and shocked by one of things I read. 

"The brain has been called the largest sex organ in the body because sexual excitement is centered in the brain and begins in the brain even before the body is physically aroused." 

I honestly did not know that the brain was quite so involved. This should tell us something about the importance of our thought life. Of how incredibly important it is where we keep our minds and our thoughts, and our imaginations. Of where we allow them to go and what we choose to dwell on. Just as right thoughts can be nourished in our minds towards holiness and purity and godliness, so can wrong thoughts be nourished to our own destruction, and impurity, and disobedience. 

Our thoughts are incredibly important and it certainly matters where our minds wander. The Lord cares about our thoughts. Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:" Where we allow our thoughts to dwell, says something about us. I am not talking, however, about the thoughts that suddenly come into our minds that were completely out of our control. The enemy will often attack us in our minds. But it is the thoughts that we nourish and keep and do not give over to Christ, that we are responsible for.

The battle for purity begins in our minds long before the actual physical temptation arrives. If you'll freely give away your purity by feeding evil thoughts and imaginations, you will just as easily give that same purity away by your physical actions. Don't fool yourself by saying that a habit of giving into wicked imaginations will not effect your ability to shut the door when physical temptation actually comes knocking. The thoughts we nurture, are the same thoughts we will eventually act on. 

II Corinthians 10:5 says, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"

"That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness." (Ephesians 4:22-24)

We are told to "Cast down imaginations", and to be "renewed in the spirit of your mind". Sometimes this means, choosing not to think on something that seems enjoyable, or even, innocent. To cast down. To push away. To give up. To turn our imaginations over to Christ. To allow the thoughts in our minds to be so, that we are comfortable with Him joining us. And Christ gives us His standard. 

" Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians 4:8)

So...back to those two weddings. One was the wedding of a dear friend of mine. She, the bride, looked beautiful in her modest white dress and her long hair pinned back so eloquently. Her smile was pretty much contagious and I've never seen someone "glow" quite like she did. But it was even more than that. She was a pure bride, in the very meaning of the word. Christ shined through her and He was evident, not only in her life, but even in her eyes. This coupled courted. They kept close accountability. And they waited until their wedding day to share their first kiss. It was precious and very sweet. And I respect them both for it. 

The other wedding, honestly, kind of made me sad. Christ was not so evidently seen. This couple did not have accountability in the same way. They also did not save their first kiss. And while they were still pure in an actual physical sense, it was obvious that they were quite familiar and comfortable with kissing and touching and caressing each other already. There just wasn't the same level of purity. And it felt like a cheap substitute for what a Christian wedding is supposed to be, what it is supposed to portray, which is Christ.

So... purity. It begins in our hearts. It is cultivated and protected through our minds. It is revealed by our desires. Are our desires pure? 

Proverbs 11:23 says, "The desire of the righteous is only good:" 

And Proverbs 18:1 says, "Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom."

"Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." (Psalms 73:25-26)

Purity is Christ in us. Purity is allowing the desire of Christ's righteousness and holiness to penetrate every area of our lives and every area of our emotional, mental, and physical person. And purity is possible, in the highest, most God honoring, and beautiful meaning of the word.

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7)

The Dream You Hold

Spiritual Lessons 

The Dream You Hold 

Thoughts and Encouragement on Purity

"He loves me, he loves me not...he loves me, he loves me not...”

Did you ever learn as a little girl the silly plucking of flower petals to see if a guy “liked” you? Of course it proved nothing and only resulted in a naked flower. But today, as young women we tend to still “pluck petals” in our imagination. Strong feelings follow. We battle between our emotions, our desire for purity, and guilt if we've fallen short. A constant battle for even us Christian girls.

Many of us Christian singles hold onto a hope of a certain someone. I would like to offer some encouragement in this.

Firstly, I want to hearten you in the fact that it is quite human and natural to admire someone. Most likely you cannot manually change your feelings. You can't help but be attracted to him. It's okay. We don't have to beat ourselves up because we are attracted to someone.

If this man is your future man, you don't have to worry – God is a perfect orchestrator. If He handles the universe, He can handle the details and timing of your relationships.

Our attraction can be viewed as something to keep ourselves cheerfully dependent on Jesus. This guy is a cross in a way. As with any cross we let Jesus do the carrying. We simply accept it.

With Him as our head, we have someone to keep us accountable. We can safely trust Him with our heart and tell Him when those strong feelings come up. He is our outlet. We can pour those feelings into His hands and He will deal with them. He will take every emotion, the natural, the evil or the innocent.

We can also remember, that Jesus loves that man more than we do. We can pray for him and trust Jesus to guide him and not have to feel anxious over anything. We don't have any responsibility in nurturing our relationship with that person. If we follow Jesus and allow Him to rule our heart, our path will be pure and right and best. Jesus can choose whether or not to allow our relationship to turn into anything deeper than friendship. We don't have to woo or prove or “reel in” or keep track or make sure of anything! It's ultimately Jesus' responsibility, and secondly it will be the man's responsibility to initiate anything.  

Secondly, what is our part? To follow Jesus. To remain faithful in what He has called us to do today. We are on an adventure of singlehood right now and He is just as involved and interested in it as in our future marriage. Life isn't waiting...we're living it right now! And He has a plan for our 'right now'. He desires to use us. Are we distracted or are we totally willing and running after Him?

It's okay to have a hope. Without any intentions on your part you may have found yourself suddenly admiring this young man. I understand that you don't want to pine away. To hold your breath. To be silly or giddy. You want Jesus first in your life.

Perfect. That's all He needs. He can do the rest.

This young man is not ours. Even if he is our future spouse, his isn't ours yet. If our heart has selfishly stamped “mine” on anything or anyone we can be sure we've taken our focus off of Him. There's freedom from the tyranny of self in all aspects, not just in this. Just as with every other thing in this earth, this young man belongs to Jesus. Even if Jesus promised him to you. He is still Jesus' son, and we have no right to a child of God. Even if he someday is ours, he will still be a gift... Even if this man is given to you someday, he truly will still belong to the Lord. Acknowledging that fact is freeing.

We also must remember we aren't fighting our hope, and ignoring it or telling ourselves we must throw it away, but simply desiring His will over our own and surrendering our dream to Him.  

  And lastly, what if the Lord does take him away? Hasn't He taken away things before in our lives? Though there was temporary bleeding and pain didn't the joy of being fully His far outweigh the ache? The same in this dear dream. We don't need to fear where He will take us or what He plans to do with this young man. It's so natural to tremble at the thought of pain. If Jesus told us “No...this man is never going to be yours” it would be painful, but the sacrifice does not need to be feared. You and I both know that if He asked there would be no other alternative in our heart. We could burn our hope on the alter. He would provide the grace.

No rival in our heart. No possession. He might ask us to make an Issac sacrifice. He might not. Either way we can trust Him.

True love would allow any baser love to be extinguished. To hope that our future will include this man is not evil, but we also know that true love for him would want God's best for this man over any dream we might hold.

Over analyzing and cross examining our intentions and emotions never helps. We can simply accept it. But we shouldn't only accept our cross but insist that it works our death. It isn't really a cross if we're unwilling to be crucified and completely yielded. Reassuringly, we will not be left hanging there forever. After any spiritual death always comes a resurrection. We don't have to fear. We know He loves us and will work all together for our good – whether that includes this man or not.

Hold up your hands unclenched – palms up and wide. Laying there is your dream, a small and shining hope. You can't rid yourself of it but you don't have to claim it either. If He asks, you will place it on the alter and burn it permanently. Humbly bow and hold it up before Him. He will decide. Even if He doesn't answer for years. You are exactly where He wants you. The young man is only benefited by your true love and prayers for him. Your relationship with Jesus will deepen. It's okay to hold a dream... but with hands opened wide.