I Love Him....I Love Him Not

Spiritual Lessons

I Love Him....I Love Him Not

It's happened to all of us.  At least once.  By the time we are young women, we've all had it happen:  He stands out in a crowd.  You enjoy almost everything about him.  His sudden presence gives you butterflies.  You desire to know his preferences, his dislikes, his opinion.  You didn't plan it, but every time he's there, you find yourself talking to him or being near him, and when that wasn't an option, you were talking about him. 

As Christians with high moral standards, it's easy to wonder at ourselves after experiencing these feelings.  Where in the world did our common sense go?  Don't we know better than this?  And we end up apologizing to God, making commitments or resolutions, reprimanding our lustful flesh, and failing the very next time we come in contact with the guy.  And so begins the bang-your-head-against-the-wall-routine.

“True love doesn't have to be void of these emotions...”     

It's inevitable to have these “moments” come up sometimes.  You look up and he's smiling at you.  He walks into the room and you get butterflies.  You notice when he compliments you.  You like him and it's just a plain fact.  Nothing in the world could change it.  

 Love doesn't deny the existence of these real feelings.  True love doesn't have to be void of these emotions before it can be true love.  But we have to realize that emotions and feelings in-and-of -themselves are NOT love. They are feelings, and emotions. (Profound, I know!). And if we accept them as such and continue on in our life we can rest assured -- we haven't sinned and haven't done anyone a disservice. 

 If we take that emotion and dwell on it and invest ourselves into it, and allow it to dictate us, then we are obsessing in an emotion and allowing it to ferment into infatuation and that certainly is, in the very least, a disservice to ourselves. It's also taking advantage of someone at the expense of our fleshly satisfaction. Doesn't really sound like love. It can't be. It's the opposite of love, because love seeks not her own. Enjoying someone purely for our fulfillment is selfishness. Which is a sin. 

Conclusion: If we like someone and have these feelings, it is not a sin.  

What we do with these feelings is imperative.  
If we truly love this man we will be so concerned for his best, his purity, and God's will for him, it will trump our emotions.  
If we "love him not", we will unregrettably choose to revel in these emotions and satisfy our lusts at his expense.  
The question of whether these emotions are okay or not really shouldn't haunt us.  We should be more concerned of whether we "love him, or love him not".

 "So, God, here I am. Here's my heart. Here's the emotions and feelings. Here's my love. So baby and immature. Temptation shows me who I am. And I'm a selfish human being. But you in your love will not allow it to exceed your strength in me. I am open to the ministry of Jesus. Here I am, open and bare. Be my Love, be my all. You over anyone else. I'm renouncing me and my self, and my infatuation...even when it's just a tiny root and bud. No, I won't accept it. It's wrong. But I am not condemned in the fact when I notice. I'm not even afraid to smile at the fact. But there I stop. I give it to you. I refuse to pamper the thrill it gives me. I lay it down to rest. You do what you will."

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What to do With a Helpless Heart?

Feelings: I love him! I know I do. There's times when I look up and he's smiling at me I feel the world move. He is sweet, and kind...

Conscience: Whoa! Okay, you need to put on the brakes. Think of your purity. Take every thought captive, remember?

Feelings: Yes! But I can't help it! I go to bed and I lay there and he comes to mind. I pray, and he comes to mind. I wake up, and he comes to mind. I sing, talk, watch movies, work....and he comes to mind.

Conscience: Okay, take a deep breath, you can get through this. Focus on other stuff, something worth doing. Run after Jesus, and someday the right man will come knocking at your heart's door.

Feelings: But what do I do with myself? When we're together I want to enjoy him. I enjoy his friendship. What about the times I get butterflies?

What to do when you find yourself attracted to someone? There is a constant war between the rational conscientious side of you, and the powerful emotional side. What if that someone isn't just a nice guy you happened to feel a twinge of attraction for. What about the godly young man you'd actually consider marrying?

I just wanted to encourage you, that you can remain pure, while still having those feelings and appreciating the godly young man. Someday God will equip this young man with a helpmeet. In His timing. And if God hasn't opened that door for you, it means this young man doesn't need you. Not now, not yet, and perhaps never. Be content to be this young man's friend! That's exactly all you should be, and all He has thus far allowed you to be. We are doing our brothers in Christ a disservice when we try to move forward in a deeper relationship. Love doesn't vaunt herself, doesn't seek her own.

Can we enjoy this person's company? Certainly! It's actually inevitable. When you are attracted to someone, everything about them is enjoyable. And it's okay. You can enjoy them in purity. But any closeness, learning of their heart, fellowship, even friendship must be directed by Jesus. We don't need to initiate anything. If our future includes this man, Jesus wills see to it. Love doesn't give to get. So next time we interact, we should be alert to our motives. Do we tell them we respect them to encourage or to spark a fire? What is behind the smile we give them?

But what about those times when we innocently look up and find him smiling at us? What about those moments you feel “butterflies”? The moments when you feel you could wrap your heart up in a box and give it away...what then?

To react with guilt is only self inflicted abuse. But then to swing to the other extreme and revel in it and look for, or initiate, that experience again is taking matters into our own hands and reacting selfishly. To decide to ignore their existence or your emotion's existence is foolish and impractical, but then to focus on that person to the point that our duties and friendships are neglected or halfheartedly invested in, is also wrong.

There is a balance! There is a way to love this person, even with all the emotions, the right way. We humbly accept the feelings and give it to Jesus, by letting Him know, and letting Him dictate. To deny ourselves the reveling in the feelings is to think highly of him, and a lesson in love. We respect him too much to give in to our emotions. Do we honestly want to gain attraction by mere flirtatious acts? Of course not! We want him to fall in love with us for who we are, not what we give.

He isn't ours. Even if somehow Jesus promised him to us, he still isn't ours. We know this, but what do our actions show? We might not think we are being possessive, but we should act with this young man, how we'd hope other girls would treat him. Why? He doesn't belong to them either! If we stirred up desires in a man that were more than brotherly, we have caused him to lust! It doesn't matter if he will someday be your man. Today isn't someday – he isn't yours anymore than the other girls in his life.

The emotions will be there. Don't ignore or embrace. Acknowledge them but give them to Someone who can deal with them in righteousness. It does work. It can be done. And if that other person is also trying to treat you with all purity it becomes a mutual respect and love that goes beyond feelings and emotions.

This is something I recently felt encouraged in, and I hope I was able to convey it to you clearly so your heart might also be blessed.

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Spiritual Lessons

Please be advised, some of the information shared in this post may not be appropriate for all ages. 

Purity of Heart

Over the past months, I had the opportunity of attending two  weddings. Both were beautiful in their own way. Both of which were 'Christians'. Both of these brides wore beautiful white dresses. And neither of these couples had compromised their purity in a physical act of sexuality. But, one of these couples stood out far above the other in radiant purity. And I'd like to tell you why. I'd like to hopefully explain in words- what I was able to see. 

Purity is more than the physical act of sexual contact. It is more than giving away your first kiss. It is even more than holding a guys hand or staring into his eyes. Purity begins in our hearts. It sounds so simple, but it really is true. Purity is a heart issue, not necessarily just a physical issue. In one of the training classes I've been taking recently for a Crisis Pregnancy Center, which includes Christian counseling, I had to take a class on "healthy sexuality". And without going into much of the details, I was amazed and shocked by one of things I read. 

"The brain has been called the largest sex organ in the body because sexual excitement is centered in the brain and begins in the brain even before the body is physically aroused." 

I honestly did not know that the brain was quite so involved. This should tell us something about the importance of our thought life. Of how incredibly important it is where we keep our minds and our thoughts, and our imaginations. Of where we allow them to go and what we choose to dwell on. Just as right thoughts can be nourished in our minds towards holiness and purity and godliness, so can wrong thoughts be nourished to our own destruction, and impurity, and disobedience. 

Our thoughts are incredibly important and it certainly matters where our minds wander. The Lord cares about our thoughts. Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:" Where we allow our thoughts to dwell, says something about us. I am not talking, however, about the thoughts that suddenly come into our minds that were completely out of our control. The enemy will often attack us in our minds. But it is the thoughts that we nourish and keep and do not give over to Christ, that we are responsible for.

The battle for purity begins in our minds long before the actual physical temptation arrives. If you'll freely give away your purity by feeding evil thoughts and imaginations, you will just as easily give that same purity away by your physical actions. Don't fool yourself by saying that a habit of giving into wicked imaginations will not effect your ability to shut the door when physical temptation actually comes knocking. The thoughts we nurture, are the same thoughts we will eventually act on. 

II Corinthians 10:5 says, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"

"That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness." (Ephesians 4:22-24)

We are told to "Cast down imaginations", and to be "renewed in the spirit of your mind". Sometimes this means, choosing not to think on something that seems enjoyable, or even, innocent. To cast down. To push away. To give up. To turn our imaginations over to Christ. To allow the thoughts in our minds to be so, that we are comfortable with Him joining us. And Christ gives us His standard. 

" Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians 4:8)

So...back to those two weddings. One was the wedding of a dear friend of mine. She, the bride, looked beautiful in her modest white dress and her long hair pinned back so eloquently. Her smile was pretty much contagious and I've never seen someone "glow" quite like she did. But it was even more than that. She was a pure bride, in the very meaning of the word. Christ shined through her and He was evident, not only in her life, but even in her eyes. This coupled courted. They kept close accountability. And they waited until their wedding day to share their first kiss. It was precious and very sweet. And I respect them both for it. 

The other wedding, honestly, kind of made me sad. Christ was not so evidently seen. This couple did not have accountability in the same way. They also did not save their first kiss. And while they were still pure in an actual physical sense, it was obvious that they were quite familiar and comfortable with kissing and touching and caressing each other already. There just wasn't the same level of purity. And it felt like a cheap substitute for what a Christian wedding is supposed to be, what it is supposed to portray, which is Christ.

So... purity. It begins in our hearts. It is cultivated and protected through our minds. It is revealed by our desires. Are our desires pure? 

Proverbs 11:23 says, "The desire of the righteous is only good:" 

And Proverbs 18:1 says, "Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom."

"Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." (Psalms 73:25-26)

Purity is Christ in us. Purity is allowing the desire of Christ's righteousness and holiness to penetrate every area of our lives and every area of our emotional, mental, and physical person. And purity is possible, in the highest, most God honoring, and beautiful meaning of the word.

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7)