Spiritual Lessons
What
to do With a Helpless Heart?
Feelings:
I love him! I know I do. There's times when I look up and he's
smiling at me I feel the world move. He is sweet, and kind...
Conscience:
Whoa! Okay, you need to put on the brakes. Think of your purity.
Take every thought captive, remember?
Feelings:
Yes! But I can't help it! I go to bed and I lay there and he comes
to mind. I pray, and he comes to mind. I wake up, and he comes to
mind. I sing, talk, watch movies, work....and he comes to mind.
Conscience:
Okay, take a deep breath, you can get through this. Focus on other
stuff, something worth doing. Run after Jesus, and someday the right
man will come knocking at your heart's door.
Feelings:
But what do I do with myself? When we're together I want to enjoy
him. I enjoy his friendship. What about the times I get
butterflies?
What
to do when you find yourself attracted to someone? There is a
constant war between the rational conscientious side of you, and the
powerful emotional side. What if that someone isn't just a nice guy
you happened to feel a twinge of attraction for. What about the
godly young man you'd actually consider marrying?
I
just wanted to encourage you, that you can remain pure, while
still having those feelings and appreciating the godly young man.
Someday God will equip this young man with a helpmeet. In His
timing. And if God hasn't opened that door for you, it means this
young man doesn't need you. Not now, not yet, and perhaps never. Be
content to be this young man's friend! That's exactly all you should
be, and all He has thus far allowed you to be. We are doing our
brothers in Christ a disservice when we try to move forward in a
deeper relationship. Love doesn't vaunt herself, doesn't seek her
own.
Can
we enjoy this person's company? Certainly! It's actually
inevitable. When you are attracted to someone, everything about them
is enjoyable. And it's okay. You can enjoy them in purity. But any
closeness, learning of their heart, fellowship, even friendship must
be directed by Jesus. We don't need to initiate anything. If
our future includes this man, Jesus wills see to it. Love doesn't
give to get. So next time we interact, we should be alert to our
motives. Do we tell them we respect them to encourage or to spark a
fire? What is behind the smile we give them?
But
what about those times when we innocently look up and find him
smiling at us? What about those moments you feel “butterflies”?
The moments when you feel you could wrap your heart up in a box and
give it away...what then?
To
react with guilt is only self inflicted abuse. But then to swing to
the other extreme and revel in it and look for, or initiate, that
experience again is taking matters into our own hands and reacting
selfishly. To decide to ignore their existence or your emotion's
existence is foolish and impractical, but then to focus on that
person to the point that our duties and friendships are neglected or
halfheartedly invested in, is also wrong.
There
is a balance! There is a way to love this person, even with all the
emotions, the right way. We humbly accept the feelings and give it
to Jesus, by letting Him know, and letting Him dictate. To deny
ourselves the reveling in the feelings is to think highly of him, and
a lesson in love. We respect him too much to give in to our
emotions. Do we honestly want to gain attraction by mere flirtatious
acts? Of course not! We want him to fall in love with us for who we
are, not what we give.
He
isn't ours. Even if somehow Jesus promised him to us, he still isn't
ours. We know this, but what do our actions show? We might not
think we are being possessive, but we should act with this young man,
how we'd hope other girls would treat him. Why? He doesn't belong
to them either! If we stirred up desires in a man that were more
than brotherly, we have caused him to lust! It doesn't matter if he
will someday be your man. Today isn't someday – he isn't yours
anymore than the other girls in his life.
The
emotions will be there. Don't ignore or embrace. Acknowledge them
but give them to Someone who can deal with them in righteousness. It
does work. It can be done. And if that other person is also trying
to treat you with all purity it becomes a mutual respect and love
that goes beyond feelings and emotions.
This
is something I recently felt encouraged in, and I hope I was able to
convey it to you clearly so your heart might also be blessed.
Related Posts:
This is well said, Toni. I think you expressed in words that 'battle' that rages between our conscience and our feelings. I often say that girls are so 'weak' in this area, and yet, that doesn't limit Christ's strength in us to help us 'cast down our imaginations'. I loved how you pointed out that 'ignoring these feelings or telling yourself they don't exist' is foolish. I needed that. :) Too often my approach is 'denial'. And this isn't giving anything to the Lord to deal with for me.
ReplyDeleteThanks Liss. I re-read this...and I wish I had wrote it in a more personal way....not so "preachy"...because it is something from my heart. I have a habit of "teaching" when I really want to share. But glad it was a blessing to you. Love you.
DeleteVery nice, Toni! so thoughtful and wise...I hope Taylor can read this. I think she would appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Auntie Donna. :)
DeleteThank you, Toni, this was SO good! It was truly a blessing to me. One part that really stuck out to me was 'to act with this young man, how we'd hope other girls would treat him'. That is such a good way to look at it, and important to keep in mind. Thank you! ~Katie~
ReplyDeleteThanks Katie for your encouraging comment. Yes that thought has been convicting to me as well. So thankful that this was a help.
DeleteLoved it Toni,great job! Really encouraging for sure. Thanks for sharing. Love and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteTasha
I'm glad Tasha. Thanks for your prayers. I pray for you. :)
DeleteThank you for sharing this Toni. It was very helpful. :) You said in a previous comment that you thought maybe it was too "preachy". I didn't feel this way at all, just to let you know. It was a blessing. I also really appreciated how you pointed out- "but we should act with this young man, how we'd hope other girls would treat him." I think this is a really good rule to follow in pretty much any situation. And also- "Love doesn't give to get. So next time we interact, we should be alert to our motives." What a lot of girls call "love" can be just selfish emotions. This was awesome. And I needed it. Thanks for sharing dear. :)
ReplyDeleteSo true Nay. I know that even in my own life what I would have labeled "love" was actually selfishness. And love has nothing to do with selfishness! Amazing that love's counterfeit would be it's polar opposite! :) Love is so much more....so beautiful, and yet sacrificial. It's a challenge to be balanced in this area...where you're not beating yourself up for inevitable emotions, but also not allowing yourself to be swallowed up in infatuation and selfishly taking and dreaming and possessing. It's shocking when we allow God to point out in our lives what is genuine love for someone, and what is enjoyable yet shallow emotions.
DeleteWhen we realize that we want their good over our own hopes, when we know we could let them go, even with heartache and yet humble surrender, when we realize they don't need us, and we don't need them, that they are God's children and we have no claim, that it would be only a privilege to be their helpmeet, not a right, when we know that God could not only take them away but also give them to someone else -- and yet we are willing to endure that, willing to bear silence, to pray and fast for them without their knowledge, to not initiate feelings, and to guard their hearts even from ourselves: then we know we have stepped on the outskirts of the incredible journey to learning to love someone. :)
Loved your comment Toni, so true!!!!
DeleteTasha
Loved this. I wish I had seen it as soon as it was posted, so that I could have reflected on it when I found myself grappling with such a situation this past weekend. But it's not too late to read it! And I was greatly encouraged. I want to live for the Savior free from "enjoyable yet shallow emotions" and to learn how to love deeply and genuinely. Much love to all my sisters in Christ reading this page!
ReplyDeleteEmily
Thank you for your honest comment Emily! It's true, it's not too late. Even when our own heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart. So thankful for a God who loves to extend mercy! My heart goes out to you, because I too struggle with these "situations". I didn't write it to condemn but to encourage -- we have a choice, we can be pure, even in the middle of these "battles". I will be praying for you Emily. He is teaching me how to love too. Much love in Christ to you.
ReplyDelete