I Love Him....I Love Him Not

Spiritual Lessons

I Love Him....I Love Him Not

It's happened to all of us.  At least once.  By the time we are young women, we've all had it happen:  He stands out in a crowd.  You enjoy almost everything about him.  His sudden presence gives you butterflies.  You desire to know his preferences, his dislikes, his opinion.  You didn't plan it, but every time he's there, you find yourself talking to him or being near him, and when that wasn't an option, you were talking about him. 

As Christians with high moral standards, it's easy to wonder at ourselves after experiencing these feelings.  Where in the world did our common sense go?  Don't we know better than this?  And we end up apologizing to God, making commitments or resolutions, reprimanding our lustful flesh, and failing the very next time we come in contact with the guy.  And so begins the bang-your-head-against-the-wall-routine.

“True love doesn't have to be void of these emotions...”     

It's inevitable to have these “moments” come up sometimes.  You look up and he's smiling at you.  He walks into the room and you get butterflies.  You notice when he compliments you.  You like him and it's just a plain fact.  Nothing in the world could change it.  

 Love doesn't deny the existence of these real feelings.  True love doesn't have to be void of these emotions before it can be true love.  But we have to realize that emotions and feelings in-and-of -themselves are NOT love. They are feelings, and emotions. (Profound, I know!). And if we accept them as such and continue on in our life we can rest assured -- we haven't sinned and haven't done anyone a disservice. 

 If we take that emotion and dwell on it and invest ourselves into it, and allow it to dictate us, then we are obsessing in an emotion and allowing it to ferment into infatuation and that certainly is, in the very least, a disservice to ourselves. It's also taking advantage of someone at the expense of our fleshly satisfaction. Doesn't really sound like love. It can't be. It's the opposite of love, because love seeks not her own. Enjoying someone purely for our fulfillment is selfishness. Which is a sin. 

Conclusion: If we like someone and have these feelings, it is not a sin.  

What we do with these feelings is imperative.  
If we truly love this man we will be so concerned for his best, his purity, and God's will for him, it will trump our emotions.  
If we "love him not", we will unregrettably choose to revel in these emotions and satisfy our lusts at his expense.  
The question of whether these emotions are okay or not really shouldn't haunt us.  We should be more concerned of whether we "love him, or love him not".

 "So, God, here I am. Here's my heart. Here's the emotions and feelings. Here's my love. So baby and immature. Temptation shows me who I am. And I'm a selfish human being. But you in your love will not allow it to exceed your strength in me. I am open to the ministry of Jesus. Here I am, open and bare. Be my Love, be my all. You over anyone else. I'm renouncing me and my self, and my infatuation...even when it's just a tiny root and bud. No, I won't accept it. It's wrong. But I am not condemned in the fact when I notice. I'm not even afraid to smile at the fact. But there I stop. I give it to you. I refuse to pamper the thrill it gives me. I lay it down to rest. You do what you will."

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Purity Without Guilt  (by Toni H.)



Complete and Content  (by Jonah K.)


The Heart of the Matter (by Lynea B.)

What to do with a Helpless Heart?

Spiritual Lessons

What to do With a Helpless Heart?

Feelings: I love him! I know I do. There's times when I look up and he's smiling at me I feel the world move. He is sweet, and kind...

Conscience: Whoa! Okay, you need to put on the brakes. Think of your purity. Take every thought captive, remember?

Feelings: Yes! But I can't help it! I go to bed and I lay there and he comes to mind. I pray, and he comes to mind. I wake up, and he comes to mind. I sing, talk, watch movies, work....and he comes to mind.

Conscience: Okay, take a deep breath, you can get through this. Focus on other stuff, something worth doing. Run after Jesus, and someday the right man will come knocking at your heart's door.

Feelings: But what do I do with myself? When we're together I want to enjoy him. I enjoy his friendship. What about the times I get butterflies?

What to do when you find yourself attracted to someone? There is a constant war between the rational conscientious side of you, and the powerful emotional side. What if that someone isn't just a nice guy you happened to feel a twinge of attraction for. What about the godly young man you'd actually consider marrying?

I just wanted to encourage you, that you can remain pure, while still having those feelings and appreciating the godly young man. Someday God will equip this young man with a helpmeet. In His timing. And if God hasn't opened that door for you, it means this young man doesn't need you. Not now, not yet, and perhaps never. Be content to be this young man's friend! That's exactly all you should be, and all He has thus far allowed you to be. We are doing our brothers in Christ a disservice when we try to move forward in a deeper relationship. Love doesn't vaunt herself, doesn't seek her own.

Can we enjoy this person's company? Certainly! It's actually inevitable. When you are attracted to someone, everything about them is enjoyable. And it's okay. You can enjoy them in purity. But any closeness, learning of their heart, fellowship, even friendship must be directed by Jesus. We don't need to initiate anything. If our future includes this man, Jesus wills see to it. Love doesn't give to get. So next time we interact, we should be alert to our motives. Do we tell them we respect them to encourage or to spark a fire? What is behind the smile we give them?

But what about those times when we innocently look up and find him smiling at us? What about those moments you feel “butterflies”? The moments when you feel you could wrap your heart up in a box and give it away...what then?

To react with guilt is only self inflicted abuse. But then to swing to the other extreme and revel in it and look for, or initiate, that experience again is taking matters into our own hands and reacting selfishly. To decide to ignore their existence or your emotion's existence is foolish and impractical, but then to focus on that person to the point that our duties and friendships are neglected or halfheartedly invested in, is also wrong.

There is a balance! There is a way to love this person, even with all the emotions, the right way. We humbly accept the feelings and give it to Jesus, by letting Him know, and letting Him dictate. To deny ourselves the reveling in the feelings is to think highly of him, and a lesson in love. We respect him too much to give in to our emotions. Do we honestly want to gain attraction by mere flirtatious acts? Of course not! We want him to fall in love with us for who we are, not what we give.

He isn't ours. Even if somehow Jesus promised him to us, he still isn't ours. We know this, but what do our actions show? We might not think we are being possessive, but we should act with this young man, how we'd hope other girls would treat him. Why? He doesn't belong to them either! If we stirred up desires in a man that were more than brotherly, we have caused him to lust! It doesn't matter if he will someday be your man. Today isn't someday – he isn't yours anymore than the other girls in his life.

The emotions will be there. Don't ignore or embrace. Acknowledge them but give them to Someone who can deal with them in righteousness. It does work. It can be done. And if that other person is also trying to treat you with all purity it becomes a mutual respect and love that goes beyond feelings and emotions.

This is something I recently felt encouraged in, and I hope I was able to convey it to you clearly so your heart might also be blessed.

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Spiritual Lessons 

The Dream You Hold 

Thoughts and Encouragement on Purity

"He loves me, he loves me not...he loves me, he loves me not...”

Did you ever learn as a little girl the silly plucking of flower petals to see if a guy “liked” you? Of course it proved nothing and only resulted in a naked flower. But today, as young women we tend to still “pluck petals” in our imagination. Strong feelings follow. We battle between our emotions, our desire for purity, and guilt if we've fallen short. A constant battle for even us Christian girls.

Many of us Christian singles hold onto a hope of a certain someone. I would like to offer some encouragement in this.

Firstly, I want to hearten you in the fact that it is quite human and natural to admire someone. Most likely you cannot manually change your feelings. You can't help but be attracted to him. It's okay. We don't have to beat ourselves up because we are attracted to someone.

If this man is your future man, you don't have to worry – God is a perfect orchestrator. If He handles the universe, He can handle the details and timing of your relationships.

Our attraction can be viewed as something to keep ourselves cheerfully dependent on Jesus. This guy is a cross in a way. As with any cross we let Jesus do the carrying. We simply accept it.

With Him as our head, we have someone to keep us accountable. We can safely trust Him with our heart and tell Him when those strong feelings come up. He is our outlet. We can pour those feelings into His hands and He will deal with them. He will take every emotion, the natural, the evil or the innocent.

We can also remember, that Jesus loves that man more than we do. We can pray for him and trust Jesus to guide him and not have to feel anxious over anything. We don't have any responsibility in nurturing our relationship with that person. If we follow Jesus and allow Him to rule our heart, our path will be pure and right and best. Jesus can choose whether or not to allow our relationship to turn into anything deeper than friendship. We don't have to woo or prove or “reel in” or keep track or make sure of anything! It's ultimately Jesus' responsibility, and secondly it will be the man's responsibility to initiate anything.  

Secondly, what is our part? To follow Jesus. To remain faithful in what He has called us to do today. We are on an adventure of singlehood right now and He is just as involved and interested in it as in our future marriage. Life isn't waiting...we're living it right now! And He has a plan for our 'right now'. He desires to use us. Are we distracted or are we totally willing and running after Him?

It's okay to have a hope. Without any intentions on your part you may have found yourself suddenly admiring this young man. I understand that you don't want to pine away. To hold your breath. To be silly or giddy. You want Jesus first in your life.

Perfect. That's all He needs. He can do the rest.

This young man is not ours. Even if he is our future spouse, his isn't ours yet. If our heart has selfishly stamped “mine” on anything or anyone we can be sure we've taken our focus off of Him. There's freedom from the tyranny of self in all aspects, not just in this. Just as with every other thing in this earth, this young man belongs to Jesus. Even if Jesus promised him to you. He is still Jesus' son, and we have no right to a child of God. Even if he someday is ours, he will still be a gift... Even if this man is given to you someday, he truly will still belong to the Lord. Acknowledging that fact is freeing.

We also must remember we aren't fighting our hope, and ignoring it or telling ourselves we must throw it away, but simply desiring His will over our own and surrendering our dream to Him.  

  And lastly, what if the Lord does take him away? Hasn't He taken away things before in our lives? Though there was temporary bleeding and pain didn't the joy of being fully His far outweigh the ache? The same in this dear dream. We don't need to fear where He will take us or what He plans to do with this young man. It's so natural to tremble at the thought of pain. If Jesus told us “No...this man is never going to be yours” it would be painful, but the sacrifice does not need to be feared. You and I both know that if He asked there would be no other alternative in our heart. We could burn our hope on the alter. He would provide the grace.

No rival in our heart. No possession. He might ask us to make an Issac sacrifice. He might not. Either way we can trust Him.

True love would allow any baser love to be extinguished. To hope that our future will include this man is not evil, but we also know that true love for him would want God's best for this man over any dream we might hold.

Over analyzing and cross examining our intentions and emotions never helps. We can simply accept it. But we shouldn't only accept our cross but insist that it works our death. It isn't really a cross if we're unwilling to be crucified and completely yielded. Reassuringly, we will not be left hanging there forever. After any spiritual death always comes a resurrection. We don't have to fear. We know He loves us and will work all together for our good – whether that includes this man or not.

Hold up your hands unclenched – palms up and wide. Laying there is your dream, a small and shining hope. You can't rid yourself of it but you don't have to claim it either. If He asks, you will place it on the alter and burn it permanently. Humbly bow and hold it up before Him. He will decide. Even if He doesn't answer for years. You are exactly where He wants you. The young man is only benefited by your true love and prayers for him. Your relationship with Jesus will deepen. It's okay to hold a dream... but with hands opened wide. 

Haunted Part II

Spiritual Lessons

Haunted
Part II

Recently I shared with you my thoughts on depression (Starless). And even more recently some lessons I have learned from depression (Haunted Part I).   This is the rest of my lessons.  I hope I can reach at least one person and bless your heart. 

Expressing myself.

I often cannot even pin-point the cause of my depression. There is closure in understanding what is bothering me. I can do this by writing (Express Yourself to Health). It helps me not to give in to bitter thoughts or condemnation. I can share them with Jesus. And through my sharing with Him in the past I've come to realize that I don't have to be stable. He is. It doesn't matter if I don't feel hope – there IS one. (Joel 3:10) Weeping, vulnerably, exposing my heart to Jesus allows him to be a balm to my heart. It allows Him to defend me. And it also brings me to a place where I can choose to be thankful. I've listed my hurts and now can find things to be thankful for.

Reaching out beyond my own need and finding others to lift up.

In His mercy God has given me others that I can relate to and comfort and share with because He has allowed me to travel the dark path of depression. This is a constant comfort of my soul. When I reach out to others and they can confide in me because I too have been where their soul now sinks I realize my pain wasn't in vain. He may be bringing you through this very same place so you can lift someone else up. That others may be healed. Hebrews 12:12-13. Allowing Him to lift me up is a testimony to those who don't believe in Him. (Ps. 4:6-8)

Knowing I have never regretted my nights and tears.

“Sometimes tears are my bread and drink, the dark my table and hopelessness my only company. But how sweet to realize that even in those bitter times He doesn't change and He doesn't forsake. How “normal” it is to cry out “how long Lord?” and “Why Jesus?....Give ear O Shepherd!” How inevitable for Him to come to His child. He knows exactly how long our night will last, even must last. ...My burdens have not been removed but I know that in your mercy you can remove them from my shoulder. I feel like I have been spit out the other side of a grinder. I believe my wounds have definitely left me changed. Scarred yes, but with lessons learned as well. ...Depression doesn't make sense. But I've learned the familiarity of the deep sinking sand of the miry pit and the capability of my Jesus to let me there and rescue me just because He cares.”

– Toni Hutto, March 5^th 2015 entry

Not anxiously battling

Facing my giants is quite different than desperately battling for a good result (sleep, happiness, peace). but quietly accepting the negative (insomnia, melancholy, disturbance) and choosing to recognize it and simply move on is facing these giants and brings peace.

“It is difficult for the unrestored soul to lie down in green pastures as to lie down in barren wastes...Prosperity lies not in the greenness of the pastures, adversity lies not in the barrenness of the wastes; they both lie within. The joyous heart will make all things joyful...the restless heart will make all things unrestful...thou canst extract joy out of sorrow.” ~ George Matheson Moments on the Mount p.69

Seeing guilt as sin, and recognizing the difference between guilt and conviction.

"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus...ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you...ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father... If God be for us, who can be against us? ...Who shall lay anything to the charge of God's elect?  It is God that justifieth.  Who is he that condemneth?  It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at he right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?"
Romans 8:1+9+15+31+33-35

Recognizing that my pain over haunting evil thoughts are actually proof of purity.

“There is a pain which is the proof of convalescence, the sign that death is not yet. There is a pain which tells that the wound is not yet mortified, that there is life yet left in the mutilated member. There is a pain which is symptomatic of purity, which grows with the progress of purity, which cannot be felt by the impure. No conscience can feel the wound of sin but the tender conscience, no spirit can perceive it's own unrest but the regenerated spirit. Ought not the sight of such pain be dear to thy Father's heart? ...If He shall see thee unsatisfied with the earth, then indeed it is meet that He should be glad, for by the very want which earth cannot fill, He knows assuredly for by the very want which earth cannot fill, He knows assuredly that thou art made for Himself alone.” – George Matheson, Moments on the Mount p.103

Our flesh, or the enemy, will attack you in your imaginations and dreams if you have pledged purity.  He is King of our imaginations and dreams.  He is in control.  He will take them away.  But just as sleep cannot be chased to be obtained, we cannot fret over the evil dream or words and expect them to go away.  If you dwell on guilt and evil then that is what will re-play.  Focus on promises. (Phil 4:7-8; Ps.46:2; Deut. 31:6; 1 John 4:18; Is.30:15)  "Create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit within me!" (Psalm 51:10) This was cried by David.  A man that struggled with purity.  And yet he was a man after God's own heart. 

It's always a help to me, to remember that Jesus took on himself the seed of Abraham and suffered temptation so he might be able to succour us that are tempted.  (Hebrews 2:16-18).  He understands our temptations.  He desired to be a merciful and faithful priest of our souls.  He desired not only to succour us in salvation, but in our earthly existence as well.   He can relate to your temptation.  He knows how it feels.   

***

I hope this post was somehow an encouragement to you.  We are in a battle with a fierce enemy.  Flaming darts will come.  Don't feel guilty when they do.  You are only targeted because of your obvious stand.  The enemy often attacks us in places God has chosen to prove strong in.  If your thought life is under attack, and your purity under siege, know that it is because God has a plan for your life.  The enemy sees you as a soldier to take out.  He plays dirty -- he will use guilt.  It's okay to be weak in these areas.  It only means we will rely all the more readily on Someone mightier than we are! 


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Starless