Earlier in my post titled "The One" I received some feedback that made me think and ponder my conviction on this issue. I decided to dedicate a separate post for my thoughts and answers. Before delving in, I'd like to say that perhaps I should have titled the post “The Best”, or “His Will”, for that is what I meant by “The One.”
It is obvious that God does not condone polygamy and so with this knowledge we can be sure that there is one man that God foreknows will be our spouse. Of course there is the exception of widows (or widowers) that remarry, such as Elizabeth Elliot. In these cases it can be understood that the widow was made to be able to complement more than one man. In Elizabeth Elliot's case, three men! What a woman! God created her with the ability to be the helpmeet of three very different men. Jim Elliot was His best for Elizabeth for that time. Later, Addison Leitch was His best for her at that time. And even later on, Lars Gren was His best for her at that time. And lastly, permanent widowhood was His best for her at that time. He always had “the one” for her.
Here is one comment –
"There are different schools of thought on this topic and I've had many discussions on it with my single friends over the years. Some believe that if both the man and woman have a heart for God and apply Godly principles then you can marry anyone that falls within that criteria. There could be several men out there who could make suitable husbands if both hearts are submitted to God and willing to work things through in marriage.... Others firmly believe that there is only one perfect someone designed especially for you, which is a bit fairy tale-ish, but I admit I have thought that at certain times in my life."
Let's take the first school of thought out of the marriage realm. How about the job realm? Say there are multiple opportunities to apply for several different jobs. Quite a few jobs fit within your criteria...they are in your area of expertise, the hours are right, not a long commute, etc.... Each of them could make a suitable match. Does it matter which job you choose? As long as your heart is right and the hob matches your criteria, God will most likely bless it.
OR, there is the second school of thought where there are multiple job opportunities, and quite a few fit within your criteria. Humanly speaking, each of them could make a suitable match. But you believe that God cares about the details, knew you would be faced with multiple job choices, and already has a “best” picked out for you in His will. He knows which job He wants to use you in. So you leave it to Him by asking Him which one is best for you and follow His will. Out of the multiple jobs, you believe there is “one” that is His will for you...the best...or in other words, “the one”.
That is where I stand on “the one” for me concerning marriage. It isn't fairy tale-ish but quite within the character of how God works.
It would work within the realm of children.
The children He gives you could either be random chance of personalities – a product of you and your husband's genetics. Or, you can choose to believe in God's care of detail in molding specific human beings for you. A child with needs that can be perfectly matched with the capabilities God has given you. I think special needs children are specifically given to certain families. Families He knows He can trust these precious children with. If the Lord can be specific with your children, why not your man? Just as Eve was meant for Adam. This is your life partner. Wouldn't it make sense that He puts enough care and detail into something so magnanimous?
No wonder girls become discouraged in waiting, if they believe they could possibly match 10+ guys. If any one of the guys could be equally blessed by God, then it puts a lot of responsibility on you to make the right choice.
Is it fairy tale-ish to think that there is a man near my age that is like minded in the important issues; whose personality won't clash but compliment mine, who will someday meet me in my small sphere and be loved by all of my family? No, but maybe it's on the humanly impossible side of things! In which case, I am thankful I've abandoned my love life to God. For that is nothing for God! That is why I can rest and not worry.
This radical abandonment of the love life can be applied with country girls from small-town areas, to city chic’s in the Bay Area. I have met all sorts of people, even in my small sphere. Most of the time my family knows them, but sometimes they don't. I have met people at dance performances, other churches, Taekwondo, Abolitionist activities, Sign Language classes, my doctors office,
I believe Solomon is a good example.
Gods Will – was to bless Solomon and to establish his kingdom forever. (1 Kings 9:4)
The Condition – “If thou wilt walk before me, as David thy father walked, in integrity of heart, and in uprightness, to do according to all that I have commanded thee, and wilt keep my statues and my judgments... (v.4)
The Promise – “there shall not fail thee a man upon the throne of Israel...” (v.5)
The Consequence of Disobedience – “But if ye shall at all turn from following me...and will not keep my commandments and my statues which I have set before you...then will I cut off Israel out of the land which I have hallowed for my name, and this house will I cast out of my sight, and Israel shall be a proverb and a byword among all people.” (v.7)
It is possible to turn from His will and not accept His best, and choose our own way. Solomon did. (1 Kings 11:1). And God kept His promise and rent the kingdom. There will be consequences.
God does have a will for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11) and I believe this includes details (ie:where we live, who or if we marry, how we educate ourselves, how we serve Him, what church we attend),
By following after Him we will be following His will. We will marry His choice for us. And the promise? There shall not fail thee a man. :) We will have His best.
(Of course this does not mean that the rare cases of people called to life-long singleness are suffering consequences of disobedience!).
If we turn from His will, we will be settling for 2nd best. It is possible! In any area of our Christian life. Marriage is not excluded.
I honestly am unsure how this works. If I am unfaithful and turn, what happens to “my best”? The guy the Lord's will it was for me to marry?
Does “the best” or “the one” now have to marry 2nd best because of my disobedience? I humbly acknowledge the fact that I don't know. Maybe it's different for every circumstance.
I do know in other ares of life, our actions do cause consequences, not only hurting us, but others as well.
I also know that Jesus rewards faithfulness, and if “the best” has remained faithful, the Lord cannot go back on His word – He will give this person His best.
We, as the disobedient child, will be missing out on His best.
I am unsure how it all works, but the Bible says “I will surely rend the kingdom from thee, and will give it to thy servant.” (1Kings 11:11).
God rent “the best” from Solomon, and gave it to another. An interesting thought.
Like in all mistakes, with a repentant heart, Jesus can still bless our lives after we have made “2nd-best-decisions". But Jesus has a will. He has a best, it's just a matter of will we choose His way, or ours.