Love
Part III
(Keller)
Our
family goes to “Family Camp” every year. Our church rents a
camping ground with little cabins and stays for a week of
fellowshipping, cooking and eating and preaching. It is a lot of
fun, plus the Lord always teaches me something there. This year I
went without any idea what the Lord was going to give me. I felt
filled already. I was content and hadn’t any trials.
One
night, a preacher from Canada, “Pastor C.” preached on The
Power of the Laid Down Life. I was totally convicted. But it was
actually on a side note, not the main text. Pastor C. said “It’s
easier to serve than to love – because when you serve you do not
have to become vulnerable.” It smote my heart. I knew that was
exactly what I did, not necessarily with God, but with my family. I
have always shown my love by serving. Which isn’t a bad thing…but
I realized I had started serving instead of loving and I justified it
because, after all, acts of service were my “love language.”
I
felt disappointed in someone I loved. I felt they didn’t love me
as I wished to be loved. They didn’t seem to relate to me, or care
how I was or how I felt, never taking the time to get to know me. I
didn’t feel as though I could share with them, they wouldn’t
really care. They weren’t really interested. And what was worse,
they seemed to think they had my heart. And I felt it was unearned.
I only gave it because it was my duty. I felt fake when I spent time
with them. I realized that because I was tired of loving, or showing
love and receiving “nothing” back, I just served to protect my
feelings. I could serve and be respectful, stay on good standing
with them and not love them. This wasn’t a sudden struggle… it
was something that I had and pushed away for a long while.
The
message convicted me. I went to the altar and gave it to the Lord
but still felt unsatisfied. Whenever I had struggled with feeling
lonely, or unloved I would find peace by finding Christ as my Beloved
and Lover and it would settle my heart. Just as I shared with you
earlier. But this time, it didn’t help. I felt guilty but wasn’t
sure what I was supposed to do.
When
I got home from camp, I climbed up onto one of the big one-ton hay
bales and looked to the mountains where help has come so often. I
sat there and told Him everything. He told me not to be bitter. I
accepted that, but I was afraid the LORD was going to ask me to love
this person anyway. I had already tried that. I was tired of
praying for this person’s spiritual victory, tired of giving love
and seeing no change in them. I was tired of feeling hurt; it was
easier this way. I almost stopped listening. And then what Christ
whispered in my heart wasn't the command I feared, but actually a
little reminder: Love is not conditional.
That
week, this person communicated a lot with my family. We were able to
share our feelings with them. We talked a lot more and they even
shared struggles they had been having. Openness! This was one of
the things I felt hurt about.
Then,
the next Sunday, my brother Chris preached. I usually share a lot
with him, but I had not shared this with him. Chris preached on
Love. Chris wept. He preached on the first 10 verses of Isaiah 53.
The Holy Spirit came and smote my heart. Right then and there.
Chris
described love. Love is willing to look foolish, to be despised and
rejected. Love is willing to bear one another’s sorrow and be
grieved. Chris said the Lord is love and if we refuse to love we are
rejecting Him.
Love
is to heal… if we weren’t so busy pointing out others faults
maybe we would heal more. Love is silent. God opened not His mouth.
Love joyfully is bruised. Love takes the blame.
And
here I sat on my pew, unwilling to love this person because of their
faults. What conviction. And yet, I freely reveled in God’s love
for me. What if Christ loved me as I loved this person? How selfish
I am.
Chris
quoted, “Walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given
himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet
smelling savour…” Ephesians 5:2
How
was I to love this person? As Christ loved me. How did Christ love
me? Unconditionally. Giving all of Himself, willing to be crushed,
not for His faults, but for others. A sacrifice. He loves when He
isn’t loved in return.
I
realized – He loves me even when I’m inconsistent with my love
for Him. He loves me even when I’m unwilling to stop and listen
and relate to Him. He loves me even when I do not try to get to know
Him. He loves me even when I pretend or think that I know Him, and I
don’t.
Love
expects nothing in return. And beyond that – it accepts bruises
instead of good, accepts rejection instead of care. How short I
fall. My “love” only loves when it is reciprocated the way I
want it to be. Love continues despite circumstances. Conditions do
not exist according to love. 1 John
4:7-13, 16-21
Someone
asked the question, “Do I believe that as my Savior He has the
right to demand such a response to His love if I would really love
Him as He first loved me?" (
Roseveare 20)
Miss
Roseveare went through so much for Christ, in
order for Him to love through her. She paid a high price. It cost
her to be a servant of the Most High. She lived through the
Congo Rebellion, she was beaten, imprisoned and what I consider the
worse – raped. What a price! What a sword! And yet, she
considered it a privilege.
She
wrote: “It was a very dark night. I felt unutterably alone. For
a brief moment, I felt God had failed me. He could have stepped in
and prevented this rising crescendo of wickedness and cruelty. He
could have saved me
out of their hands [the rebel soldiers who tortured and raped her].
Why didn't He speak? Why didn't He intervene? And in desperation,
I almost cried out against Him: 'It is too much to pay!'
Yet
His love for me cost Him His life. He gave Himself, in that one
all-sufficient atoning sacrifice at Calvary. He so loved that He
gave all. His sacrifice was the expression of His great love.
But
His sacrifice had achieved something. He had saved lost mankind from
their sins. What was I achieving by suffering brutality at the hands
of the rebel soldiers? If I died (which seemed probable and
imminent) no one would even know of the suffering. What was being
gained? God, why, why?
In
the darkness and loneliness, He met with me. He was right there, a
great, wonderful, almighty God. His love enveloped me. Suddenly the
'Why?' dropped away from me, and an unbelievable peace flowed in,
even in the midst of the wickedness. And He breathed a word into my
troubled mind: privilege.
'These
are not your sufferings: they are not beating you. These are My
sufferings: all I ask of you is the loan of your body.'
For
twenty years, anything I had needed, I had asked of God and He had
provided. Now, this night, the Almighty had stooped to ask of me
something that He condescended
to appear to need, and He offered me the privilege of
responding. He wanted my body, in which to live, and through which
to love these very rebel soldiers in the height of their wickedness.
It is inconceivable, yet true. He offered me the inestimable
privilege of sharing with Him, in some little measure at least, in
the edge of the fellowship of His sufferings. And it was all
privilege.” (Roseveare
21)
Am
I willing? To be loved through God at such a cost? And yet, Miss
Roseveare learned a beautiful lesson. As Christ considered it a joy
to bear the sins of the world, my sins, the sins of a rapist, the
most wicked things ever conceived; Miss Roseveare learned to consider
the fellowship of suffering a privilege. And I was scared to love
others because it was humbling? I was unwilling to love someone
because they didn't love me the way I wanted? I know I can trust Him.
There is nothing to fear with a Savior like Him. If He would use my
body, I will give it to Him. Even if it means to be used and
humiliated. For He did the same for me. And He can turn such evil
into good and love the unlovable through me. Miss
Roseveare later led every rebel soldier to Christ who gang raped her.
To
love means I must accept the fact that I’m making myself
vulnerable. I can accept the hurt, because I love them.
That
is what I learned. It took only several paragraphs to explain a
lesson that took almost a month of crying and searching and
accepting. I’m still learning. Love is not an emotion. It’s a
choice. And once decided, it is an action. Love is kind. It
suffers. It is content. It is meek. It is seemly. It is calm. It
is pure. It is joyful. It is strong. It is believing. It is
hopeful. It is enduring. It is never-ending.
My
desire is that I may learn to love others as Christ.
“Charity
suffereth long, and is kind; Charity envieth not, charity vaunteth
not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all
things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Chraity never faileth.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Thank you for this quote Toni! I really appreciate how you are willing to share your own personal struggles! It helps me...just to know I'm not the only one that struggles with things like this. I was actually just talking to someone about this very subject. It seems so hard to love some people, but when I think of how much He loves me and puts up with my shananigans, I realize I should show the same love I've been given. It both convicted me and helped me! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you Gracie. There is comfort in knowing we aren't the "only ones". Thank you for your thoughts. Your comments are such a blessing to me!
DeleteThis is a universal struggle...to love as Christ loves, as God loves, is extremely difficult because we are human, we are flawed. But to be convicted, to desire to love in that way, to make the choice to try is a gift of the Holy Spirit and worth the sacrifice. I have learned that loving someone when your first reaction is to harden your heart or say hurtful words or become resentful is so very healing. And in the long term, that love always seems to come back to you from the very person that caused the pain in the first place. God is so full of grace and mercy and compassion! Thank you for sharing your struggles, Toni. That, in itself, is an act of love.
ReplyDeleteThank you Aunt Donna. Your life is a perfect testimony of compassion and love. Thank you for your thoughts. I loved what you said about the love always seems to come back from the very person that cause the pain in the first place. How unexpected it is...but you're right. Great little nugget of truth there. Thank you.
DeleteThis is all so true and so helpful, Toni. As others have said, thank you for being willing to make yourself vulnerable so that others might be encouraged and edified. This is very good writing and a very needful topic.
ReplyDeleteAw Jana, I am always encouraged by your thoughts. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and making the time to comment. Means a lot.
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