Stuck Between Friendship and Matrimony
So he is a friend. At least, he started out as a friend. But now it's deeper than that. Or at least it feels that way. You really think he is the most amazing guy in the world, and you're ready to say “I do”.
But there's a slight problem: He hasn't asked. You're sure he enjoys you and you're not like other girl friends of his. There's something different about him and you, but nothing has been said. No pursuing has been initiated. Now what?
I know several young women in this situation. In one circumstance the couple have nothing standing in there way other than the guy simply hasn't asked. In another situation the young man has made an attempt to “get to know” the young woman, but they are just “friends” because marriage isn't really an option for her yet. How awkward is it to be stuck between friendship and marriage? Really awkward.
I just wanted to take the time to write a short post of encouragement to you if this speaks of your circumstance.
Firstly, you have no reason to feel ashamed of how you feel. Ignoring and denying your emotions won't help; neither does feeling guilty about them. They are genuine emotions – accept that.
But with no commitment established you have no ties, no obligations and no entitlements to this man. He isn't yours and you aren't his. He is God's child. You're job is to allow God to guard your heart and to simply treat him as a friend and sister in Christ, just like you have been. You have no idea where this young man is at. Perhaps God has asked him to wait? Maybe his parents have asked him to wait? Maybe he is securing the means to get married? Your impatience will help no-one. You are expected to remain faithful in what God has set before you. And as long as He hasn't asked you to pursue a mate, you can rest assured He is working in your behalf. If it's any consolation, God moves far more quickly with patient surrendered children, than rash self-willed ones.
I've met several young women who have based their self-worth on how many young men have asked to start a relationship with them. For some women they have a lot to boost their ego. For others this is disastrous blow to their perceived worth. I want to encourage you that God has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11). He is a master at the art of orchestrating your life. You are worth the shedding of His only begotten son. That means you're priceless.
If the guy of your dreams isn't moving forward, that may be a good sign that you aren't meant to be married yet. It has no bearing on your worth and it has no indication of your capability to be a wife.
Diligently set your heart before your Creator. He knows. He understands. He is able to keep your heart and He will guide you. Moving beyond friendship with a young man is a serious thing. It can either be beautiful because it's in His time, or it can be the worse mistake you'll ever make in your life. Trust the godly authorities He has placed in your life. Run to the One who knows you best.
Marriage is a gift, not a goal. You haven't failed just because you're in your mid twenties (or older) and you haven't “achieved” marriage status. Has it ever occurred to you that your singleness is a gift? That He expects you to use your singleness to give Him glory and to serve Him and His kingdom with? Have you been faithful in your singleness?
Life is a shining adventure. There's no better way to squelch your joy and miss opportunities, than to wait for life to begin at marriage. Obviously if He has set before you marriage as an open door, take it courageously and confidently. But if you're stuck between friendship and matrimony, be encouraged that your part is to simply obey God and charitably treat this young man as a sister in Christ. If you really love him, you will not seek and pursue in impatience. You will not vaunt yourself and make yourself obviously available. You will not hold your breath with little longsuffering. You aren't waiting on him – you're waiting on Him. In fact, love would wish the best for who it loves, even if this means, in the end, your desires aren't granted.
You're not stuck. You're just in an amazing journey. Embrace it! He will guide you.