Luke 8:54

"And he put them all out, and took her by the hand, and called, saying, Maid arise." Luke 8:54

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Wait! Without Me?

Spiritual Lesson 

Wait!  Without me? 
Image result for Woman alone on bench

All of us women enjoy quality time.  Especially quality time with the men God has placed in our lives.  Whether that be our brothers, our fathers, our boyfriends or our husbands.

It's natural, healthy, and perfectly innocent to desire this.

But I also thought it was worth noting that some women actually become upset when their men want to do something without them.

For example:

Hang out with friends.
Pursue a lone hobby.
Social media by himself
Immerse himself in a ministry
Pursue a "to-do" list

We can take it personally when they go "do their thing" and are completely content to do it without us.  Or find it top priority before asking how we are, or how our day went, or whether they want to go to coffee with us.  I'm not advocating men to be selfish jerks.  But I do want to challenge you.

Firstly, to look at your own heart.
Honestly we can be pretty selfish.  Especially with relationships we think we have a right to be selfish with.  They are our men.  My brother.  My Dad.  My husband.  My guy.  And sometimes our expectations can be unrealistic.  Every moment will be spent together.  Our boyfriend is going to enjoy our hobbies and want to do them with us.  Our brother should his activities to maintain our relationship.  Dad should take us out on dates.

Yes, it would be nice to spend every moment with our guy.  Yes it'd be ideal to have the exact same hobbies.  Yes it is beneficial to have our brothers drop some of their "to-do" list in order to be a friend.  And yeah, dates with Dad are healthy and really special.

But we don't have to freak out when this doesn't happen.  There are few things less disturbing than a clingy woman.  Ladies, as singles we heard over and over who is able to fulfill our needs and desires.  When we find we're fretting over an unmet expectation, Jesus is still the answer.  Even when we are in a relationship.  Or even when we miss our brother, or desire our Dad's attention.

There is immense freedom in allowing our men to be men.  And honestly, when we find peace in letting them go, it is an instant invitation for men to be who God created them to be.  They feel assured and encouraged and inspired when we stop demanding.  Think of the clingons in your life.  Then think of the friends who both take and give.  The ones who are are there, who encourage, who listen.  Who are we in our men's lives?

Secondly, look to find ways to encourage our men.

What ways can we reconstruct our conversation to encourage them and show we are supportive of them?

When they go, we can make sure to tell them to have fun and smile and wave when they leave.  Who wants to be their man's burden and make him feel guilty for being gone?

Letting him know you're interested in hearing how it all went.

Finding ways to be interested or help in a hobby.

Standing next to him in his ministry.

Talking well of him in public.

Not taking it personally when he chooses to be by himself.  Giving him that space and cheerfully accepting it.


  1. Great post, Toni! It is very true that we all need times by ourselves and although togetherness can be wonderful, we often need to come apart so that when we are with our men we appreciate the time even more. My husband is going out with one of his friends on Saturday night and even though I would prefer if he stayed home with me, I'm also going to be gone all that day helping another friend wedding dress shop. It works both ways. Instead of whining because I won't see him most of the only day we usually have off together I've decided to invite my sister to come over and spend some the evening with opportunity that doesn't come up all that often now that I'm married. It's all about give and take.
    I like articles like these that are fairly succinct and give a good nugget to hang on to (just a little feedback there :) )
    Love you,

    1. Loved this testimony. Thanks Jana. Made my day. Thanks for the feedback too!

  2. Good post, Toni. Honestly have never thought much about it. Thanks for the food for thought.

    1. Yeah, it's a little different than my "normal" posts, isn't it? It just really struck me while reading a book called "Captivating". Thanks for reading!