Musings

Spiritual Lessons

Musings

I took the time today to sit in the sunshine.  You know, I think every person should take at least 10 minutes of their day to be still in the sunshine.  It does miracles.  The cottonwood leaves have turned crisp and yellow and the breeze made them sing their brusque autumn melody.  So different than the whispers of a summer's wind through the trees.  As I sat there I realized how there are so many things to be done.  So many possibilities.

Lately, I have equated life as a painting. I used to be uncomfortable at the thought that I allow my emotions to spill out for the world to see.  But I have come to the conclusion that I am not a clown because my emotions are painted on the outside of my heart.  I will always be sensitive, and it's a gift, not a curse.  I've decided to explore it.  I want to see what 'painting' is like without guilt.  And it's been amazing.  I have been "me" and surprisingly enough, no one has cringed or sent me away!  I have allowed myself to be what others might interpret as "dramatic".  I haven't tried to constrain my interests, my passions, the way I relate to things.  I haven't tried to hide the "personal me" from anyone.  I used to think I was shallow and naive for opening my heart.  That I was 'less' than those who were quiet and had something deep inside them that needed sheltering.  I wasn't as complex because I revealed too much.  Many people reserve their "personal".  It's okay.  But I am a wellspring.  They draw quietly in intriguing abstract pen and ink, and I splash with untamed expression, using the entire color spectrum.

But with this passion of expression also comes the personality to conquer the world.  And today as I sat there in the sunshine I realized I've been dabbling in so many paints I've been left with a muddy mess.  I can't possibly give 100% to one hundred things...

How to pursue it all?  Sign Language, Natural health education, my own health, the lost, the elderly, the babies who are aborted, the needy in my church, my work at Aspen Wellspring, my Dad's business, my home life, my blog and books I'm writing/publishing, my relationships?  I'm not desperate but overwhelmed.  There are so many ways to serve Jesus.  So many doors of opportunity.  So many little notes of encouragement that could be written.  So many prayers that could be said.  So many people a tract could be given to.  Widows to be loved, elderly to be sung to, children to make memories with. Life is so short, and it only disappears faster, the older I become.

I stopped musing and patted Bonnie who came to lay next to me in the sunshine.  I decided.  I am obviously one little girl up against an entire world.  I can't do everything.  But here is what I know I will do:

 I am determined to be sensitive to God's leading.  When and how is up to Him.  I will not take on anything He does not require and I will do whatever He asks.  I will look for opportunities.  I will be willing to be spent for others.  Even if that "other" isn't the imagined lost person I dream of helping, but Dad who needs my help that day at work.  I will sacrifice.  Even if He doesn't ask me to go to Siberia, but if He asks that I give up watching a movie so I can spend that time for someone, or if it means not getting any computer time in so I can make dinner.

I am determined not to wait for others to lead me into service.  I don't need to wait for others to encourage me, to point out how I can join their ministry.  And I don't need to worry if anyone is following me into the battle.  I'll sound the cry if need be, but I'm going whether they follow or not.

I am determined to be faithful.  Even if my "opportunities" prove lonely or un-glamorous.  I might not even be front lines where I get "attacked" where others can applaud or sympathize with me.  I'm ready to commit His will and stick to it.

I am determined not to be afraid of letting Him be Himself in me.  He has given me a personality and I'm going to use it.  Watch out!  Personality is a gift!  He fashioned me this way!  Embracing Him in me is a wonderful, powerful security.  It's okay if I've got paint all over me.  I have the Master Artist.

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Did you read yesterday's “Quote of the Day”?

What a thought – that our life consists of a song.

Music has been such a part of my life. Ever since I was a baby I've been surrounded by music. My mom loves to sing, she was part of the choir, she taught her Sunday school class to sing, she taught my siblings and I to sing rounds. We learned memory verses, definitions, history facts, multiplication, all by putting them to a tune. Classical music or hymns was the background of my childhood. Music was part of church, part of school, part of nap time, after dinner... Life and music held no separation. As I grew up music was part of my existence. It helped me through highschool, we sang during chores, my siblings made a CD, we were asked to sing during community events. It's still part of my life...I sing in the shower, I hum when I drive, I dance to Scottish Highland music, I teach Sign Language with it, I sing when I'm sad, when I am happy...when I pray. I can relate to music... My life being one long song just makes sense.

He creates an unique symphony for each of us. I think of the personalities I am surrounded with and it makes me smile. Some lives are filled with crescendos and trills...others are steady rhythms, deep and calm.

I think everyone would like to imagine that their life is the most unique of all. There's something special about being different than everyone else. But I think my song is rather common. He sings a simple song that I can follow. I'm okay with that.

Although, recently, my song has turned darker. Quietly He has added minor chords and I falter in my harmony. I have found I cannot dictate the arrangement to my liking. He has set the melody. I am allowed the choice to sing harmony or clash in discontented notes of complaint. Singing my own tune get's me nowhere.

Sometimes I try to sing my own melody. If I concentrate really hard I can hear it...I think it sounds beautiful. Have you ever accidentally played two music tracks at once? It doesn't matter how beautifully mastered they are as separate tracks...playing together it's just disconnected noise. That's what happens when I sing my own tune. It clashes with His melody and all I create is noise. It's noticeable to everyone I'm around.

I can't change the minors. My circumstances, my health, my relationships are all notes He sings. Sometimes obedience is a hard tune to learn. Trusting Him and just following His choice in melody is difficult. Suffering seems to clash with what I expected Him to sing. But through the dark minors of suffering I have learned to obey. And obedience is the “rhythm of two wills...that blends their action into rarest harmony”. Christ too, “Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered.” (Hebrews 5:8) Is it possible that He has chosen to add a stanza of His own life into my simple little song? If that is how He learned to harmonize than why should I scoff?

“It was no relief from temporal evils that the Apostle promised. ...No; the mercy of God might send them to the stake, or the lions; it was still His mercy; if it but kept them 'unspotted by the world.' It might expose them to insult, calumny, and wrong; they received it still as mercy, if it 'established them in every good work...'. O brethren! How many of you are content with such faithfulness as this on the part of our heavenly Father? Is this, indeed, the tone and tenor of your prayers? – W.M. Archer Butler

What is the tone and tenor of my prayers? Surely while He sings His ear must strain to hear my harmony. When pain comes it is but a chance to learn harmony. Suddenly I pause to hear what He is singing. “Evil” circumstances give me a desire to listen more carefully.

This is an odd road of music He has given me. But I am thankful. Maybe one day I will be able to hear the whole song from start to finish and it will all make sense. But for now, I'm willing to simply follow His melody and sing harmony the best I know how. Sing soul, sing!