Spiritual Lessons
I took the time today to sit in the sunshine. You know, I think every person should take at least 10 minutes of their day to be still in the sunshine. It does miracles. The cottonwood leaves have turned crisp and yellow and the breeze made them sing their brusque autumn melody. So different than the whispers of a summer's wind through the trees. As I sat there I realized how there are so many things to be done. So many possibilities.
Lately, I have equated life as a painting. I used to be uncomfortable at the thought that I allow my emotions to spill out for the world to see. But I have come to the conclusion that I am not a clown because my emotions are painted on the outside of my heart. I will always be sensitive, and it's a gift, not a curse. I've decided to explore it. I want to see what 'painting' is like without guilt. And it's been amazing. I have been "me" and surprisingly enough, no one has cringed or sent me away! I have allowed myself to be what others might interpret as "dramatic". I haven't tried to constrain my interests, my passions, the way I relate to things. I haven't tried to hide the "personal me" from anyone. I used to think I was shallow and naive for opening my heart. That I was 'less' than those who were quiet and had something deep inside them that needed sheltering. I wasn't as complex because I revealed too much. Many people reserve their "personal". It's okay. But I am a wellspring. They draw quietly in intriguing abstract pen and ink, and I splash with untamed expression, using the entire color spectrum.
But with this passion of expression also comes the personality to conquer the world. And today as I sat there in the sunshine I realized I've been dabbling in so many paints I've been left with a muddy mess. I can't possibly give 100% to one hundred things...
How to pursue it all? Sign Language, Natural health education, my own health, the lost, the elderly, the babies who are aborted, the needy in my church, my work at Aspen Wellspring, my Dad's business, my home life, my blog and books I'm writing/publishing, my relationships? I'm not desperate but overwhelmed. There are so many ways to serve Jesus. So many doors of opportunity. So many little notes of encouragement that could be written. So many prayers that could be said. So many people a tract could be given to. Widows to be loved, elderly to be sung to, children to make memories with. Life is so short, and it only disappears faster, the older I become.
I stopped musing and patted Bonnie who came to lay next to me in the sunshine. I decided. I am obviously one little girl up against an entire world. I can't do everything. But here is what I know I will do:
I am determined to be sensitive to God's leading. When and how is up to Him. I will not take on anything He does not require and I will do whatever He asks. I will look for opportunities. I will be willing to be spent for others. Even if that "other" isn't the imagined lost person I dream of helping, but Dad who needs my help that day at work. I will sacrifice. Even if He doesn't ask me to go to Siberia, but if He asks that I give up watching a movie so I can spend that time for someone, or if it means not getting any computer time in so I can make dinner.
I am determined not to wait for others to lead me into service. I don't need to wait for others to encourage me, to point out how I can join their ministry. And I don't need to worry if anyone is following me into the battle. I'll sound the cry if need be, but I'm going whether they follow or not.
I am determined to be faithful. Even if my "opportunities" prove lonely or un-glamorous. I might not even be front lines where I get "attacked" where others can applaud or sympathize with me. I'm ready to commit His will and stick to it.
I am determined not to be afraid of letting Him be Himself in me. He has given me a personality and I'm going to use it. Watch out! Personality is a gift! He fashioned me this way! Embracing Him in me is a wonderful, powerful security. It's okay if I've got paint all over me. I have the Master Artist.
Related Posts:
Life's Musical Road
An Open Door With Confidence
Chickens in the CrabApple Tree
Musings
I took the time today to sit in the sunshine. You know, I think every person should take at least 10 minutes of their day to be still in the sunshine. It does miracles. The cottonwood leaves have turned crisp and yellow and the breeze made them sing their brusque autumn melody. So different than the whispers of a summer's wind through the trees. As I sat there I realized how there are so many things to be done. So many possibilities.
Lately, I have equated life as a painting. I used to be uncomfortable at the thought that I allow my emotions to spill out for the world to see. But I have come to the conclusion that I am not a clown because my emotions are painted on the outside of my heart. I will always be sensitive, and it's a gift, not a curse. I've decided to explore it. I want to see what 'painting' is like without guilt. And it's been amazing. I have been "me" and surprisingly enough, no one has cringed or sent me away! I have allowed myself to be what others might interpret as "dramatic". I haven't tried to constrain my interests, my passions, the way I relate to things. I haven't tried to hide the "personal me" from anyone. I used to think I was shallow and naive for opening my heart. That I was 'less' than those who were quiet and had something deep inside them that needed sheltering. I wasn't as complex because I revealed too much. Many people reserve their "personal". It's okay. But I am a wellspring. They draw quietly in intriguing abstract pen and ink, and I splash with untamed expression, using the entire color spectrum.
But with this passion of expression also comes the personality to conquer the world. And today as I sat there in the sunshine I realized I've been dabbling in so many paints I've been left with a muddy mess. I can't possibly give 100% to one hundred things...
How to pursue it all? Sign Language, Natural health education, my own health, the lost, the elderly, the babies who are aborted, the needy in my church, my work at Aspen Wellspring, my Dad's business, my home life, my blog and books I'm writing/publishing, my relationships? I'm not desperate but overwhelmed. There are so many ways to serve Jesus. So many doors of opportunity. So many little notes of encouragement that could be written. So many prayers that could be said. So many people a tract could be given to. Widows to be loved, elderly to be sung to, children to make memories with. Life is so short, and it only disappears faster, the older I become.
I stopped musing and patted Bonnie who came to lay next to me in the sunshine. I decided. I am obviously one little girl up against an entire world. I can't do everything. But here is what I know I will do:
I am determined to be sensitive to God's leading. When and how is up to Him. I will not take on anything He does not require and I will do whatever He asks. I will look for opportunities. I will be willing to be spent for others. Even if that "other" isn't the imagined lost person I dream of helping, but Dad who needs my help that day at work. I will sacrifice. Even if He doesn't ask me to go to Siberia, but if He asks that I give up watching a movie so I can spend that time for someone, or if it means not getting any computer time in so I can make dinner.
I am determined not to wait for others to lead me into service. I don't need to wait for others to encourage me, to point out how I can join their ministry. And I don't need to worry if anyone is following me into the battle. I'll sound the cry if need be, but I'm going whether they follow or not.
I am determined to be faithful. Even if my "opportunities" prove lonely or un-glamorous. I might not even be front lines where I get "attacked" where others can applaud or sympathize with me. I'm ready to commit His will and stick to it.
I am determined not to be afraid of letting Him be Himself in me. He has given me a personality and I'm going to use it. Watch out! Personality is a gift! He fashioned me this way! Embracing Him in me is a wonderful, powerful security. It's okay if I've got paint all over me. I have the Master Artist.
Related Posts:
Life's Musical Road
An Open Door With Confidence
Chickens in the CrabApple Tree
Loved this, Toni! I too have been overwhelmed thinking about all the needs in the world around me and trying to overcome guilt I sometimes feel that I am not doing enough. It is freeing to realize that God knows us and knows the gifts He has given us, knows our capabilities as well as our limitations. And all we really need to do is love Him with all our hearts and minds and souls and allow Him to do with us as He wills. Thank you for sharing your musings, they are a blessing to me.
ReplyDeleteThank you Aunt Donna. :) Glad that this was helpful. It's a little random... lots of thoughts, but I'm encouraged to know that it was a helpful reminder. It is so freeing when you realize that a balanced, healthy Christian life involves both relationship, and works. When we love Him we will automatically obey His word and do his commandments (1 John 2:3). All the other little details will fall into place when we are sensitive to His will.
ReplyDeleteSimple and sweet. I appreciated your thoughts Toni and I could sincerely relate to them. Love you dear.
ReplyDeleteThank you friend. :) I love you too.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an awesome post, Toni and a wonderful revelation! I'm SO GLAD that you are free to be YOU! I'm excited for you and appreciated the eloquence with which you described your musings. Delightful, my friend :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jana. :) Thanks for being excited for me. :) You are a dear young lady and I appreciate you with all my heart. You'll never know how much your hospitality meant to me a couple weeks ago. You brought more refreshment to my soul than even the meeting did. Praying for you.
Deleteoh my Toni I LOVE this. This may be one of my favorite of your musings. I resonate with a lot of it. Other than embracing my personality... there seems to be too much to ever try to contain. But I also found it encouraging to remember that all the colors in my life are there for a reason and I don't have to be afraid to be bold or wild with my life. Well WRIT.
ReplyDeleteAw Liss. Thanks. It's funny this is one of your favorites. It's just me scribbling out my simple thoughts. :) I'm thankful God made you "colorful" too. Hahaha. You've been a bold splash in my life and I'm thankful for the courage you've taught me. I know we all have our struggles when we are more apt to be "colorful", but you paint in comforting swathes... Thank you for being the feminine lion-heart in my life. Your little sis. :)
DeleteReally,really,really liked this one Toni! Probably my favorite of your musings. I love the painting idea, I can defiantly relate. Thanks for writing and sharing,love you.
ReplyDeleteTasha
Thanks Tasha. I am honestly surprised at the responses... I'm thankful that you could relate. Thanks for your comment.
Delete