A Future Husband List

Spiritual Lessons

While growing up, have you ever known girls who made their "future husband lists"?  I knew a few.  The first time I considered doing one was after I read Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin's list in their book "So Much More".  (Highly recommend that book!)

Since then I've also talked to young women who think having a "list" is a silly foolish thing to do.  I recently had a discussion about the pros and cons to having a list and why I do.  I thought I would share with you some of these thoughts.

A Future Husband List

Good Idea or No?

Having requirements and hopes has been such a help to me.  In the past, if I wondered about a certain young man I was able to keep myself level headed because I could compare him to my honest hopes and expectations.  It's amazing what can be "justified" when we feel like we are interested in someone!  More recently it has helped me to realize what type of woman I need to be if I expect such a husband.  Plus it has given me specific things to pray for my man. My "list" isn't a shopping list with requirements, but more of a prayer for my future man.

It's a personal thing to share, but I think I would like to share that prayer with you.  To encourage you and to maybe inspire you to do the same!

My Prayer for My Man

• I pray that You Jesus will save him and You assure him of his salvation.
• That You create a real and evident mature relationship with You in him.
• That You would make it his certain conviction that the KJV is the English translation of the Word of God and that You would establish correct doctrinal beliefs in his heart.
• That without a shadow of a doubt, You would be first in his heart, then family, the the church, then country.
• That You create him to be a man I can respect naturally.
• That You give him Your love for children and make him instinctively a protective man who considers children, not offspring or burdens, but human lives to mold, and blessings with a desire to raise as many or as few as You tell us and to be open minded about adopting and to commit our childrens training to You.
• That You would give him a burning desire to be financially faithful and that You would make him a better steward with money than I am. But that You'd give him a sensitive and generous heart.
• Jesus, I pray that You'd instill my man with a vision. Something he can even pass down to his children. Something that You can (and please will) equip me to encourage and help him attain. Something that furthers Your kingdom in some way. Something greater than he alone can achieve, but needs You (and me :) ) to strengthen him in. Something I can cheerfully follow knowing it is Your will.
• Please give him an irreproachable character. Noticeable fruit. Make him a man in my father's eyes.
• Please establish a strong Christian worldview, making him at least one step ahead of me in politics and education.
• Please mold him into a man that can easily meld into my family and gain their hearts.
• Please give him an enthusiasm and deep appreciation for godly music. And an enjoyment of singing.
• Please establish habitual humility. And a frankness, and reality in his personality. Please establish Your confidence in Him, Holy Spirit. And an appreciation and ability to distinguish real beauty and modesty.
• Jesus I ask that You create a strong sense of manliness in him. Confidence. Leadership. That anyone who sees him would know without a doubt – there's a man. Please convict him now of any childish or effeminate ways.
• And Father, please, with all my heart I desire and pray that You give him a passionate desire to be healthy for You and his family's sake. That he would be well balanced in this issue and inspire me to be also. That he would appreciate that attribute about me.
• I pray that You would give him a sweet gentleman's heart and that a chivalrous nature would be a desire, ever before him, to attain.
• I pray, and with full assurance know, You will make him into a Spiritual leader who desires to pray with me, inspire me and lead me forward. A man who habitually reads good authors and enjoys a healthy spiritual diet and meditates on Phil. 4:8 “food”. Someone who holds this standard as important...even imperative.
• A man who can laugh and cry. A man who desires to express his emotions without embarrassment.
• A good work ethic.
• Someone unafraid to spend quality one on one time with me and enjoys it, craves it and makes the effort to do so.
• Please give him a hospitable heart.
• I give You the choice whether to establish a steady, command or visionary dominance in his character. You know best. But Father, would you please allow him to have some adventurous spirit?
• Also, I ask that You would keep him from becoming obsessed with sports. And that You would give Him a love for some of the same passions I have. And an acceptance of Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday celebrating.
• And a few hopes – that he would dance with me. Not afraid of showing affection towards me, even publicly, that he would crave wooing my heart. That he would enjoy health. He would be a Psalm 112 man. A perfect man (Ps.37). And a non-conformist Caleb.
• That You would teach me to be a woman worthy of such a man, and show me ways to start honoring him right now.   

I would just like to encourage you that there are godly men out there. It can be discouraging to feel like the godly male species is extinct.  But I know several godly good young men.  And what is better -- if we have a God who has destined us to be helpmeets, He must have a godly man handpicked for you.

This worry seems to be a widespread discouragement to Christian girls.  But we have to remember how big our God is.  If He is sufficient in creating a universe, He definitely is able to create and keep a godly man for you.  Our duty is to be faithful in what He has called us to.  With our focus and attention on Him and His kingdom, our singlhood years will be profitable and useful, and certainly not a bore.

The world sees singlhood as "standby".  We are unmarried because we are abnormally sheltered or prudish, self righteous girls with naive goals.   The church wonders at us and feels sympathetic to our plight.  "Don't worry, Prince Charming is right around the corner."

Are we on standby?  Is singlehood a plight?  Or a stage to survive?  Certainly not!  We are kept as treasures.  We do wait for one man, and one man only.  But singlehood is a beautiful productive season of womanhood.  We are not half-persons.  We are not broken.  We are not waiting for life to begin.  Paul even called this time a "better" than married life.  (1 Cor. 7).  It's to be embraced.  Prince Charming might not be around the corner.  Who knows what God has in store for your life.  Even those of us who are certain we are called to be wives someday, have no idea when "someday" is.  What if He has work for you to do as a single until you are 35?  Should this cause anxiety?  Not at all.  He purposes and plans.  We faithfully obey.

  We are to do our man good all our days. (Proverbs 31:12).  It's possible.  We are not to pine for him, worry over his existence, or hunt him down.  Our duty is to do him good.  Praying for him would be a good start.


 

Recently I contacted some of our brothers in Christ. 

This is what I wrote to them:

Hello!

I was wondering if you would do me a favor?

I am currently writing a book called “Maid Arise!”

It is my humble desire to encourage my sisters of the faith in their adventure of being godly young women for Christ in the 21^st Century.

Recently I have been reading some other books that are written by godly women that are geared towards the same readers I hope to address. Even though these authors have a lot of wise advice to share, I was surprised at a couple of similar underlying themes. I'd like to share two of them with you.

These authors mentioned that there is a danger of girls becoming “hidden flowers”. That we can lead a sheltered life and “Prince Charming” will never find us if we are narrow minded enough to stay at home and only think of serving our family. We need to get out in the world! Find our ministry! How else will men realize that we are “available”? One author said young men want to marry women who are industrious, not someone who stays at home and dreams her life away.

Also, one author mentioned the number one importance to most guys she has talked to was that their future wife be beautiful. She admonished her girl readers to stay fit and toned, and concentrate on being beautiful.

This is where you come in.

I'm not sure what type of men she was asking, but I want to know your opinion. I respect you as godly brothers and want to know what you think. In my book I would like to address these two issues. The world tells us we need to “find our career” and strive for perfect beauty....now our Christian mentors are similarly admonishing us.

You probably can guess what I think. But I can write a whole book on the subject and it won't matter to many girls if they believe this is what young men think. This is why I'm asking for your honest opinion. And I really want to hear what you have to say, not what you think I believe. What are some important expectations of your future spouse? What do you think of these author's advice?

Thank you for your help!

Your sister in Christ,

Toni

Once a week I'd like to share a different response from the young men that answered my questions.  Today I am posting Knight # 3

Age 19

Beauty

I would definitely agree with the statement that as young men we want wives that are beautiful. The only problem is how young women, (and young men), interpret that. Our culture tells us that “beautiful” means looking like a glamorous model, or I should say, pretending to look like a model by applying gobs of make-up and wearing the most attractive clothing.

What does beautiful really mean? The Websters 1828 Dictionary says that the definition of beauty is, “Elegant in form; fair; having the form that pleases the eye”.

Honestly when reading this definition I think of a stereotypical pretty girl, maybe a princess, the kind of girl that is popular and everyone's friend. But that is so wrong. Beauty is not what the majority claims it to be or what our culture says it is. When we interpret beauty through the eyes of the majority, our view will always be changing and inconsistent. When we ascribe beauty to those privileged few who mesmerize the word as models and celebrities we automatically condemn the majority of girls that will never attain that model status as under par or even ugly. But there is nothing further from the truth.

Beauty is not based on how fit, or how toned we are, or how we style our hair. Girls that dress up like models are only hiding behind the world's expectations. Yes, beautiful girls are attractive, but again, I ask, what is beauty?

Beauty is the girl so filled with the person of Jesus Christ that His beauty shines through her. Beauty is the girl that is so in love with Christ that the opinions of the world mean nothing to her. Beauty is the girl that so revels in the acceptance of her Savior that she doesn't have to prove to others that she is worthy. Beauty is the girl that is known by the purity of her heart, revealed in her actions, dress and conversation. Beauty is the girl that is so lost in the character of Christ that His light and beauty radiates from her face.

You might think that the difference in the definition of beauty that I just gave and the one by Noah Webster doesn't matter, but I disagree.

We often see beauty as through the tainted eyes of the world. Webster says “...having the form that pleases the eye.”

What is more beautiful to the eye than one fully surrendered to the perfect will of God? I'm not saying I want to marry someone “ugly”, but that the most beautiful women in the world's standards pales in comparison to the humble simplicity of a girl dressed in the garments of His holiness.

If we are so intent on that outward beauty what do we think of Christ of whom Isaiah wrote about in Is. 53:2, “...he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him?”

What would our answer be to Him when He says “come unto me?” As the purest Groom He sought us, despite our uncomeliness, for that wonderful beauty of fellowship.

Home

I want my future wife to be serious and dedicated to what she will be devoting the rest of her life to; being a mother and a wife. Part of that devotion would be shown by preparation.

If you were told that you would be singing a solo next Sunday, wouldn't practicing and preparing be the wise and obvious thing to do? Why is it different with the important and life-long profession of homemaker?

To say that guys won't be interested in a girl that sits around at home all day is illogical. Actually there are two fallacies in that statement. When you say “sit around all day” that builds a straw man argument. Of course a girl that sits around all day is undesirable. But what does “sitting around all day” have to do about preparing to be the helpmeet God has chosen her to be? The drudgery of the everyday, and the monotony of consistency are some of the hardest things you will ever face.

The second fallacy in that statement can be summed up, by saying this, saying that guys won't be interested in girls that sit around all day is like saying a short handed hospital wouldn't be interested in a highly trained medical doctor searching for employment. The only time that wouldn't be true would be if the homemaker is onto what the searching guy is looking for. What better proof of her competence in raising your future children than a young woman passionate about the care of her own siblings?

As long as she isn't lazy, a young women that is a home maker at heart is admirable. It shows character and confidence to me in that she doesn’t have to “go with the flow” of modern day culture and is willing to take the Biblical challenge that most women these days have shunned.