Complete and Content

Spiritual Lessons

This is a post by guest writer Jonah Kolb, that was originally posted on a private writing club.  I hope it blesses you as much as it did me.

Complete and Content 

I recently attended the wedding of childhood friend.  It was a wonderful godly wedding, but as I watched the ceremony it was very surreal to see the first of 'younger set', my age group, get married.

  As I see a lot of friends getting married and starting families, some of them not that much older than me, it's become more of a reality in life. It's a big issue and one that I've had a lot of conversations about it with friends recently, and thought about it a lot.

  Actually it's more than a big issue. It's huge. It's most likely the second most important decision you will make in your life. It's a step that should not be undertaken lightly, and I would like to share some of my thoughts on it, and some of the problems I see.

 The first is that it can be too much of an objective. Okay, let me elaborate before writing me off :)
  

Marriage is a huge priority for many, maybe most, young Christians, and while it is a good goal, I believe it can be gone about in the wrong way. It seems to me that so much of what is done and said by by young singles is motivated by infatuation or attraction (I hesitate to call it love) to someone of the opposite gender. It seems like there's always a hidden or ulterior motive, something that is ever at the back of their mind and honestly, that really bothers me. It's a sign of obsession. It's almost as if it is the ultimate goal of life to find someone you 'love' and spend time with them. Their entire focus is on this one part of life, which is beginning to boarder on idolatry.

  Marriage is a wonderful gift of God, but it is not the foremost goal or command to Christians. God's love is shown in many ways, not just in marriage. I know that sounds silly to put it that way, but it seems like some people almost think that way.  As I see people around me rushing to get married, I cringe. 

  God absolutely has to come first. This isn't just something to say because it sounds spiritual. Let me explain:

  You always hear about how marriage 'completes' you, your 'other half' etc.  I know this may not carry much weight coming from someone who's not married, but I'm just sharing what I've learned  from those older than me and what I've personally observed.

  Many are looking for marriage as a fix-all, the ultimate key to all of life's problems. They are not content with their circumstances, their place in life, how they feel etc. though they may not realize it, they think the right person is going to compensate for being discontented with their life. They want someone to be the missing piece of their soul.

"They want someone to be the missing piece of their soul..."

  Here's where it all ties in. You need to go into marriage as a complete, whole person already. Saying that someone completes you sounds romantic, but marrying and expecting your spouse to be everything and fix everything, isn't love. It's unfair. It's an unfair expectation and will be burden that you are laying on the shoulders of the other party.  

 
  Am I saying that marriage does not change you? No. Am I saying that marriage won't add to your happiness? Of course not. Obviously we will always be learning and growing, but you need to be a full person. The Bible says these two shall be one flesh, not these halves shall be one whole.

  You can't go into marriage as half a person, and expect them to fix you. No one should have to have that responsibility forced on them. That's not romance, it's desire.

  Ephesians 5:25 says, 'Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;' 

Christ gave himself for the church. He didn't take, He gave. Loving like Christ loved the church is pretty big. We love Him because He first loved us. To love like Christ loved the church is to give love that is undeserved and not returned. 

Ephesians 5:33 says, 'Nevertheless let very one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.'

 Both of these verses show pretty clearly that marriage is giving from both sides. I know we all know that already, but it never really comes into the picture when that person comes into the scene. It's all about how we feel about them, and what we think of them, how they make us feel.
  

My personal opinion, and I may be wrong, is that you won't be content to be married until your content to be single.

"...you won't be content to be married until your content to be single." 

  Let me explain. Getting back to my original point. God has to come first. If you cannot be satisfied in a relationship with God, a perfect savior, who knows you better than you know yourself, sacrificed everything for you while you despised Him, and loves you unconditionally, no matter what; how will you ever be content with a flawed mortal human being?

  If God isn't enough for you, no spouse, no matter how great their personality is, no matter how smart they are, or how loving, will be enough for you.

  Does God use marriage in your life to teach you things and better help you understand His love? Yes, I believe He does, but that said, I don't believe that marriage completes you. Jesus Christ completes you.

  

'Acquaint now thyself with Him, and be at peace: thereby good shall come unto thee.'

    Job 22:21

  'If any man can to Me, and hate not his father, and his mother, and his wife, and children, and brethren, and sister, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.'

    Luke 14:26

  'Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.'

    Proverbs 4:23 

  'Casting down imaginations, and every high thing exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;'

    II :Corinthians 10:5

Related Posts:

Biblical Womanhood 

Keeping Our Heart with Diligence 

Temptation